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Original poster

Spending child’s birthday money on nappies?

127 replies

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 00:51

Child turned 2 on Sunday and had friends and family attend a huge soft play party. Everyone brought gifts for the child except one person who put money in a card. Perfect for the child to choose a toy they’d like, or so you’d think. The child’s mum told their relative she’ll spend it on nappies. The relative is unhappy and thinks it should be spent on the child for a gift.
Would you spend your child’s money on essentials?
(To be clear I'm neither party in this situation, I’m the sister of one of them and want to see what you guys think as it’s become a big source of gossip)

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 07/12/2023 12:41

Yeah, I think that's overly dramatic. Stealing! 🙄

BadnessInTheFolds · 07/12/2023 17:04

I think the gifter in this case is a bit naive about 2 year old, perhaps because they don't have children of their own.

I wouldn't expect a 2 year old to have a sense of choosing a toy or wanting a specific toy and not getting it on their birthday. I wouldn't usually give money to such a young child unless it was to go into savings- either a general pot for future or towards a big ticket item at the parents' request. I do think it's giving an extra job to busy parents when you could just buy a toy yourself.

Having said that I am surprised so many people wouldn't make any attempt to put their child's birthday money towards something "extra" or "fun" for the child. Obviously if you're broke then completely fine to spend on nappies, as essentials must be met first but like OP I'd feel guilty if I spent it on general family groceries/Costa etc.

I also think it was a bit dismissive to tell the gifter she'll spend it on nappies. It doesn't feel like the gift has been valued.

Wahtnow · 07/12/2023 17:09

If the relative CBA to choose a toy for a 4yo, I don't think they get a say on how it's spent. In fact that could well be the point the parent was making, regardless of how she actually spends the cash. Why would you give the parent an extra chore?

No-one needs a perfect opportunity to take a 4yo shopping 🤣

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Goldbar · 08/12/2023 12:34

I agree with you @BadnessInTheFolds . I'd at least tell the relative that I'd put it towards a day out for the child and then never get round to it and end up grabbing the money on the way out to the school Christmas fair where they only take cash and spending it on overpriced crafty shit when cornered by the PTA head.

goneaway2 · 08/12/2023 13:16

It's the child's money, not the parents. If they aren't going to let the toddler pick a toy out, then it should go in the child's savings account. If they can afford a soft play party they can afford to buy the nappies themselves.

Abbyant · 08/12/2023 19:09

Just like with any gift once given you can’t dictate what is done with it. I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it.

K4tM · 08/12/2023 19:11

Sounds like a great way to make the relative feel shite and wish they hadn’t bothered to send a gift.

BowlOfNoodles · 08/12/2023 19:13

If they couldn't be arsed to source a gift I'm unsure what the issue is

stemmedroses · 08/12/2023 19:21

I cannot understand people that aren't arsed enough to buy a gift so stick money in a card but are outraged that the parent doesn't give up their time to go out and buy something appropriate for the child. At the very least, the gift giver could have gotten a voucher for a toy shop which would have ensured it was spent on a toy.

I know lots will disagree with me but I also feel the same about people that give children money for their birthday and expect it to be saved - no, I have no intention of reserving the 10 quid you gave to my 5 year old for driving lessons when he's 17. If he wants an ice-cream in the intervening 12 years, we're going to go rogue and have a nice afternoon out.

itsmyp4rty · 08/12/2023 19:33

I would have put it in their savings account. I could understand completely if they were struggling and needed it for nappies - but as they had a big party they're obviously not.

I also don't understand why you would tell the relative this even if it was what you planned to do.

Katiebaby3009 · 08/12/2023 19:36

The mum probably thinks nappies are most useful to the child at the moment as they probably got lots of toys. I personally wouldn’t do it- I usually put any cash my children get into their savings account as they never need more toys. But if you give cash, you can’t dictate. There isn’t really a right or wrong

Kerri44 · 08/12/2023 19:38

We spent my Daughter's holiday spending money on winter clothes, we went in September, she 17mths, we never went to the shops, she has more toys then she can play with, we save money every month but she'd out grown her clothes and was ready for winter stuff

Sophie89j · 08/12/2023 19:39

My auntie always used to say the children have enough and she used to spend their birthday money on what was needed and wouldn’t expect the house or child to go without because the money was spent on more toys that they don’t need. I’ve always lived by that until they’re old enough to understand and use money as they wish.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 08/12/2023 19:57

I've had people buy us nappies/formula (don't get judgy) and food for DC when they didn't know what toys they should buy. My family also buy lots of clothes etc for birthdays and Christmas. Because they want to be actually helpful in the raising of them. There's only so many toys they can play with, there's only so much space in my house and people want to give. If we get money, it goes in their savings account. Which they'll get when they're 18+ and ready to buy a car/house/go to uni, whatever big life event they choose. Unless before then we end up in dire straits somehow and need to use it to feed them. Which family will understand.

