4 kids, different dads

[juscurious]

Do you judge? Honestly ?
This is my family, not me, but myself and my 3 other siblings, we all have different dads, it's never made a difference because we've always grown up together and see each other as full siblings anyway, but I do wonder if people would judge a woman in this situation?
I was lucky in a way because my dad lived with us and he was all of our dads so I didn't know any different, but my siblings apart from 1 never knew theirs.

Yes good point. I just think it is a bit sexist to say a woman cannot have 4 kids if she looks after them all well, in all the ways like finances and emotional support. I do think you would need a grandparent or 2 to help in the mix from both sides.

4 is a lot though. 2x2 would be more normal.

I actually did know one mum who I talked to at the park playground a lot and she had 5x4 she was on benefits. At the school her children went to that was near the council block and was seen as a no-go catchment area, it was the norm. Children at the school were often semi- related by blood or various fathers having been in relationships with their mums for a couple of years. They tend to have never married. I think she was a caring mum but she just kept going with more children and she smoked when pregnant., that I did not like. Her own mother helped her and the dads were semi involved.

I also know a 3x3
She is independently wealthy
first was divorce
second was live in relationship
last was a gay guy! A very obviously gay man, but they were good friends and he wanted a child.

The kids seem well enough.
Finances make a massive difference and the dads are in contact.

Maybe it only took one shot to get pregnant. Not lots of sex as you have put it 🤷🏻 it does happen.

As someone said, the chances of getting accidentally pregnant 4 times while on contraception is statistically zero

And that doesn’t get around how you justify someone (especially with existing children) being so incredibly stupid and reckless to repeatedly have unprotected sex with complete strangers

It’s not something any normal-thinking person would do

Obviously people can and do get pregnant on a,one night stand but the chances of that happening after just four one night stands.and getting pregnant on each of those four occasions must be very low .

Natasha Hamilton has 5x5, so her eldest son has had to suffer through several stepdads coming and going and the introduction of another one and another baby. Father's Day must be a logistical nightmare

She's certainly been very busy since she was in a girl band!

Yes, I would judge the mother for her poor decision making/falling for the wrong men, assuming that there's not a big backstory and she wasn't widowed or had the children over a long period of time.

@Vettrianofan Taking a risk (I.e., having unprotected sex once) and getting pregnant isn’t uncommon. My DD arrived slightly earlier than planned for this reason. 🤭 We were in a committed relationship so it wasn’t an issue.

But I don’t think that these accidents happen multiple times, if anything you’re extra-careful with contraception!!

I'd judge, sorry. After the second child, she should have put her efforts into caring for her two children and negotiating an already complicated situation involving visits, shared custody and child support payments with two different men - not continuing to have additional children.

Of course I would not judge. It’s not morally wrong is it? It’s circumstance.

Depends really. My childminder had 4 kids with four dads. I didn't judge her. She was in a serious relationship with each dad. They had years between them. Lovely well adjusted kids.

Maybe if I'm 100% honest I'd judge if there was tiny age gaps and no time to get to know the dad before having ALL of them. But again, you could just meet someone, have a opps moment then find out they are a hole. But four times of getting pg within say six months of meeting each dad would seem hasty to me. But really, I have four so I do think people assume they aren't all dhs and its not nice feeling. So I try not judge

I'm afraid I do. I think it can rarely work out in the children's favour. I question the motivation to reproduce in each relationship. Relationships breaking down is really not a justification for continuing to have kids. Natasha Hamilton now has 5 kids by 5 men. How chaotic must those lives be.

@Sdpbody what the fuck...

No I wouldn't. As long as all children were happy then what's the problem.

I would judge the mum. I can understand falling in love with 1 or 2 dickhead but 4? I feel sad she didn't learn how to be happy single and focusing on the children she already has.

I would judge the mum after the second failed relationship if she went on to have a baby from a 3rd man let alone a 4th man. I don't find it a healthy dynamic for existing kids to be exposed to dickhead men constantly moving in and out and leaving newborn half siblings behind. Each time these men walkout or kicked out is never a walk in the park, it's usually accompanied by a rowdy argument that is unsettling for the kids where it leaves the mum so consumed after. The dickheads are dickheads all well and good but the mum has the power to shut the door and prioritise her existing children before letting in another scum in.

I wonder if they all see their dads?

I know someone with 4x4

Dad 1 Her eldest DD's dad was a drug user and he commented suicide when she was a baby. She has had to see her siblings have relationships with their dads.

Dad 2 Her son goes to his dad's every weekend and school holiday but he lives 2 hours away.

Dad 3 He lives with his mum. He used to have his daughter for a few weeks at a time. They had lots of holidays and nice things. His mum spoils her. Daughter lives with her dad and nan full time.

Dad 4 Lived with them all for 2 years. He no longer sees his daughter. She lives with her mums mum full time.

It's bound to cause resentment between the siblings if their circumstances and relationship with their dad's and his family are different.