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Original poster

Spending child’s birthday money on nappies?

127 replies

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 00:51

Child turned 2 on Sunday and had friends and family attend a huge soft play party. Everyone brought gifts for the child except one person who put money in a card. Perfect for the child to choose a toy they’d like, or so you’d think. The child’s mum told their relative she’ll spend it on nappies. The relative is unhappy and thinks it should be spent on the child for a gift.
Would you spend your child’s money on essentials?
(To be clear I'm neither party in this situation, I’m the sister of one of them and want to see what you guys think as it’s become a big source of gossip)

OP posts:
Woopooh · 07/12/2023 00:56

Not really sure what the right answer is either. But If it was a ‘huge soft play party’ like you described I’m sure the child received many toys. If the mum really needed it for nappies I don’t see it as an issue. He’ll have an abundance of toys, he won’t miss the money, he’s 2.
The mistake was telling the relative.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2023 00:58

I hate getting money for DD that's not for saving. "Here parent, have yet another chore at a busy time". If the relative wants a specific thing, s/he could buy it.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 07/12/2023 00:59

No, no I wouldn't unless I was completely brassic. Given they threw a huge soft play party that's obviously not the case.

As the Gift Giver it pissed me off no end when I gave children money to choose themselves a present & the parents took the cash to spend on themselves or made the kids choose school shoes or something. (no hardship in the homes).

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pizzawinecake · 07/12/2023 00:59

Na not unreasonable. There are only so many a toys a 2 yr old can have. Or you want in your home. Nappies are useful

Tilesaandtiles · 07/12/2023 01:01

If she wanted the kid to have a toy from her she should have bought one.

The money is being spent on the kid still it's not like the mums getting a bottle of vodka.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2023 01:13

Pinkpinkpink15 · 07/12/2023 00:59

No, no I wouldn't unless I was completely brassic. Given they threw a huge soft play party that's obviously not the case.

As the Gift Giver it pissed me off no end when I gave children money to choose themselves a present & the parents took the cash to spend on themselves or made the kids choose school shoes or something. (no hardship in the homes).

You could offer to taken them shopping and choose. In December. The shops are fun!

WandaWonder · 07/12/2023 01:39

So the parents can afford to throw a big party but can't afford nappies?

BusterGonad · 07/12/2023 01:45

If you give money then you can't complain when it's not spent as you see fit. If you really want it spent on toys then buy an Argos voucher or something. Don't just be lazy and wack money in a card. If someone gave my child money and I was skint I'd buy nappies/electric/food, the amount I spend on my child anyway runs I to the thousands so a £10 of 'their' money spent on essentials is a dip in the ocean, and the child benefits.

BusterGonad · 07/12/2023 01:46

WandaWonder · 07/12/2023 01:39

So the parents can afford to throw a big party but can't afford nappies?

Maybe the grandparents paid or they maxed out a credit card or just didn't budget well.

Siha345 · 07/12/2023 01:50

I think it’s for the parent to choose whatever what would be most useful for the child. At 2 they won’t know either way and probably have lots of toys. I feel like money generally gets spent or put in the bank and not necessarily kept separately. I remember a friend commenting that she gives gift cards not cash or the recipient will probably spend it on bills or groceries (and this was before the cost of living crisis)

thecatsthecats · 07/12/2023 02:24

I remember a friend commenting that she gives gift cards not cash or the recipient will probably spend it on bills or groceries (and this was before the cost of living crisis)

So long as she's happy for money to sometimes not get spent by the recipient at all because they don't recall/can't use the voucher.

This especially goes for restaurant vouchers that don't cover a meal, but it's very bossy to dictate that someone treat themselves in a way you see fit.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 07/12/2023 04:36

I think they all need to mind their own business and let her spend it as she needs to and just because she had a big party does not mean she is loaded as probably spent a large part of that weeks money on it. The child would have gotten loads of gifts and as others have said not like she is spending it on vodka or whatever for herself. People really have nothing better to be talking about and if it wasn't this issue am betting it would be something else just to gossip.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/12/2023 05:05

I’d be a bit taken aback. However, looking at this pragmatically, plenty of money will be spent on the child. Would your relative be upset if the money were spent on new clothes or a toy in a couple of months’ time? It is likely that a child of this age will be bought something within the next few months.

