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Original poster

Spending child’s birthday money on nappies?

127 replies

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 00:51

Child turned 2 on Sunday and had friends and family attend a huge soft play party. Everyone brought gifts for the child except one person who put money in a card. Perfect for the child to choose a toy they’d like, or so you’d think. The child’s mum told their relative she’ll spend it on nappies. The relative is unhappy and thinks it should be spent on the child for a gift.
Would you spend your child’s money on essentials?
(To be clear I'm neither party in this situation, I’m the sister of one of them and want to see what you guys think as it’s become a big source of gossip)

OP posts:
Tiiredofthiss · 08/12/2023 22:29

The two year old clearly doesn't need any more toys and isn't old enough to know any different. When I give cash/vouchers to babies toddlers I will actively encourage the parents to spend it on nappies/anything the little one needs.

Sjh15 · 08/12/2023 22:55

I have a 2 yo.
absolutely categorically no way would I do this. Any birthday money went into his savings account as he didn’t need anymore toys. Savings account for driving lessons/car.house etc
I chose to have a child. I pay for the nappies
unless. You have absolutely no money, can’t eat, can’t pay your bills etc, however guessing they rented a soft play place out I guess this isn’t the case

Hattie89 · 08/12/2023 22:59

Pinkpinkpink15 · 07/12/2023 00:59

No, no I wouldn't unless I was completely brassic. Given they threw a huge soft play party that's obviously not the case.

As the Gift Giver it pissed me off no end when I gave children money to choose themselves a present & the parents took the cash to spend on themselves or made the kids choose school shoes or something. (no hardship in the homes).

I could see why some might feel the need to - in the same way I can see why some resort to stealing nappies and formula. But I’d have to be destitute, I think. It’s for toys at that age - unless it’s a large amount and/or the giver has specified it’s to be saved (usually grandparents in our case).

Surely this is not the case if she made the decision to have a big and likely expensive party for a two year old who still doesn’t really know what’s going on?

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Hattie89 · 08/12/2023 23:02

BadnessInTheFolds · 07/12/2023 17:04

I think the gifter in this case is a bit naive about 2 year old, perhaps because they don't have children of their own.

I wouldn't expect a 2 year old to have a sense of choosing a toy or wanting a specific toy and not getting it on their birthday. I wouldn't usually give money to such a young child unless it was to go into savings- either a general pot for future or towards a big ticket item at the parents' request. I do think it's giving an extra job to busy parents when you could just buy a toy yourself.

Having said that I am surprised so many people wouldn't make any attempt to put their child's birthday money towards something "extra" or "fun" for the child. Obviously if you're broke then completely fine to spend on nappies, as essentials must be met first but like OP I'd feel guilty if I spent it on general family groceries/Costa etc.

I also think it was a bit dismissive to tell the gifter she'll spend it on nappies. It doesn't feel like the gift has been valued.

Agree they can’t really choose at 2 but it can be put towards something they’d benefit from eg a Tonies box, swimming ‘lessons’, towards a day trip…

CrebillionFils · 08/12/2023 23:17

I managed to access my child saver account in highschool and blew it all on bikinis, makeup and surfwear.

Personally I save all my daughter’s money for a saving account (which I’m yet to get it together to set up) but have no judgement for those that don’t. Parents spend a fortune on their kids.

I’m annoyed at the relative who’s started shit because the mother hasn’t used the money exactly how she wanted. Don’t give money unless you specifically say in the card it’s for savings, and if it’s for toys get a bloody Argos voucher or something.

poor mother has gone to the effort and expense of a party and everyone is gossiping about her. Do they have nothing better to do with their sad lives? Like a dreary side plot from coronation street….

lilmadmel · 08/12/2023 23:32

In my eyes if I’ve given money I’ve given it to the child. The parent is then effectively spending money on grocery items that they would’ve had to buy regardless. I actually often give money because I prefer it myself when my child has a million presents some of which she won’t use. Any mo eh goes straight in her bank or to buy a toy she maybe didn’t get that she wanted but it’s hers. I gave money to someone once who then bought their child a pushchair (it was a needed item, the parent just decided they wanted a second pushchair) so I just never gave money after that though. As someone says, they maybe shouldn’t have told the giver as I’ve given money a few times with no idea what they have spent it on.

user1492757084 · 08/12/2023 23:46

I like to imagine cash given to a child would go towards paying for an experience for the child, a piece of equipment or toy that were being purchased for the child or put into the bank or piggy bank for the child to decide on later.

