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Original poster

Mornings ruin my whole day. Why do I find them so stressful? Any advice? (Young children)

103 replies

Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 08:44

Two primary aged children. I’m not a morning person. DH claims he is, but if he gets up earlier than everyone, he looks at his phone until it’s time to get into action.

Either DH or I lose our temper every morning (sometimes both - our marriage is wrecked also), kids don’t want to leave the house, wake up late, no room for emotions.

One DC is like me and not a morning person.

Getting out the door every day is awful and it’s life for the rest of our lives, until we retire.

Please help! I hate it! It makes us all so miserable.

OP posts:
IHeartBiscuits · 18/12/2023 18:36

Prep everything the night before.

Shoes ready by the door (in pairs and clean)
Coats out and ready to put on
Gloves & hats ready if required

School bags in the hall, packed with anything needed for the next day including PE kit, books etc
School uniform laid out/hung up in bedroom, ready to put on. Everything from jumpers down to socks and underwear. Hairbrush located and left out.

Breakfast table set - cereal bowls out on the table, spoons, glasses ready for drinks, cereal packets ready on the table.

Lunch boxes clean and packed with the things that keep out of the fridge (fruit, snack bars etc). Check you have bread etc ready if they have sandwiches. Water bottles and matching tops clean and ready to fill.

Basically do every bit of prep the night before. Then mornings are a lot easier, most of the stress is removed and it's all a lot nicer. My DCs grew up with this and it runs like clockwork. It's also encouraged good habits of preparation and eating breakfast at the table every morning. They go down for breakfast first, then up for teeth clean and getting dressed.

It's no more effort to do these things the night before than in a rush in the morning. Also if you find a problem with an item, it can be solved in advance.

Snowpaw · 18/12/2023 19:11

I generally need 2 hours from when I open my eyes to when I have to be out of the door, to feel calm in a morning. And ideally up for 15 mins before DD so that I'm not "on duty" the minute I open my eyes.

On a good morning I get up, heating on and lamps on, unload dishwasher and reload or put a load of washing in (that gives my endorphins a boost by starting the day feeling I've done something useful), boil eggs and make toast, make coffee. Stand outside the front door and breathe in some fresh air to wake my brain up.

By that point DD is awake. We eat breakfast together. Then she plays while I go for shower and get myself dressed. Get her dressed next and both do teeth, then do her hair quickly. She plays again while I sort the school bag. I refuse to do packed lunches and she has school dinners.

I make sure clothes are clean and in the right place the night before so that I'm not flapping in the morning looking for them.

thedementedelf · 18/12/2023 19:16

My kids eat breakfast in bed, get washed up, dressed, teeth brushed, then downstairs and we leave. Takes 45 minutes and that's with some iPad time.

Sandwiches for packed lunch can be done the night before and they're fine. My son wouldn't eat anything soggy and he eats his lunch just fine.

Lunch in the fridge, uniforms, shoes, coats, hats all laid out, bags packed, showers and baths the night before too.

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kerminent · 18/12/2023 19:16

I am not a morning person. DH is. He gets the 2 dcs up and dressed and sorts out their breakfasts in the mornings. I need the time just to get myself up and ready. I'm a night owl and prep their food and school uniform and their school bags, and I stay up late sorting chores and batch cooking. So we work to our strengths.

Weallnamechangesometimes · 18/12/2023 19:31

A weighted blanket that you bought for yourself is likely to be too heavy for your 9 year old. Unless you're tiny with a massive 9 year old.

FusionChefGeoff · 18/12/2023 19:46

Just wake them earlier?!!??? That's pretty obviously going to make life easier....

GettingColdFeet · 18/12/2023 20:02

Get everything done the night before including showers/baths, for kids and adults. We only need to get dressed, have breakfast and clean teeth in the morning because everything is already done. The kids sort their own bags out now before bed.

We're lucky that school lunches are affordable and an option for us. As such my kids are only allowed packed lunches from Year 5 and they have to make them themselves (the night before). Obviously I assist at the start but ultimately it no longer becomes another job I have to do.

No TV/devices in the morning until ready to leave the house (encourages my son to get into gear).

