Mornings ruin my whole day. Why do I find them so stressful? Any advice? (Young children)

[Whymornings8]

Two primary aged children. I’m not a morning person. DH claims he is, but if he gets up earlier than everyone, he looks at his phone until it’s time to get into action.

Either DH or I lose our temper every morning (sometimes both - our marriage is wrecked also), kids don’t want to leave the house, wake up late, no room for emotions.

One DC is like me and not a morning person.

Getting out the door every day is awful and it’s life for the rest of our lives, until we retire.

Please help! I hate it! It makes us all so miserable.

It's a combination of getting up early (and getting kids up early), divide and conquer and get organised for the next day.

We leave at 8:30 for school run as well. We get up 7-730. Youngest dc up at 730, older one up at 750-8, but she is generally faster. One of us does breakfast and the other gets them dressed. Dh and I don't do the same tasks and largely stay out of each other's way. I still manage 30 minutes of sitting and relaxing with a coffee every morning because making breakfast takes like 2 minutes - pastry on a plate, done. Or sandwich made, done.

We do school dinner, so no packed lunches. Younger one is still KS1, but even older one, we pay for school dinners. Life is too short to be making bloody packed lunches every day. It costs about £50 a month, but that's £50 worth of peace. When I do have to do it, for holiday club or school trip, I make up most of it the night before and in the fridge it goes, add sandwich/whatever in the am, again making a sandwich takes 2 minutes, then I sit and relax with my coffee.

I think leaving more time and each having manageable tasks to each do makes it easier.

How about getting up earlier yourself (whether you’re a morning person or not, just try getting into a new habit)? That way you can have half an hour or so to yourself, getting yourself ready and things prepped, so that when the DC are up you only have them to think about.
What do the children need to do in the mornings that takes so long? Can you cut it down to getting dressed, eating breakfast and doing teeth/ hair, then out the door?
We all have to be ready to leave at 7.20 in our house, so I’m envious of your lie in!

Get up earlier - all of you - so it’s not a stressy rush and people can come round slowly before being active. I resisted this for years but it’s the way to go.
Sandwiches made the night before, properly wrapped and in a box and put in the fridge will not be stale. I know this as it’s how I do my own.

Get both children up at 7:15 - no one goes down stairs before they have their clothes on and teeth are brushed.

I make sandwiches a refill water bottle the night before. Takes a few minutes.

In the morning children bring me their bag which I fill with said sandwich, water bottle (two other snacks ie crisps, fruit)

breakfast is cereal or toast.

That is literally it.

You yourself should not go downstairs until you are fully ready. Same with your husband. There is no chaos here. In fact it’s the opposite!

DP makes the cuppas and sometimes the breakfasts whilst I’m finishing off getting ready.

No one gets the kids clothes out. They’re all washed on a weekend and took back upstairs ready for the week on the Sunday

If possible I'd sign your kids up for school dinners. One less stress and makes food shopping easier too. I find a strict morning routine is key so everyone knows what to expect. For us that means their alarm goes off at 7. I lay their clothes out the evening before. They put them on then downstairs for breakfast (laid table night beore). Teeth brushing then short play time then shoes and coats on. Out the door at 8.15.

Thank you for all these! I really like them.

Any tips on how to get my older to get to sleep earlier? I think it would help loads.

I am going to do more evening prep! Love the idea of no one goes downstairs unless dressed / teeth brushed!

Packed lunches sadly need to stay - I’d love to ditch them!!!

You can definitely make sandwiches the night before and they won’t go stale! We stick the whole pack lunch box in the fridge so it’s ready to be grabbed. I lay clothes out for DD in the same spot every day, book bag etc by the door. And she has to get dressed before she has breakfast or any tv time.

Also I’m not a morning person either but 6.45/7 doesn’t seem unreasonably early for someone with kids?

How do you do this please? Every single morning, 7 am get in the shower love, 7.10 get dressed and creamed, 7.15 come on it’s breakfast, 7.30 teeth brushed shoes bag coat etc etc for the rest of my life…. I feel like a stuck record!

Is it just normal alarms going off with messages? I need a gadget that will call this stuff out two or three times so I don’t have to!!

@Whymornings8 have you tried a weighted blanket for the late to sleep child? One of mine struggled to drop off due to the night time worries that assail you when you lay down and weighted blanket (10 percent of body weight and never use if they’re poorly) was a game changer.

Friction always comes for us from unclear expectations about who is doing what, or poor routine. You need a family meeting to make expectations clear, come up with charts (like people has said - don’t go into kitchen before teeth brushed, uniform on….

a lot of our mornings fail due to things being done out of order, steps being missed, foot dragging, or something extra needed for school event.

consider a reward system too - for ALL of you - daily, and weekly for a good week.

Great idea on the weighted blanket! I have one that I don’t use anymore. Didn’t think to try it for the kids. Thank you!

Yes I think that’s exactly what’s going on with the friction. Charts sound like a plan. I am determined to make this better! I really hate sending the kids off to school after all the tension. Can’t be good for them.

I totally feel your pain, it’s a shit depressing start of the day. Remember you’re all in it together and you all want to have a better time, so the kids can also coach you to hurry up, stay on track etc. feels a bit more fun.

we sometimes put a song on to, ‘bet you can’t get dressed before ‘shake it off’ finishes etc

Prep clothes the night before, or at least make sure clothes and washed, ironed, organised and put away for easy finding in the morning.

Get rid of the packed lunches and go in school dinners - that will save you time and brain space and also a lot of stress!

I hate doing packed lunches but when I have to they have to be done the night before. All clothes, bags and shoes inc adults ready and laid out the night before. Any school activities, money, letters etc dealt with night before and resources ready in bags/ pockets. Basically anything and everything that can be ready the day before is and I would look at ways of streamlining things that can’t be done before currently, by changing what you do.

