15yo boys - do we expect less of them than girls?

[3Tunes]

We were chatting about a meet up she’d just been to, and dd(15) said something like “I just expect basic competence, I mean, that’s not even the bar, it’s way below the bar, but most of them just don’t have it”.

So I asked her what she meant, and it was stuff like able to organise a meet up (the girls always do it), to turn up with a secret Santa gift that they opted in to doing four weeks ago, to navigate (with a phone) and actually find places rather than walk for ages and then stand around looking puzzled, to work out how to pay in a shop which didn’t take cards.

Which made me wonder, is it just this group, or is it something societal where we expect 15yo girls to generally organise themselves and work things out, but where boys are still more looked after and supported? I nearly posted on Feminism chat, but I figured I’d only get answers around socialisation of boys there, and wondered what other people thought.

Another £50 says at least half those taking part really don't want to.

@TheaBrandt agree that I used SS only as an example of the seasonal pointlessness of additional twaddle people are supposed to buy into, and are held to account if they don't comply/care.

In a bling poll I would bet SS is organised by a woman/girl. Same as year 6/10/12 prom. And so it goes on.

As a mother I expect my son to be capable, consistent and considerate human. I don't enable him, and get mightily cheesed by those that do. I get more cheesed by the martyrs that do and then say their mental load has collapsed.

Just don't do it!

Don’t worry I won’t again! Girls only parties from now on now sorry not sorry lads. Talk about no good deed unpunished!

The only reason I would bet £50 that a whole-form Secret Santas will have been organised by a man is that it's more likely that heads of years/houses will be male. SLT in schools still overwhelmingly male. Funny that men can organise these things when it's their actual job...

My DH is much more organised than me and I couldn't stand to be married to someone who needed me to organise their life for them (I'd have to ask DH what that's actually like in reality 😂😬)

Yes I think we do

I have one ds and I’m quite sure I would have higher expectations of responsibility if I had a girl

im disappointed in myself knowing this

DS is 15 and an only child so I've not got experience with girls.

He and his friends (all boys) organise themselves, but just low key things like going to the park for ice cream or to Starbucks, Wagamama, etc. after school or visiting each others' houses to play video games.

They brought in presents for school-led Secret Santa. I doubt they would have set up something like that on their own, as I don't think they'd be bothered with anything requiring massive pre-planning.

A couple of months ago they wanted to watch Macbeth at the local theatre so parents organised this, buying tickets online and suggesting a pizza place for dinner beforehand.

He and his friend travelled to London on their own (~1 hour each way) earlier this year to attend a whole-day science research uni taster thing.

Each week he cooks dinner, brings the laundry down and sorts it, folds and puts away his own clothes, and takes the bins out. He can hoover and change his bed if asked, but the cleaner typically does this anyway. His room is often cluttered but he is self organised in terms of school things, personal art projects and packing for holidays so we let him get on with it.

My ds came home from uni today and said his housemates did a Christmas dinner together last weekend. He said the girls led it and he and the other boys did the jobs he was told to do. 2 girls in the house and 3 boys and apparently they had some guests too so quite a lot of people to cook for.

I guess the OP will rest her case

I think this is the bravest and most honest reply on the entire thread so far.

Definitely agree with @TinPanSally
Ds (15) is full scale into weaponised incompetence. It's a very frustrating phase. He does know how to cook (basics at least) and use a washing machine. He knows how to behave as well but it's apparently "not cool" at his age.

Roll on some brain development because it's extremely hard to put up with him at the minute.

Yes there's brain development but also consequences for poor choices. Parenting. That thing?

I worked with men for 10 yrs and now I work with women. I never had to bother secret Santa in the past and now I do. I keep wanting to say - men would never bother with this so why are we! We are all far too busy at Christmas .

Why do women burden themselves with this nonsense !

@Freshair1
I have tried every single thing with him and nothing works. He is the youngest of 4. The rest are all quite nice young adults.

As you are such an expert I will send him to you...DM me your address.

(It's just the relentless parenting all the time reminding, reinforcing and reiterating. Boundaries and consequences have been rigorously applied. Honestly he was less work when he was two.)

I do blame the Andrew Tate factor for a lot of the disrespect. I know he will come good in the end but a nice brain development leap is top of my christmas list!