Beetlewings · 19/12/2023 06:07

It sounds awful but get up 15 minutes earlier, have a coffee in peace before you start. I swear that's the only way I was able to do morning routines. Now mine are nearly 11 and 13 they sort themselves out

Dynamoat · 19/12/2023 06:13

It sounds like everyone needs to be up earlier, more prepped the night before and I would also recommend a good music selection on or an audiobook so it's not all screaming "socks!!!" A million times.

ElevenSeven · 19/12/2023 06:15

Packed lunches are tricky as they’d be a bit stale

No, they’d be absolutely fine.

terraced · 19/12/2023 06:26

Packed lunches are fine made the night before

Alighttouchonthetiller · 19/12/2023 06:29

As everyone else has said, get everything ready the night before, including your own clothes, and get up earlier. I hate mornings, but get up earlier than everyone else so I can drink coffee and sit, feeling somewhat stunned, at the kitchen table for fifteen minutes in peace while I slowly wake up.

Mrsjayy · 19/12/2023 06:36

you need an alarm clock for the late sleeper don't allow them to sleep till 8.15 set the alarm for7.30. get husband to sort 1 out you do the other, get kids to sort out lunch bags the night before make sure they are empty,sandwiches wrapped in tin foil the night before shouldn't go stale or mushy but if you don't want to do this then .make up the rest of the lunch and do the sandwiches in the morning.

you really need a set time/routine in the morning for it to run smoothly.

NeurodivergentBurnout · 19/12/2023 07:19

I’m not a morning person. I agree with pp about being organised the night before including night time showers/baths.
I swear by my Lumie sunrise alarm clock. Far gentler way to wake up!

UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2023 07:28

Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 08:54

6 and 9. We could prep clothes etc the night before. Packed lunches are tricky as they’d be a bit stale!

One DC wakes at 7 (we leave at 8:30 - DH did the drop today) and the other wakes up at about 8:15! The younger goes to bed at 8:30pm (and is asleep right away), the older at 9pm (and takes forever to fall asleep).

Is it the 9yo who gets up at 8.15? A really good bedtime routine can help with them falling asleep. Bath, story etc. They also probably need to go to bed earlier, my DD did at that age.

qpdlurgak · 19/12/2023 07:39

There is no good reason to do packed lunches in the morning, sandwiches done the night before, wrapped in cling film and put in the fridge are absolutely fine. Make sure you have a night and morning routine (I get mine off tech and reading for the last half hour before bed).

DeathMetalMum · 19/12/2023 07:43

Kids need to be up earlier. I'm not a morning person either but we have always got up at 6.45 for primary school. Dc 2 definitely needs time to wake up like I do. Any later means rushing and stress. Consequently bedtimes have always been on the earlier side as they are up earlier.

Current morning routine is I get up 6.30 to wake dd1 (high school) often she's awake, she goes downstairs and gets breakfast. I prep her lunchbox - sometimes dp will have made the sandwiches. If dp home he wakes dd2 at 6.45 I don't mind getting up first as dd2 wakes better for dp. By the time dd2 is downstairs getting breakfast dd1 is back upstairs in the bathroom/getting dressed.

We generally have about 20/30 minutes spare at the end of the morning as dc have got quicker at walking to school and getting ready as they've got older but we haven't changed the getting up time, of we would be rushing around which isn't fun.

Stressfordays · 19/12/2023 08:10

Latest I get mine up when I need to leave at 8.30 is 7.45. I buy quick and easy breakfast options such as scotch pancakes and porridge sachets. Pack ups get made the night before, I find wraps hold up better in the fridge then sandwiches. Water bottles filled and put in the fridge. I lay clothes and pack bags the night before. Sign forms etc. Toothbrushes are now downstairs too so no one needs to go upstairs.

I also use tech as an award, once you are fully ready (right down to coat and shoes) you can sit on your iPad until it's time to go. Gets them moving fast. It's 8.10 and we're all chilled just waiting to go already. No tears, no arguments and it's like this 95% of the time.

Stressfordays · 19/12/2023 08:11

Oh and I set my alarm for 6.45 meaning I have plenty of time to get myself up, ready and a coffee before I need to wake them, even if I snooze my alarm a few times.