My dc that eats breakfast eats toast in the car. We can get everyone up, ready and out in 15 mins if we have to 😁 I am not a morning person either so as much as possible needs to be ready beforehand.

Dds get organised the night before. Sandwiches made and put in fridge, water bottles at the ready on the side, uniform on a chair in their rooms, books and iPads charged ready for school in the morning. There have been mornings where it’s been fraught, but that’s because dd1 is 14. I’m trying to get out the door to drop them at school and so I’m not late for work. My eldest is the hardest to get motivated, but as we do stuff the night before it’s very minimal disruption in the morning.

Can't you make a schedule so both you and your DH take different mornings each and do it separately? Share the stress and should stop the resentment?

Our most successful period of morning was when we had an agreed morning pattern and stuck to it. All up at same time. Husband responsible for kids for first 45mins and they had to have been given and eaten their breakfast Iin that time. My first 45 mins was for me to get myself showered dressed and ready. Then we switched and I had 45mins to get kids dressed and bags packed while he did his getting ready. And then agreed days for drop offs. It started to slip after about 6 months eg husband not got breakfast ready quick so they were still eating when my time kicked in etc.

your children go to bed quite late for their ages and if they are struggling to get up that would be something to think about. Good luck! (I am not a morning person but my kids have never slept past 6.30- I have a lie in on a Sunday till about 8 and love it!)

Best advice I ever got was to have your own clothes out the night before so it takes one decision away from you! Also get the kids to put their shoes, coats and hats out the night before, and make their drinks and put in the fridge. Get everyone to help do a quick clean the night before too so you’re not getting up to mess x We’re all there op, hugs- roll on Christmas and the break!

It is a case of trying to be organised the night before and waking up earlier. DH and I work FT and have 5 DC so every day is a bit mental, mornings are always a real scramble but we make it through.

DC’s stuff is all sorted the night before and DH and I also get our work gear together so it’s all ready to grab in the morning. Also set the coffee machine up the night before so it’s just a case of everyone getting dressed, brushing teeth and hair and eating breakfast then going.

We organise the next before but also have furniture in the hall that is accessible.

All from GLTC:

A bag box for all bags (school, curling, swimming, Brownies/Scouts)

A wall unit with pegs for coats at child height. The unit has open compartments where we keep hats, scarves, gloves, etc.

A shoe unit with a basket for each child.

This keeps everything where it should be.

I pay for school dinners 99% of the time as it saves the hassle of packed lunches.

Water bottles and playtime snacks are packed into bags straight after supper.

Clothes are laid out in each child's room for the next day.

We use a non-verbal 5 system - breakfast eaten. hair brushed, teeth brushed, face washed and dressed. I hold up 5 fingers and my autistic child pushes down the number that are done.

I still hate mornings. DD1 still hates weekday mornings because she hates school.

I totally get it @Whymornings8 . I'm single with 2 dc 6 and 8. Mornings can be horrendous

The key is prep - packed lunch the night before, I leave lunch bags out with things like apple, biscuit, crisps in ready, and put the sandwich in clingfilm in the fridge. So in the morning, I pop a sandwich and yogurt in, and they're done

Water bottles are clean and left by the sink. Book bags, pe kits coats etc are in the hall ready to go. In the summer I put them in the car

Clothes got out ready.

The big thing for me though, is getting myself up and ready before the DC get up

Ok I have two kids and this is what I do:

• I finish my part of the morning first. So I get up, make breakfast, empty the dishwasher and make lunch. Also put a snack and water bottle in their bags. Bring them to the front sofa. Put their coats and shoes next to it. (20-25 mins)
• clothes are put out the night before
• then wake them up and stand around TILL they get dressed and brush teeth. (10 mins) Then come down and have a cup of tea while they eat breakfast. (10-15 mins)
• then hover over them while they wash their hands and faces, put on shoes and coats (5 mins)

and we are out.

So we need to be out for 8 so I start this circus at 7 and we are usually done by 7:45 as in the timings are what I plan for but if I am hovering they don’t take that long to get dressed. If I left them to it, it would be hell.

Split the jobs- one does breakfast/ packed lunches for the kids whilst the other gets ready- then the other gets ready whilst the otherone manages the kids teeth cleaning and getting dressed.
We do kids up at 7- breakfast on table for 7.30- 30mins to eat, 8am kids get ready- out the door 8.35.
If you’re all shattered start bedtime earlier.

WHY are you getting them showered in the morning?!

Do it night!

What helps us is:

DH and I alternate mornings. One day he gets up and sorts out the kids. I can lie in a bit longer or just take my time getting myself ready, then the next day it's my turn to sort out DDs and his turn to have an easier morning. It's more effective than both of us working round each other and means we equally feel with have a break.

Packed lunch made the evening before and in the fridge ready to go. Take it out first thing in the morning and put into lunch boxes as I'm doing breakfast. It's not stale, supermarket sandwiches are often in the fridge for a few days before they're sold.

Bags and shoes lined up by the front door the evening before so that's ready to go in the morning.

DDs dress themselves in their uniform while breakfast is being made. Breakfast is something simple like toast or cereal. As soon as they've eaten breakfast it's upstairs to brush teeth and then they can put shoes and coats on.

If either of them are laying in I will let them sleep but they get woken up by 7.45am at the latest (45 minutes before we leave). Otherwise they just don't have enough time to dress, eat etc without it all being a huge rush which is stressful for everyone.

Alarm set for 8.25am which means everyone has five minutes to get coats and shoes on, gather up bags and get out the door.