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Original poster

4 kids, different dads

143 replies

juscurious · 11/12/2023 14:52

Do you judge? Honestly ?
This is my family, not me, but myself and my 3 other siblings, we all have different dads, it's never made a difference because we've always grown up together and see each other as full siblings anyway, but I do wonder if people would judge a woman in this situation?
I was lucky in a way because my dad lived with us and he was all of our dads so I didn't know any different, but my siblings apart from 1 never knew theirs.

OP posts:

AdoringDavidAttenborough · 12/12/2023 00:38

Obviously nobody sane would feel anything but sympathy for the kids. And yes, fathers should support their children and those who don't are complete shits. But also, a woman with 2 or 3 kids via failed relationships who goes on to have another is clearly not prioritising her existing children or even considering their interests. She might be a fabulous parent, but it's pretty unlikely.

x2boys · 12/12/2023 01:01

lemonsandlimesx · 11/12/2023 22:45

Why?

Show quote history

Well often it won't be great for the children will it?

blackfluffycat · 12/12/2023 01:29

I think 2x2 is the new norma.

I'm not sure about 4x4 but I guess they didn't plan it that way.

It must be a nightmare having all those people involved. If the siblings are with their dad's alternative weekends they will hardly see eachother. Christmas must be awful having 1 or 2 and not the others.

Interested in this thread?

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Families

blackfluffycat · 12/12/2023 01:45

Normal**

coldcallerbaiter · 12/12/2023 02:01

Like Katie Price? Hmm, If she can look after them adequately, herself and not from benefits, whilst not ideal, I would not judge the mum.

Passingthethyme · 12/12/2023 02:57

coldcallerbaiter · 12/12/2023 02:01

Like Katie Price? Hmm, If she can look after them adequately, herself and not from benefits, whilst not ideal, I would not judge the mum.

Really? Don't you think it's unfair on the kids? Kids aren't a commodity

HamBone · 12/12/2023 03:01

In the OP’s Mum’s situation, I’d wonder why she had children so soon after meeting a new partner-esp. as there’s only two years between her third and fourth children. Why didn’t she take it more slowly and see whether her relationship worked out?

Thenewmags · 12/12/2023 03:26

If you make a bad decision with one man which affects your current child(ren) why rush to have another child in a new relationship X 3. You can even date, but you don’t need to move each man in and have a child with them. 4 or more failed relationships across an adults life is fine, the issue is when you insist on having a child with each of them.

I knew one woman who had 4 kids by 4 different dads. She proudly told me she was trying for a football team. Not sure if she was joking or not because a while back I spied on her social media she was now on her 7th kid (7 x 7) AFAIK all but one or two of them have fathers who aren’t interested. And I wonder how it feels like if you’re one of the kids with no contact from your father and your sibling is going off to see their father On a Saturday. It’s just mess and chaos.

And yes the men who run off are even worse. Only the children are innocent in these situations. I’d run a mile if I met a man with 4 kids by different women.

SmokeyToo · 12/12/2023 04:54

What surprises me is the number of women who "accidentally" end up pregnant. If it happens to you once, fine - it happened to me in my early 20s, but it was my fault because I was well aware of contraception methods. But I don't understand women who repeatedly fall pregnant "by accident", especially to different men and, usually, relatively early on in a relationship. I think anyone who does this - men included, as they're 50% responsible - is an idiot and I question their fitness as a parent.

Alchemistress · 12/12/2023 06:38

I know a 4X4 family and yes, I judge the mum. The children all had different experiences with their respective fathers - 2 were pretty good with contact, visitations, Christmas, maintenance etc.

The two with deadbeat absent fathers grew up hugely resentful of their siblings, there were a lot of fights, arguments, drama generally. The house felt more like a foster care home than a loving home full of siblings. To be fair the mum tried as hard as she could but the kids weaponised the fact that none had the same dad against her. She'd had a fairly shit life herself, but 4 constantly warring children didn't help.

The two kids whose fathers didn't show up for them both went off the rails with ASBO behaviour, drugs, bad relationships themselves. I feel incredibly sorry for them, and angry that after the first two children, say, she didn't make better decisions regarding her contraception.

Of COURSE I blame the absent dads but she was the one having to deal with this on the daily.

Bireadwhatiread · 12/12/2023 06:53

Yes judgement on the men who left. I really disagree that women should stay chaste after having kids? Why? Men don't? It is always men who leave, most pregnant women want the support and family life a relationship brings, so unless abusive won't leave.

Vettrianofan · 12/12/2023 07:02

Jaboody · 11/12/2023 15:36

I would judge the mother yes. Natasha Hamilton is worse for this and is regarded as a 5x5

Off to Google Natasha Hamilton....

TheFluffiestCat · 12/12/2023 07:07

One of DH's old friends has 4 kids with 3 dads and it's never occurred to me to judge. She had #1 very young, got together with a good friend and had #2, that didn't work out in the end and she had a long relationship with #3 and #4's dad. They're all still good friends and she's been with her current partner about 20 years. It's just how life works out sometimes. All the kids are good, hard-working, loving people.

Vettrianofan · 12/12/2023 07:09

All it tells me is that Natasha Hamilton likes the boaby....🤪

Sceptre86 · 12/12/2023 07:12

Honestly I wouldn't care nor would I ask.

MuchTooTired · 12/12/2023 07:30

I wouldn’t judge the mum and the kids, and I wouldn’t judge the dad’s if they were involved in their kids life. The absent father(s) I would definitely judge.

tenbob · 12/12/2023 07:43

lemonsandlimesx · 11/12/2023 22:45

Why?

Show quote history

You cant see any downside in having so much unprotected sex with strangers that you get pregnant 4 times from one night stands..?

And you can’t see a downside from having children over and over again with men you’ve known for a few hours?

come on now…

Honestlyy · 12/12/2023 08:18

Bireadwhatiread · 12/12/2023 06:53

I don't think anyone is saying that women should stay abstain from sex after having children, just that they should put more thought into it.

Comedycook · 12/12/2023 08:24

Pathetic really to make out that this as anything to do with liking sex. You could have unprotected sex just once and get pregnant and you could have protected sex hundreds of times and not get pregnant.

Beezknees · 12/12/2023 09:05

Bireadwhatiread · 12/12/2023 06:53

Or just use protection?

The odds of becoming pregnant 4 times while using contraception is basically non existent. I've been a lone parent for 15 years, I certainly haven't lived like a nun but I've managed not to get pregnant by using contraception.

Sdpbody · 12/12/2023 09:43

100% would judge. I would assume she comes from a dysfunctional family as well as having learning difficulties.

Honestlyy · 12/12/2023 10:32

Sdpbody · 12/12/2023 09:43

100% would judge. I would assume she comes from a dysfunctional family as well as having learning difficulties.

Blimey.

BlackeyedSusan · 12/12/2023 10:45

Life experience shows you how it can happen. Good for your mum for keeping you all going and bringing you up. DV really fucks with your head. But for the grace of God go I. People tend to forget the privileges they have and how they might have coped if they'd been dealt the same hand so to speak.

Shutup23 · 12/12/2023 11:17

Sdpbody · 12/12/2023 09:43

100% would judge. I would assume she comes from a dysfunctional family as well as having learning difficulties.

You would judge someone for having learning difficulties. Wtf

Josette77 · 12/12/2023 11:22

Yes I would.

There are three of us, all different dads. I'm the only one who she knows who the Dad was. He died 20 years ago.

My siblings have no clue. It has affected them horribly.

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