Checkcheckandcheckagain · 19/12/2023 08:19

Sorry to hear you find the Mornings so stressful! Like others have suggested, I prep everything the night before - clothes hung out, homework / toys whatever already in rucksacks, packed lunches, snack bags waiting in the fridge.. etc..
Not what you want to hear but I also wake up earlier than everyone else, get myself ready and half make Breakfasts! By losing just a little sleep my mornings run like clockwork. Also, No TV on until shoes are and we're all ready for our day. Good luck! Flowers

CyberCritical · 19/12/2023 08:26

DD gets on much better with a set routine, before we had that in place mornings meant lots of crying and rushing about.

Packed lunches only need to take a minute. We have 3 boxes set up on the counter,
1 with dry snacks - crisps, breadsticks
1 with fruit snacks - raisins, fruit rolls, fruit bars
1 with single portion fruit - banana, apple, satsuma

1 of each into the lunch box
1 dairy thing from fridge - yoghurt, cheese stick
1 veg portion from fridge - mini cucumbers, cherry tomatoes

So that's just gathering and packing then make a cheese sandwich and fill a bottle with water.

Uniform is sorted the night before and put on the radiator so it's warm in the morning.

Breakfast is set up the night before

Get up
Eat breakfast
Wash and teeth
Get dressed
Go

We don't do telly or anything that she can get drawn into in the morning we just get up, go through the routine and leave.

Papillon23 · 19/12/2023 08:31

Whymornings8 · 18/12/2023 14:23

Thank you for all these! I really like them.

Any tips on how to get my older to get to sleep earlier? I think it would help loads.

I am going to do more evening prep! Love the idea of no one goes downstairs unless dressed / teeth brushed!

Packed lunches sadly need to stay - I’d love to ditch them!!!

Re earlier bedtimes - I assume you have low low lighting in the bedroom? Ideally you'd make sure lighting is low everywhere else as well.

I still find listening to a podcast helps me get off to sleep - it might be the same for them?

Alternatively, my mum taught me various methods of getting to sleep, mainly to do with distracting my brain and creating a dream like quality to my thoughts.

So e.g. it might be to think of 4 or 5 things beginning with each letter of the alphabet, and imagining them: apple, antelope, arrow, art...

Or making a scene in your head out of everything which begins with a single letter:

There's a ball on the beach. The beach has a bench on it which has a baby lying on it. A butterfly and a bird fly overhead. A branch has washed up on the shore. A boat bobs out at sea. There's some bread and butter on a blanket. A band is playing in the distance.

Or designing a fantasy - a really eco friendly house, or how you'd design a town so it had everything you'd need (those are my grown up versions, I must have had different ones as a child).

Or counting backwards in my head from a really big number, sometimes in 3s or 7s or something to make it need a bit more brain power.

JussathoB · 19/12/2023 08:32

Lots of useful tips on here OP. You really need to get this sorted and create a more positive atmosphere. If no one else is going to do that, then it probably has to be you?
First it would probably improve things if your children go to bed earlier. Bring this in now. Second preparation the night before of clothes, school bags, water bottles and packed lunch. Lots of people saying you can use frozen sandwiches, or make and wrap night before, or put other things in and add sandwich in morning. Breakfast bowls etc out ready.
Third get up a bit earlier and put a smile on.
Hope you can enjoy your new routine.

UndertheCedartree · 19/12/2023 10:18

I also agree with the poster saying have some time to yourself in the morning before the madness starts.

I wake at 6am make a cup of tea and read until 6.45 when I need to get my DD up.

randomusernam · 19/12/2023 10:41

All clothes out the night before
Bag coat shoes in the hall ready to put on
School bag packed night before
All pack lunch done except sandwich. Ie drink in bottle, fruit in lunch box etc - I put the lunch boxes in the fridge ready made so I can just quickly add the sandwich.
Kids need to go bed earlier, 8.30 is too late for a 6 year old. They still need 12hrs sleep. I'd be putting her to bed at 7.30ish. 9yr old at 8-8.30.
Get things out you need for breakfast like the coffee mug out with coffee in, water in kettle ready to be boiled
Do the kids get themselves dressed?
If the morning goes better with just one person doing it could you take it in turn? Two days each and Friday changes?