Would you resent a colleague who has this ‘privilege’

[Resentedpumpkin]

Which is actually a reasonable adjustment?

Asd and adhd plus ME - I’m needing more and more breaks due to ASD and avoiding shutdown. It’s been agreed on my return after 2 weeks off (shutdown and selective mutism) . So now when it gets too much I’m able to log off (if WFH) or leave my desk for up to 30 mins as many times as needed per day.

it’s been once or twice a day but yesterday happened 4 times (10 mins, 30 mins, 25 mins and 5 mins)

Had some sarcastic and off remarks about it from others and now just feeling shit and embarrassed. Everyone is aware of my conditions so it’s not like they don’t know

OP you are not being unreasonable or privileged in the slightest.

as demonstrated by some on this thread, there is an entitled breed of neurotypical that is devoid of empathy and completely unable to see things from the perspective of another neurotype.

I could have written your post. I have asked for adjustments (which are ignored) and some of my “lovely” colleagues argued against me getting any changes (that would have impacted them minimally) as why should my rights trump theirs.

daily life in this kind of toxic environment can be an utter humiliation. These contemptible humans don’t realise that we are draining ourselves everyday by trying to fit in to their neurotypically designed world.

there really shouldn’t be such a surprise that the suicide rate is so much higher in autistic people. Relentless and denied bullying is hard to take on a daily basis.

YOU ARE ENTIRELY RIGHT.

I'll be honest and say I would resent it if I had to cover your work/answer your phone and stuff as well as doing my own job, especially if I knew you didn't have to make the time up.

Maybe id be better asking to just cut my hours so everyone knows where they stand

Yes, if you're unable to do the current hours comfortably this could work

The whole point about reasonable adjustments is enabling/supporting you to actually do the work, and if it's not being done and the time not made up and it's affecting the team that can lead to resentment

As said though, it's not their place to be snippy with you - if they have problems with this they should take them to management so they can do just that: manage

Have you informed your manager about the remarks or are they aware of them?

The team need to be told their behaviour is unacceptable. Why do we fight for children to get SEND provision in schools and then once they’re an adult in the working environment, it’s somehow different? Or should we all stay unemployed?

Good on your employer for putting in adjustments that mean you can continue your employment with them. The team sound ignorant - lucky them! Can only imagine they’ve never been in your position nor understand what stress/burnout can do to someone with ASD/ADHD.

OP hasn't 'decided' to have multiple disabilities FFS!

I was always fine before , I managed /masked but I had something happen that triggered an autistic shutdown and it’s really really made my selective mutism a bigger issue than ever before it’s not a choice I just literally can’t function sometimes unless I have breaks to decompress

Is it a temporary thing? If you get over this blip will you be able to resume the duties of the job?

it does sound stressful, but I expect your colleagues have stress added making up for your abscences.

This is a management issue - the work needs to be done and it sounds like they are trying to support you (which is great) but the consequences of the support you need have not been addressed.

you won’t get more “cope” if you are stressed so it might be worth a chat with your line manager before the 8 weeks, maybe a small tweak would make it work?

what do you suggest the disabled op does then ? pack in her job so the others aren't pissed off !

OP, how does it affect the rest of the team? Does it cause a bigger workload for them, or when you are out of contact does that cause them problems?

I was hoping by the 8 week review I’d be feeling a lot better I wasn’t anticipating this issue and it’s adding to my anxiety whereas I was assuming I’d need to just concentrate on myself and my job now I feel like I’m navigating social issues too

It depends if other people are relying on your output. If people are constantly having to wait for you, work late to catch up, or carry extra work because you aren't doing your share, then yes, I can imagine people will get upset.

A lot of people will think 'well we all get stressed but we don't all get that much support'.

You have the right to expect these allowances but your manager should adjust the work around you so your colleagues don't suffer, and a lot of managers don't do that.

Some privilege you have there OP

I think your managers should have managed it better. If you take time off, that will be wrong too.

Good luck

Jesus this thread should be pinned somewhere and used as an absolutely brilliant example of the ableism disabled people face every day.

honestly I hope karma bites the bigots in a massive way.

Whether it’s justified or not, most people would be pissed off with a colleague doing possibly two hours less than anyone else every day, but being paid the same. I would expect them to be going part time if they weren’t well enough for a full day.

It's not your fault, and you are entitled to reasonable adjustments. But yes I would be very annoyed by this. We have someone at work who wants a similar arrangement. But in our job. (Nurse) it's just not practical.

op

the breaks are ramping up
plus
how long is the build up to needing a break when presumably you’re also not working

after 4 years there aren’t you close enough to any colleague to have a chat with them to find out what’s going on?

Such a difficult conundrum. Was it your dr or specialist who suggested the adjustments?

The problem is you are showing you are a good team player by being concerned how your colleagues feel, however, that concern is probably a double edged sword as you are probably getting yourself more stressed worrying what your colleagues feel therefore increasing the breaks you need.

However, as an employee I would be resentful if someone kept having breaks and my workload was the same/ increasing to cover it - you have a hidden disability and people still struggle understanding hidden disabilities. I think you need to tabulate if this is a reasonable adjustment long term for you, you write well can you do something on chat functions/email etc where you don’t have to speak?

Op I wouldn't be resentful of you exactly, more of the situation/the way it had been managed if

• it had an impact on my workload and productivity, and you/your manager didn't acknowledge it
• if your communication around these episodes was poor (eg if you just suddenly vanished)
• if there was no obvious end in sight

I have adhd so have my own challenges. But honestly yes, I do resent it if someone in the team isn't pulling their weight. Because that causes an increase in my own workload. If your colleagues are similarly impacted then I can understand why they'd be annoyed.

I took a lower paid role in my organisation purely because the higher paid one had become too much and I knew I wasn't doing a good job. It genuinely would not have occurred to me to ask for "time out" in my working day, when I needed it. Maybe I should have done! But to me it doesn't work like that. I'm paid to perform a role. If I'm not up to it, it's up to me to figure it out.

I haven’t really made any connections there I talk to people but I’ve been so focused on getting through each day that I’ve not really made actual friends and I don’t go out out of work hours as I needed to rest and conserve all my energy for work . I feel like I’ve given my all for 4 years , got burnt out and needed some help temporarily and it’s not ok 😞

Wow. How utterly hateful.

Hope you get treated the same if you ever need reasonable adjustments...!!

You have the right to expect these allowances but your manager should adjust the work around you so your colleagues don't suffer, and a lot of managers don't do that

Exactly, MintJulia - which is why many of us have said the colleagues should address any issues with management rather than making OP's situation worse

Hopefully this'll be a temporary thing for her and she'll soon be feeling much better, but if not it's for her leaders to manage

As always in situations like this, the issue is your management. Because if you are taking up to 2 hours a day, having been off for 2 week, this probably impacts colleagues and their workloads.

Reasonable adjustments are supposed to be about allowing you to do your work more effectively, not reduce your workload while palming it off to someone else.

How is your management handling that?

How do they even notice?