Desecratedcoconut · 07/12/2023 05:10

Who gives a two year old cash for their birthday - it's not like they're choosy?

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 07/12/2023 06:41

Desecratedcoconut · 07/12/2023 05:10

Who gives a two year old cash for their birthday - it's not like they're choosy?

Someone who obviously hasn't got the time to look for an appropriate gift, doesn't know what the child would like, or can't be arsed. Easy option.

Can't then moan on what it's spent on though tbh.

NoraLuka · 07/12/2023 06:54

I would have done this when DD was 2 as I had no money then and it would have made a big difference if I hadn’t had to worry about nappies for a while. It’s not like a 2 year old will know or care. If the parents have plenty of money it would be a bit different but it’s still being spent on the child so it’s ok really. It might be better to put it in savings though.

YourNameGoesHere · 07/12/2023 07:25

Well if the relative wanted the child to have yet another toy they should have put effort into buying one.

I genuinely couldn't care less what the money was spent on and if I've given money it's not mine to demand what it's used for whether that's nappies, a toy or the even the food shop.

BusterGonad · 07/12/2023 07:40

YourNameGoesHere · 07/12/2023 07:25

Well if the relative wanted the child to have yet another toy they should have put effort into buying one.

I genuinely couldn't care less what the money was spent on and if I've given money it's not mine to demand what it's used for whether that's nappies, a toy or the even the food shop.

Yes, all options benefit the child.

IncompleteSenten · 07/12/2023 07:56

It would depend on my finances.

If you don't have money for essentials then toys shouldn't be a priority even if the money was given to your child. Maybe she's fiat broke and someone else paid for the party. Maybe she squeezed her last few quid out so she could have the party and this will make things a little easier.

Hey kid, forget about the nappy rash you have because I have to keep you in wet nappies longer than I should, look at the bob the builder toy I bought. Yes, I know your bum hurts, stop crying and play with this because it was your money not mine. Why are you still crying? Aren't you happy I didn't misuse the money I was given for you? What's that you say? You don't have a clue what the fuck I'm on about because you're only 2 years old?

NonSequentialRhubarb · 07/12/2023 07:56

Unless you're very old or incapable, gifting money is a lazy option and you can't dictate what it's spent on.

Our son's birthday/christmas money up to now (age 2) has just been paid into a current account that we use for paying for toys, classes, days out etc throughout the year. When he's older, it will go into a savings/current account that he controls.

If people want to buy a physical gift, they can ask him (or me, while he's tiny) what he'd like and buy it. They can even ship it to my house and I'll wrap it, if they're happy for me to think them lazy arses. But if they gift money, money is what will be given to the child. If they want the "seeing happiness on the child's face as they tear open a present from Person X" moment, they can facilitate that themselves.

Firsttimemum120 · 07/12/2023 07:59

No I wouldn’t unless it was like urgent and then I’d put the money back to buy something else for the child

YourNameGoesHere · 07/12/2023 08:02

BusterGonad · 07/12/2023 07:40

Yes, all options benefit the child.

Show quote history

Exactly and to be honest at 2 I'd argue the other options benefit the child more than yet another toy, especially with Christmas just a few weeks away.

LakeTiticaca · 07/12/2023 08:23

I've had to spend the money given to a small child on essentials, due to my twat ex partner who believed any household money was money to be spent on drink.
If your toddler has plenty of toys and you're aren't skint, but the money on a savings account which will be far more useful than yet more toys

NoItsStillNighttimeDarling · 07/12/2023 08:24

Any cash ours get is put into an envelope and left in our kitchen cupboard as 'petty cash' for the household 😅

I do dip into it each week for money for 2 x playgroups which only take cash or a few pounds for my purse so that they can go on the fucking annoying little ride things in our town centre but apart from that it's used by DH and I for any random cash needs which may or may not relate to the children!

The way I see it I spend a fortune on classes and days out for them (and they are fairly spoiled in that we will fairly regularly take them to the toy shop and let them pick whatever etc) so the cash just offsets a very small fraction---- of these costs!

squeekychicken · 07/12/2023 08:26

I would spend it on whatever I wanted for a child of that age. I wouldn't care what other people spent the money on either. Buying for children (and adults) in my family/ friend circle is annoying as most people have everything they need already, most parents I know don't want extra tat.