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Original poster

Don't know how to deal with this. Ds scamming people online

134 replies

1newname · 18/12/2023 20:58

Back story is we've stopped giving him money due to many ultimatums regarding weed. Last week he was showing off about how he's managed to find a way to make money. I knew it would be something dodgy and he had sold something online which he doesn't have to sell. I told him how disgusted I was, how he's behaving like a scumbag etc. Initially he didn't care but then said he knew it was wrong and wouldn't do it again. And now he has.

I'm so disappointed. I'm embarrassed with how he's turning out. He doesn't seem to have any morals. Every wrong thing a teen can do, he's done. Graffiti, shop lifting, excessive weed smoking and now this. I give up.

OP posts:
GerriKellman · 18/12/2023 22:01

This is not a victimless crime. People getting scammed is incredibly upsetting - they may be very badly off, elderly or otherwise vulnerable.
I also think you need to involve the police.

dontgobaconmyheart · 18/12/2023 22:02

He hasn't 'found a way to make money' - he is committing fraud, a crime, and is a criminal. He will be found out.

Not sure what to say really OP, I too would be appalled at a child of mine taking advantage of what are most likely those more vulnerable than him for a few quid. He would not get anything from me and I would be asking the police to come and speak with him, as well as speaking to the college about it. Until there is a consequence absolutely nothing will change and he will at some point put the death knell on what sounds like it could have been a brilliant life.

I would, however offer to pay for him to attend counselling (paid directly to them and never through him).

kimchio · 18/12/2023 22:03

Maybe action fraud could help if you call them?

PolizeiobermeisterWache · 18/12/2023 22:15

Take away his phone.
Remove his access to the internet.
Close down his bank account.
Ground him- and only give out a door key when he has permission to go out.

These are all privileges he needs to earn back by demonstrating changed behaviour.
He needs to give back the money he has scammed,

Don't drop the rope. Keep talking to him.

Sux2buthen · 18/12/2023 22:32

LakeTiticaca · 18/12/2023 21:44

He will scam the wrong person eventually and they will mete out their own justice with a stint in critical care, if he's lucky 😉

Bollocks lol

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 18/12/2023 22:43

So sorry OP, sounds like every parents worst nightmare.

GerriKellman · 18/12/2023 23:01

All the suggestions about internet, phone etc might work with a child. This is an almost grown man engaging in criminal behaviour so it's a long way past that.

lto2019 · 18/12/2023 23:06

I would not report him to the police - if he was to be prosecuted - it could impact on his life for years and prevent him from doing things in the future - when he made a mistakes at 17. I might make him believe I would do it though - but it depends on how effective it might be.
We all do stupid things when young but he is now doing criminal things and it has tipped into things which may have much more negative long term effects.
Is he doing this to still try and get money for weed? Is this recreational use or is he a heavy user? The weed use needs to be tackled.

When did this start - the graffiti - shoplifting - not making excuses for him but did something happen to prompt this? The school should have some pastoral support / councillors who maybe able to speak to him - and he may engage with them more than you.
What are his friends like - similar to him ? I am not sure what consequences you can really follow through with - lots of places have free internet if he wanted to continue scamming. If he is trying to fund a habit - there is nothing to stop him stealing again.
Is there anyone he might talk to outside yourself? I think you need to identify the biggest issue and tackle that first. The fact he told you he was doing it, knowing you would disapprove seems odd to me - especially when he could have got away with it.

NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2023 23:08

Forgotmylogindetails · 18/12/2023 21:16

Can’t believe there are parents that would turn their child in to the police.

rape child abuse etc I get but this ?

no sorry . Find a way to deal without without turning your own child in for behaving like a twat.

This is why so many scumbags get away with stuff. The people in their lives are too cowardly to do the right thing. Shame really.

Viviennemary · 18/12/2023 23:09

He will end up in prison if you let this continue. He is on his way to becoming a criminal It will be drug dealing next or worse.

ShittingPeugeot · 19/12/2023 04:50

What a charmer.

LadyMinerva · 19/12/2023 05:00

Luxell934 · 18/12/2023 22:01

Sorry how is he scamming people online? You said he’s “selling something he doesn’t have to sell”. What is he selling?

Why are you sorry?

northernlasses · 19/12/2023 05:06

Please don't remove his phone completely.

If you do then you have no way of contacting each other if there's a problem, which could well happen at the moment.

My son was getting in trouble and I took his phone off him when he was in the house. I also changed his number, but I ALWAYS let him have his phone when he went out.

Whoopitywhoops · 19/12/2023 05:11

LadyMinerva · 19/12/2023 05:00

Why are you sorry?

