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Original poster

Don't know how to deal with this. Ds scamming people online

134 replies

1newname · 18/12/2023 20:58

Back story is we've stopped giving him money due to many ultimatums regarding weed. Last week he was showing off about how he's managed to find a way to make money. I knew it would be something dodgy and he had sold something online which he doesn't have to sell. I told him how disgusted I was, how he's behaving like a scumbag etc. Initially he didn't care but then said he knew it was wrong and wouldn't do it again. And now he has.

I'm so disappointed. I'm embarrassed with how he's turning out. He doesn't seem to have any morals. Every wrong thing a teen can do, he's done. Graffiti, shop lifting, excessive weed smoking and now this. I give up.

OP posts:
MistletoeandJd · 19/12/2023 09:03

Where are you? There's some services you need to access ASAP!.

If taking money away is his only consequence he will and has outtrumped you. If he won't respect your rules after support offered he needs to leave before he drags younger level headed d.s into this.

Once he's got that hit for making money in this type of way it's leading down a path that path isn't going to look good.

dawngreen · 19/12/2023 09:08

If he has no money he will just go and steal it along with a phone. And yes I agree with @MistletoeandJd.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 19/12/2023 09:13

I’d report him to the police. If you don’t then one of the people he scammed will do.

Not 100% sure what you can do long term re his studies. Would travelling for a year (to somewhere maybe with friends/relatives) be an option? If it’s sag Australia he could get work out there.

ChihuahuaMummy · 19/12/2023 09:17

lto2019 · 18/12/2023 23:06

I would not report him to the police - if he was to be prosecuted - it could impact on his life for years and prevent him from doing things in the future - when he made a mistakes at 17. I might make him believe I would do it though - but it depends on how effective it might be.
We all do stupid things when young but he is now doing criminal things and it has tipped into things which may have much more negative long term effects.
Is he doing this to still try and get money for weed? Is this recreational use or is he a heavy user? The weed use needs to be tackled.

When did this start - the graffiti - shoplifting - not making excuses for him but did something happen to prompt this? The school should have some pastoral support / councillors who maybe able to speak to him - and he may engage with them more than you.
What are his friends like - similar to him ? I am not sure what consequences you can really follow through with - lots of places have free internet if he wanted to continue scamming. If he is trying to fund a habit - there is nothing to stop him stealing again.
Is there anyone he might talk to outside yourself? I think you need to identify the biggest issue and tackle that first. The fact he told you he was doing it, knowing you would disapprove seems odd to me - especially when he could have got away with it.

Then that's something he should have thought about before committing a criminal offence. Why should he be protected and the victims forgotten about?

If this was my child and he refused to stop, I would be reporting him to the police. He is practically an adult and there's no excuse to steal money off other people. I would also be considering whether to continue to allow him to live at home.

Brefugee · 19/12/2023 09:17

you know the answer is to call the police.

BMW6 · 19/12/2023 09:40

OP you KNOW the right thing to do for your son, as well as the people he has now stolen from, is to call the Police on him.

Get him off this path NOW while he's still young. Otherwise he's going to be lost in a life of criminality and prison. If not worse.

MabelMaybe · 19/12/2023 09:41

This is going to sound like hideous "old skool tory" but could you look at putting a structure in place for him - get him to volunteer, or look with him at joining the armed forces etc. If he carries on as he is, the good exams with poor effort won't be enough to get him into a job.

NotManyDaysTilChristmas · 19/12/2023 09:46

I’d tell him to give the money back straightaway and that you need to see proof of the refunds. If not done within 24 hours you’ll be going to the Police - and do it. I know it’s hard but he really needs to learn consequences. I do feel for you, I’ve been in a not too dissimilar position and they really need to learn right from wrong.

Step5678 · 19/12/2023 09:57

Sorry OP, but "giving up" is not a valid option for a parent.

The only logical consequence for this is to make him return the money he's scammed (take and sell some of his belongings to fund this if you must) or find a way of (legitimately!) providing the person he has scammed with the item they believe they have bought. Also, for maximum effect, he should be facing the victim of this scam to return money/provide the goods. Hopefully then he will see the human at the other end of this scam and realise how wrong it is

LittleGlowingOblong · 19/12/2023 09:59

haven’t read all the comments but a first step would be paying back the people he has scammed.

if this is the first time he’s strayed into criminality it’s a formative experience for him and therefore I’d say your only real opportunity to come down like a ton of bricks. Report him to the police. Put a public apology in the local paper. Withdraw privileges. Kick him out.

Next time it will be a weary “not again” and then “how many times have I told you”
and after it’s all just words.

But perhaps arrange counselling for him too.

Goid luck 💐.

