4 kids, different dads

[juscurious]

Do you judge? Honestly ?
This is my family, not me, but myself and my 3 other siblings, we all have different dads, it's never made a difference because we've always grown up together and see each other as full siblings anyway, but I do wonder if people would judge a woman in this situation?
I was lucky in a way because my dad lived with us and he was all of our dads so I didn't know any different, but my siblings apart from 1 never knew theirs.

@ChanelNo19EDT I didn't say wtf ?

I wouldn't judge but I'd be curious of the circumstances. I know someone with 3 by 3, who is early 30s and divorced 3 times because she keeps cheating. I also know someone with 4 by 3 and her first was a DV situation, second was a relationship she thought was getting her out of the DV but he thought it was a fling and the last 2 by her current DH who does look after her and all her children as if they were his. Circumstances are everything.

I have 4 with 3, I had ds1 really young the relationship didn't work due to our ages really . I got married in my 20s and had ds2 at 26. Exh developed a cannabis addiction that I didn't find acceptable to live with

Younger dcs were born in my mid 30s ,by which time ds1 was an adult . That relationship lasted 10 years

They all know their dad's, nothing in my childhood , mum and dad were together until dad died, same with my gps and nether male role modiles were abusive.

I've been single for 5 years now happily. I've never had an issue being single

Judge away

To be honest though I judge any woman with four kids as being quite mad regardless of number of dads 😂

I wouldn’t judge, no.

Id think “that must be an organisational nightmare” - can you imagine 4 dads having kids, visiting, along with finances etc. Christmas must be a logistical nightmare.

In reverse, I once was getting to know a guy (for younger readers, this was before OLD so people used to talk to each other in person before deciding to date). He was in his mid-twenties and I was 18. It transpired that he had 5 kids by 4 women, 2 were in care and he never saw the other 3.
That was a hard swerve for me.

I’m a 2x2 and I felt judged when the kids were younger. I’m afraid I would judge . It also depends how close in age the children are.

I wouldn’t judge the children but I certainly would judge the mother - and probably feel very sorry for her as well that she didn’t feel able to prioritise her and her existing kids!

Yes, I judge. The amount of instability in that home, a revolving door of father figures, a collection of siblings all atomized by different contact times, is a ridiculous burden to heap on children as you drag them through your poor choices.

Honestly I dont really care.

If you are not harming anyone else. If you care for each other and contribute to society then it's no one else's business.

I would definitely secretly judge based on the fact that she chose to bring multiple children into a chaotic set-up, either chose really badly or didn't use protection over and over again. It's not ideal for the kids involved. However, I would never treat her differently and I literally don't care what other people do with their lives as long as no one gets hurt.

Sorry but I would judge. I would judge the mum and also the dad for pissing off and leaving the kids.

I think judgement is the wrong word but I would think that not having stable relationships and having new father figures repeatedly being introduced into childrens lives is a bad thing for most children. I get how you would end up with 2 different dads but more than that I think there was either trauma or just plain bad judgement.

I think I'd judge someone with 4x4 as someone who makes poor decisions.

Not the kids but I would judge the mother quite honestly. Same way I'd judge a bloke who had 4 kids with 4 different mothers.

I would think why would someone bring that much drama into their lives. I'd also question the mother's decision making skills.

No, I wouldn't judge. Circumstances can dictate how life turns out for someone. As long as children are loved, cared for and supported emotionally, the rest isn't an issue.

I don’t butttttt many people do. Why? They think they’re the moral high ground 🙄

I don't agree, as someone who has a loving mother but an absent father. It absolutely can and does affect you negatively.

I don't think judgement is necessarily the right word but I would think the mother had form for making bad decisions, most certainly.

Instability at home with different men appearing and disappearing throughout childhood, making the decision to continue having children when it hadn't worked out the first two, or three times. None of that is ideal.

I would not think anything of the children, who would? It's not their fault.

I would judge the mother, yes. Poor decision making skills and wrong priorities.

I'd not judge the children but would probably judge the dads. Whether I would judge the mother would depend on circumstances, though unlikely.

Sincere apologies @juscurious it wasn't you who said ''wtf'' to me.

Just to be clear I never meant would you judge the kids, I understand obviously that isn't anything to do with them (us)

Yes I'd judge. Not the kids as they have no say in the situation they are born into. But very much judge a mother who thinks it's desirable to have a baby with every boyfriend.