IndigoLaFaye · 08/12/2023 20:05

Once you hand money over you can’t dictate what’s done with it. If you wouldn’t approve of it being spent like that, or in any other way on the child (I do think it should be child related, otherwise it’s effectively theft in my opinion) then don’t give money.

GreenFields07 · 08/12/2023 20:10

I dont see a problem with this at all. If you give money for a birthday you cant really dictate what its spent on. When I was on maternity leave with my twins we were in a really shit place financially with newborn twins and a 3yo. I spent some money they were given on formula, nappies and wipes. Id have no problem with someone doing the same if it made their week a little easier.

OhYeahOhYeah · 08/12/2023 20:17

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 00:51

Child turned 2 on Sunday and had friends and family attend a huge soft play party. Everyone brought gifts for the child except one person who put money in a card. Perfect for the child to choose a toy they’d like, or so you’d think. The child’s mum told their relative she’ll spend it on nappies. The relative is unhappy and thinks it should be spent on the child for a gift.
Would you spend your child’s money on essentials?
(To be clear I'm neither party in this situation, I’m the sister of one of them and want to see what you guys think as it’s become a big source of gossip)

You don’t give a gift, whatever it might be, with a loaded expectation.

You give a gift freely for the recipients to do with what they wish. If they need nappies, they need nappies.

If the giver wanted the kid to have a specific type of present, they maybe should have shopped for it.

Livelovebehappy · 08/12/2023 20:27

I’d have opened an account and paid it into that. I did that when mine were babies, and if they got money when they were really young, it just got put in there.

ActDottie · 08/12/2023 20:29

I probably wouldn’t buy nappies.

Given they’ve just thrown a big soft play party for the child I’d assume money isn’t an issue. But if money was tight then I think nappies is fair enough.

Iwasafool · 08/12/2023 20:30

When I give money for a young child I always tell the parents to spend it as they see fit, a toy, a treat, basics of living or savings. I give without reservations.

Iwasafool · 08/12/2023 20:34

goneaway2 · 08/12/2023 13:16

It's the child's money, not the parents. If they aren't going to let the toddler pick a toy out, then it should go in the child's savings account. If they can afford a soft play party they can afford to buy the nappies themselves.

Maybe after booking the party they got an unexpected bill, the car brokedown or something, so suddenly they are short of money, it's nearly Christmas and nappies are desperately needed. Thank heavens for the money to buy something that is really useful.

Debtfreegoals · 08/12/2023 20:35

I always put gifted money towards a coat or pair of shoes

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 08/12/2023 20:38

The relative is unhappy and thinks it should be spent on the child for a gift

Then the relative should have made the effort to buy a gift instead of delegating to the parent.

Socialyawkward · 08/12/2023 21:16

They might have just been trying to assure you it would be spent on the child on the flip side. If there was loads of gifts and the child wasn't able to pick within a budget they might have just wanted to assure you it would benefit the child. I personally would have just put it in their bank but its a possibility they weren't being shady / weird.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2023 21:18

stemmedroses · 08/12/2023 19:21

I cannot understand people that aren't arsed enough to buy a gift so stick money in a card but are outraged that the parent doesn't give up their time to go out and buy something appropriate for the child. At the very least, the gift giver could have gotten a voucher for a toy shop which would have ensured it was spent on a toy.

I know lots will disagree with me but I also feel the same about people that give children money for their birthday and expect it to be saved - no, I have no intention of reserving the 10 quid you gave to my 5 year old for driving lessons when he's 17. If he wants an ice-cream in the intervening 12 years, we're going to go rogue and have a nice afternoon out.

Edited

The savings one I do respect. Just because my dad is older, and is wistful about his own university experience. He probably won't be here to see DD go to university and wants her to 'remember' him while she's there. It's a formative thing for him. He was the same with me and was so happy to give me some cash as he was dropping me at university. He would like to do the same to DD but won't be able to.

Pretty specific though!