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Original poster

Mornings ruin my whole day. Why do I find them so stressful? Any advice? (Young children)

103 replies

Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 08:44

Two primary aged children. I’m not a morning person. DH claims he is, but if he gets up earlier than everyone, he looks at his phone until it’s time to get into action.

Either DH or I lose our temper every morning (sometimes both - our marriage is wrecked also), kids don’t want to leave the house, wake up late, no room for emotions.

One DC is like me and not a morning person.

Getting out the door every day is awful and it’s life for the rest of our lives, until we retire.

Please help! I hate it! It makes us all so miserable.

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 18/12/2023 08:46

There’s no need for this.

How old are the kids?

It’s easy to get organised and I mean how long does your routine last? Most families are only 1 and half hours from waking up to being out the door

SarcasmAndCoffee · 18/12/2023 08:49

Do you prep everything the night before?

are dc old enough to get themselves dressed and to make some cereal or something for breakfast?

I use ds’s iPad to set him alarms for him to follow I.e 7:30 says make breakfast, 7:45 get dressed, 7:55 brush teeth etc. we have been doing this since he was about 5 and it works well. He does sometimes need prompting but it takes a lot of pressure off so I can get the 2 year old ready.

I am a morning person in the sense I’m awake in the mornings but I also have ADHD so I’m absolute chaos and really need a routine with the littles. I prep all water bottles and clothes the night before too and coats and bags wait by the door. It’s stressful but will get easier as they get older

Ivakhunt · 18/12/2023 08:49

Can you start a schedule for each child. I have two sons that are autistic, not saying that your children are, but I applied the same principles for my non autistic daughter and they worked. I made a now and next sort of schedule for my sons, which consisted of pictures of what they needed to do and in what order to get out of the door in time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Ivakhunt · 18/12/2023 08:51

And then I stuck these on the wall outside each bedroom.
Pictures if your child can't read, or written if they can

Original poster
Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 08:54

6 and 9. We could prep clothes etc the night before. Packed lunches are tricky as they’d be a bit stale!

One DC wakes at 7 (we leave at 8:30 - DH did the drop today) and the other wakes up at about 8:15! The younger goes to bed at 8:30pm (and is asleep right away), the older at 9pm (and takes forever to fall asleep).

OP posts:
Original poster
Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 08:56

Mornings only work well when I get up early (6:45) and do it all myself! Somehow us both doing it together makes it hellish. But if I do it myself or if DH does it himself, we both feel resentful of the other.

I hate mornings also, so getting up at 6:45 means I’m pretty tired that day even if I go to bed early. I’ve just got the wrong body clock for life!

OP posts:
Soozikinzii · 18/12/2023 08:56

I had 5DSs and 1DSS who stayed every weekend. I worked full time and was not a morning person . Everything was sorted at night . So it was just a case of grab and go . They did have school meals - I don't know if the cost has gone so ridiculous that it's prohibitive now ? - but that's a big help .

grayhairdontcare · 18/12/2023 08:59

Everything prepared the night before and everyone up at 730 to be ready to leave on time.
Pack lunch will be fine made the night before and if the late waking child can't get up early then they need to go to bed earlier.

ChocHotolate · 18/12/2023 09:00

If your kids take sandwiches in their packed lunch, most sandwiches can be frozen. If you batch make them on a Sunday you can take one out each day and they're defrosted by lunchtime

Original poster
Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 09:02

ChocHotolate · 18/12/2023 09:00

If your kids take sandwiches in their packed lunch, most sandwiches can be frozen. If you batch make them on a Sunday you can take one out each day and they're defrosted by lunchtime

My mum used to do that and I hated it! They were so mushy by the time I got them!

I know it’s a good idea in theory, but reminds me of something I didn’t like. Sorry!

But I do think there might be a way I can get more packed lunch prep done the night before. Cold pasta salads or something.

OP posts:
NumberSixtyTwo · 18/12/2023 09:02

Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 08:56

Mornings only work well when I get up early (6:45) and do it all myself! Somehow us both doing it together makes it hellish. But if I do it myself or if DH does it himself, we both feel resentful of the other.

I hate mornings also, so getting up at 6:45 means I’m pretty tired that day even if I go to bed early. I’ve just got the wrong body clock for life!

Take turns? So you get a morning just to suit yourself, and a morning where you do everything?

ComfyBoobs · 18/12/2023 09:03

Could your DH’s job in the morning be making the packed lunch?

Caterina99 · 18/12/2023 09:04

Do you have to wake your DC up at 8.15? I find that doesn’t help us as they need time to come round, and 15 min wouldn’t be enough for a stress free morning routine for us (done it when we’ve accidentally slept in and definitely wouldn’t want to do it every day!)

We leave at 8.30 and the latest they can sleep is 8, and even that is cutting it fine, but it’s not that frequent thankfully. Usually they get up between 7-7.30.

I always make packed lunches the night before and just take out of the fridge in the morning

Everything packed and ready. Uniform, pe kit, water bottles etc. Shoes and coat at the door.

Timer on my phone for specific points

A set routine every day that we don’t really deviate from. So they know what’s expected of them. For my DS who is the dawdler but food motivated, he has to be completely dressed before breakfast.

Bearonthestair · 18/12/2023 09:06

Do everything the night before. All clothes laid out including underwear. Bags, coats, hats, shoes at the front door. For everyone. The whole family. Lunches made the night before. They are fine. Nothing will be stale. I wouldn't cope if I didn't do this every school night.

spriots · 18/12/2023 09:06

Can your children just have school lunches?

I would also consider just taking it in turns with your DH so you both get some mornings off

DappledThings · 18/12/2023 09:07

My 7 year old has started sleeping late when he can, quite often having to wake him at 8 now. But if he's sleepy I carry him straight to the breakfast table. 15 minutes max for breakfast for 7 and 5 year old. Can involve quite a lot of cajoling to crack on with it.