Fraaahnces · 19/12/2023 10:03

I would take the money and return it to the person he scammed with an explanation that you never believed he would stoop so low, and that you are thoroughly ashamed of his behaviour, and he is facing the consequences of his actions right away. I would take his phone, his laptop, Xbox, etc…and shut down WiFi. Fuck it, If I had a smart refrigerator, I’d change the password on that too. I would stop lifts and ensure that he has plenty of boring chores in the house to do. When he complains about those, I ask him to consider the tasks he would be forced to do in prison.

HelpMeGetThrough · 19/12/2023 10:03

I would not report him to the police - if he was to be prosecuted - it could impact on his life for years and prevent him from doing things in the future - when he made a mistakes at 17.

I would call the Police. Is he not financially adversely impacting the lives of the people he is scamming?

As for "making a mistake", he consciously decided to start this and is showing off about it, that's no mistake! None of this would be happening under my roof without severe consequences.

I had the Police pay a visit to my eldest when he was 11, because he was going down the road of being a bully and wouldn't take telling. Yes, I was told I was cruel, zero shits given what others thought. He needed to learn and he did.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 19/12/2023 10:06

Another one for calling the police. This is out and out fraud. It might teach him a lesson.

Dotcheck · 19/12/2023 10:07

1newname · 18/12/2023 21:05

Sorry, forgot to say he's 17. Year 13 doing a levels. Attendance is terrible (around 60%) but school have been useless, no consequences and he knows it. They won't kick him out or make him retake a year because he's still set to pass his exams.

He's never been great at following rules but hasn't ever got himself into trouble. Never excluded from school etc

Could this be the root of the problem?
YOU are the parent, YOU should be making him go to college.
Stop paying for his phone and internet if he is just going to commit crimes. He should also urgently have some kind of therapy- he’s moving in a very worrying direction

user1497207191 · 19/12/2023 10:09

Forgotmylogindetails · 18/12/2023 21:16

Can’t believe there are parents that would turn their child in to the police.

rape child abuse etc I get but this ?

no sorry . Find a way to deal without without turning your own child in for behaving like a twat.

The people he's scammed and stolen money from won't be thinking he's just a twat, will they??

lto2019 · 19/12/2023 10:11

ChihuahuaMummy · 19/12/2023 09:17

Then that's something he should have thought about before committing a criminal offence. Why should he be protected and the victims forgotten about?

If this was my child and he refused to stop, I would be reporting him to the police. He is practically an adult and there's no excuse to steal money off other people. I would also be considering whether to continue to allow him to live at home.

Show quote history

I wasn't in any way suggesting the victims be forgotten about - where did I say that?
Kicking him out of the house is an option - but there are others. Kicking him out of the house is likely to lead to further criminal activity not less. I would be wanting to alter the behaviour and there are other things to consider before kicking him out.

Original poster
1newname · 19/12/2023 10:16

I can't reply to all the messages. I don't know if I can report him to the police, I don't want him to get a criminal record. I agree the weed addiction is causing him to behave like this but I don't know what to do. We've had so many arguments over the last 2 years over it, removal of privileges etc we even told the school and they didn't seem concerned.

How are you supposed to make a 16/17 year old go to school? Attendance only became an issue in year 12. We can't ferry him to school, we have to get to work. I'm so worried about him.

As well as money dh has cancelled his phone contract. We told him to give the money back and he refused.

Please don't think we've done nothing, it's easy to judge from a distance but we're trying our best and out of our depth.

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 19/12/2023 10:19

Could you give us more info on how he is scamming people online?

HelpMeGetThrough · 19/12/2023 10:22

I don't know if I can report him to the police, I don't want him to get a criminal record.

Well let's just hope someone he scammed doesn't find out who he is, because I bet they will, or worse, kick the shit out of him.

Original poster
1newname · 19/12/2023 10:23

Selling items (headphones) that he doesn't have and getting the money for it.

OP posts:
Crafthead · 19/12/2023 10:24

He is going to inevitably get a criminal record unless you find a way to get him to stop being a criminal, and quick.

Original poster
1newname · 19/12/2023 10:25

HelpMeGetThrough · 19/12/2023 10:22

I don't know if I can report him to the police, I don't want him to get a criminal record.

Well let's just hope someone he scammed doesn't find out who he is, because I bet they will, or worse, kick the shit out of him.

I hope he does get caught I just don't want to be the person who reports him

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 19/12/2023 10:27

1newname · 19/12/2023 10:23

Selling items (headphones) that he doesn't have and getting the money for it.

So selling through a platform then?

So the people he is scamming can contact them, the platform then forward all his details to the Police.

Info on him that they could/would give is enough for Police to find out where he is.

HappyHamsters · 19/12/2023 10:36

How is he selling them . When they don't turn up the buyer may start a fraud dispute anyway. You don't want him saying you knew and didn't stop him.

disappearingfish · 19/12/2023 10:36

How is he getting the money? Without a phone he can't access Paypal etc.

No judgement here, it's an horrendous situation. He needs to get away from the dealers.