Show quote history

🙄

IncompleteSenten · 19/12/2023 05:20

If you do nothing then don't be surprised or upset when the police show up. Eventually they will.

You can do many things.

Some examples

Strip his room of everything of value and sell it and donate it to a charity that helps people who've been victims of crime.

Remove his phone and replace it with a basic one that does nothing beyond calling and texting

Change the WiFi password and do not give it to him.

Report him to whatever selling platform he's using to scam people and suggest they ban him.

And yes, maybe report him to the police.

He either has consequences now or he has them later. And later will end badly for all of you.

The school are failing him educationally but it's your job to raise a decent human being. Do you think you're doing the best job you can do?

Ponderingwindow · 19/12/2023 05:22

You take away his electronics. Swap his smartphone for a basic model that does calls and texts only.

when he needs access to a computer for school he does his work in a common area of the house with adult supervision.

depending on just how bad things have gotten, you consider delivering him to school and picking him up each day so he is not unsupervised.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 19/12/2023 05:38

Viviennemary · 18/12/2023 23:09

He will end up in prison if you let this continue. He is on his way to becoming a criminal It will be drug dealing next or worse.

He's already a criminal, he just hasn't been prosecuted yet. What happened when you found out he'd scammed someone OP? Can you talk us through what was said by both of you? Do you know his friends and where he is when he's not at home? Does he get an allowance from you or does he have a part time job?

Jaggu431 · 19/12/2023 05:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 19/12/2023 05:46

What other support do you have in place? What have you already tried - asking so other things can be suggested that you haven't already done. Whilst school have a responsibility to educate ultimately its yours to get him through the gates. Why is his attendance low - is he refusing to go or leaving the house but not going to school?

Is there a risk of exploitation? If not already involved I'd speak with social services for support. They'll only help until he's 18yrs however early help services can support until 21 or 25 if there's additional needs. This may not achieve much as will depend on his willingness to engage in any support offered but they may be able to signpost to some local services.

I agree with pp that however difficult it may feel if he's committing crime I'd report this. He needs clear and consistent boundaries and to know there are consequences for his actions. You could give him the option to return any money he has got from what he's doing online or you will report it. If you decide to do this though you have to commit. Saying X but doing Y shows him it's an empty threat. There may be support police can offer around reducing further possible criminal activity.

Philandbill · 19/12/2023 05:47

You say that school have been useless. What do you actually expect school to do? Genuine question.

Missingmyusername · 19/12/2023 05:51

Pull the plug. He can do homework in school.

Threaten him with the police initially, if he does it again report him. His criminal behaviour will likely escalate. It’s you IP address he’s using, you may get a visit from the police yourself if he carries on. You are complicit.

Kokeshi123 · 19/12/2023 05:56

northernlasses · 19/12/2023 05:06

Please don't remove his phone completely.

If you do then you have no way of contacting each other if there's a problem, which could well happen at the moment.

My son was getting in trouble and I took his phone off him when he was in the house. I also changed his number, but I ALWAYS let him have his phone when he went out.

If a near adult has to be on an electronic leash, he can get a basic brick phone and like it.

Tgirl19 · 19/12/2023 06:05

I know someone who had this problem. He didn’t stop so she reported her son to the police after much back and forth with him. He now has a fraud conviction.
Didn’t go to prison, but can’t get a bank account for live nor money. Actions have consequences

Howbizzare22 · 19/12/2023 06:15

RestingCatsArseFace · 18/12/2023 21:41

Report the little bastard. His victims and potential victims will be grateful, especially if they are struggling to buy stuff for their own kids and possibly have a ruined Christmas.

Yeh this. I was scammed online the same way your son does to people it caused me a lot of anguish so I’m struggling to have empathy here. I’m sorry OP it’s not you who has done this obviously but please be tough as a parent and if not report him at least make sure he knows what a disgusting little shit person he is becoming. The hurt he causes is there a way of showing him. He needs to face consequence. This is fraud!! The impact on his future prospects if he has a criminal record. Really come down on him like a tonne of bricks.

flowerchild2000 · 19/12/2023 06:40

It sounds like he's smart, just aimless. I would have a talk with him about his future, who he is and how his actions aren't lining up with his vision for himself. Maybe he doesn't have an idea of his future. Males often act out because of fear. I wouldn't be surprised if he just needs more guidance, he's about to be an adult and he needs to take that more seriously. Someone needs to get that through to him. Is there an older relative that can talk to him? Kids that age don't seem to listen to their mother, believe me, I know lol. Good luck, I hope you get some help with him! If it helps any both of my DD teens have done some crazy stuff, very serious stuff, but we got through it and everything is turning out great. The world is a different place than what we grew up in and I think it's much harder in some ways.