Then they are back upstairs to get dressed then do teeth. They get started on that while I clear breakfast.

Bags all sorted the night before, just water bottles to add in.

We do refuse to make packed lunches though. School dinners are available. Packed lunches are my line in the sand.

MintJulia · 18/12/2023 09:08

I'm a single mum, work full time. Morning aren't my favourite part of the day but made bearable by...

grab & go - a week's clothes hanging & ready on Sunday night
fuel the car Sunday night
school meals - no faffing with packed lunches
early to bed. At that age, ds went to bed at 7.30. me by 9
is the house warm? getting up in the cold is much harder.

Delatron · 18/12/2023 09:10

If there’s 2 of you definitely take turns. DH was never around when kids were young so I had all the stress.

The one that gets up at 8.15? Can you get him/her up earlier. So both kids up at 7.30 - you or DH up a bit before so you’re showered and ready. School meals can be a good option if available. Have all bags packed and ready to go. No screens.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/12/2023 09:12

Either you need to split the jobs, or you take one child each.

At one point dd was having a meltdown every single morning. Punishment just didn't work. So we tried motivating instead - made a sticker chart and for every morning she didn't cry, she got a sticker. 4 stickers in one week meant a little treat.

How is the sleepy one woken up? Do you put on a light a bit earlier to help their body adjust?

Tistheseason23 · 18/12/2023 09:15

Definitely do sandwiches the night before. They will not be stale. Take them out of the fridge in the morning. Bags, shoes and coats ready by the door. You can do that the night before.

Is there a breakfast club at the school? I used to find that made things easier. Just dress and go.

Decafflatteplease · 18/12/2023 09:25

We have 6 of us to get out the house by 8am, 8.10 at the latest! It's really hard especially as one of our DC is disabled.

It's really grim but I've found the best way is partly being organised and partly me having to get up earlier. Also DH and I divide and conquer. So DH and I get up at 6, get ourselves ready before DC wake up. Then I do packed lunch and water bottles he gets DC up and gets them dressed, I make the breakfast. Sometimes we do toast in the car for breakfast!

In terms of organisation, we have 2 dedicated uniform/work clothes wardrobes so all clothes for the week are hung up in there by Sunday night so no hunting for stuff in the morning.

Shoes and coats live on a peg in the hall.

Water bottles and lids lined up each night ready to fill in the morning so I'm not scrabbling around for lids.

Any non fridge packed lunch stuff is packed the night before eg crisps/cereal bar so less thinking in the morning. Freeze yogurts to act as a ice block.

Hope that helps!

WeightoftheWorld · 18/12/2023 09:29

I feel quite like this too and probably have done ever since DC1 was 9 mo and I went back to work and had to the nursery runs! Now I have two who are 5 and 2 but I only ever do the school drop now and not the nursery one as DH always does those.

We do get the kids clothes for the next day sorted out ready the night before. Eldest gets dressed in front of the telly to keep them quiet and not whinging. A few times a week we will try to have very quick breakfast items that just get bunged in the toaster such as crumpets, pancakes, waffles that type of thing as find those quicker. Additional snack is often eaten on the walk to school due to time. I usually have to wake DC1 up for school so have tried to bring their bedtime back slightly on school nights but that's not always successful and even when it is, doesn't seem to make a difference. The kids have meals at school and nursery, I couldn't be faffing making packed lunches on top.

I've got to say though, DH and I generally work as a team in the mornings, it's definitely harder and more stressful if we are on our own. He has to do two of the mornings completely alone as I leave too early for work those days. Thankfully he is there to help me somewhat on the other days.

jannier · 18/12/2023 09:36

Your kids may be over tired especially the oldest who struggles to fall asleep....just like us when we're exhausted and end up awake all night. The bed times are pretty late for the age. No way would 15 minutes be long enough to teeth, dress and eat without a mad panic I'd look at bringing both bed and wake times forward by 10 minutes every few days.
Prep the night before even if you leave just sandwiches for the morning....designate responsibility on chores, that might stop the resentment between you both.

greenacrylicpaint · 18/12/2023 09:44

get up half an hour earlier.
Brew and stare into space for 15 min then shake the night off and get going.

packed lunch is prepared the night before, dc 8 and over prepare their own.

good luck!

lf4 · 18/12/2023 09:47

I also struggle to get up and crack on OP. These dark mornings don't help either.

I have 3 dc. 10, 6, 2. Our (loose) routine is me waking up at 7.30 (after snoozing the 18262 alarms I set from 6.30 onwards in an attempt to "be a morning person"), then wake the kids up if they aren't already. I get myself dressed and teeth done while they are moaning and slowly getting out of bed.

What I find is that if one or both of the oldest have woken up a bit grumpy the best most efficient thing to do is keep them apart otherwise they will argue and bicker over anything and everything.

So eldest gets dressed before eating, 6yo eats before getting dressed. Teeth done and faces washed separately after eating, one downstairs, one upstairs. Shoes and jacket on and then they come to me to sort their hair.

While they do this I sort 2yo who refuses to eat first thing so she just has a drink and eats with me after we are back from school run. Get her dressed and hair done. Either popped in buggy or waiting ready to go in the car depending on weather.

Bags are packed with homework/football gear/whatever is needed the night before. Clothes are left out for each child the night before in the same place so they always know where they are. One ds has school
Dinner and one packed lunch which I make the night before and he's never complained it's stale. All I do with bags in the morning is pop the lunch in and each kids water bottle. Also filled the night before and in the fridge.
After that we leave and get to school for 9. It's chaos but once you have a routine that works it is easier.