I would be disappointed if it were spent on food or nappies.

That said, I understand that a parent can spend it on anything and the most control I have is to purchase a gift myself.

As the child's parent, I would have thanked them and said it would go into the child's piggy bank. That is the best thing to say that overcomes judgement and is always partially true.

Refbuckethat · 08/12/2023 23:51

TheChosenTwo · 07/12/2023 08:43

I wouldn’t care - if I’m handing money over for a 2 year old then I presume the parent will spend it on whatever they see fit for the child. Be that food to feed them with, heating to keep them warm, or toys to play with.

This

MeinKraft · 09/12/2023 00:04

LakeTiticaca · 07/12/2023 08:23

I've had to spend the money given to a small child on essentials, due to my twat ex partner who believed any household money was money to be spent on drink.
If your toddler has plenty of toys and you're aren't skint, but the money on a savings account which will be far more useful than yet more toys

THIS!!!! Why is the father not buying at least half of the nappies? You can guarantee if the mum is spending the kids birthday and Christmas money on essentials there is an arsehole father who isn't paying his way somewhere. And yes he should pay more and no that money shouldn't be used for nappies but it is more important than toys and so such is life, thank the patriarchy.

MeinKraft · 09/12/2023 00:05

user1492757084 · 08/12/2023 23:46

I like to imagine cash given to a child would go towards paying for an experience for the child, a piece of equipment or toy that were being purchased for the child or put into the bank or piggy bank for the child to decide on later.

I would be disappointed if it were spent on food or nappies.

That said, I understand that a parent can spend it on anything and the most control I have is to purchase a gift myself.

As the child's parent, I would have thanked them and said it would go into the child's piggy bank. That is the best thing to say that overcomes judgement and is always partially true.

I mean, if the kid was hungry then..?

Tryingmybestadhd · 09/12/2023 00:25

Maybe they needed to use the money for nappies ? Why would that offend anyone ? I often send money for my nephews and nieces who live abroad and the younger ones have their parents decide on what to spend it . One of the pate at is well off and always splashes out on new clothes , the other barely makes it and told me twice he spend it on food shopping .

user1492757084 · 09/12/2023 00:51

This particular example is cash given to a child at a birthday party so one assumes that the family can afford the foodstuffs for a party. If not and they were hard up, of course spending cash on food for the child would be the ONLY decision the parent should take.

Gingerkittykat · 09/12/2023 04:15

I'm shocked by the answers on here.

Firstly I wouldn't say giving money to a child for their birthday is lazy. Most kids have so much these days and unless you know for certain they don't own item x then it's safer to give money.

I would expect the money to be spent on either savings or a treat of some kind for the child. It could be a day out, clothes, books or toys but not nappies.

Bournetilly · 09/12/2023 04:31

If the parent was struggling and needed the money towards nappies I would be fine with it being spent on nappies.

Daffodil18 · 09/12/2023 05:02

The parent gets to choose whatever they want as they are the parent and can deem what’s best for their own child.

nokidshere · 09/12/2023 05:07

@Daffodil18 I totally agree. It's no one else's business and certainly doesn't need to be a source of gossip for other people.

CleaningAngel · 09/12/2023 07:13

Has anyone thought this poor family probably can't afford nappies and this money is helpful, especially coming up to Christmas money is really tight

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/12/2023 07:34

MeinKraft · 09/12/2023 00:04

THIS!!!! Why is the father not buying at least half of the nappies? You can guarantee if the mum is spending the kids birthday and Christmas money on essentials there is an arsehole father who isn't paying his way somewhere. And yes he should pay more and no that money shouldn't be used for nappies but it is more important than toys and so such is life, thank the patriarchy.

Show quote history

So we're assuming only single mothers can be so hard up nappies are difficult to afford? There may well be a father in the picture, working himself into the ground to provide barely enough to live off these days while mum is having to be at home because childcare costs more than she brings in.

Or, they may not be hard up at all but the child has literally all the toys they could ever need and nappies is something useful that isn't going to wind up gathering dust in a corner or in a charity shop having been pushed along the floor once.

Or any scenario in between. Don't immediately go for useless father without being told that's the case.

Dognono · 09/12/2023 08:10

To be honest in the situation you described (the family are not hard up) in your second post. No I wouldn't spend it on nappies and I can see why the gifter is put out.

If the child has too many toys - then clothes. Or you put the money into savings.

If my family gave our DC money and we spent it on money - then yes they'd be put out because we aren't hard up.

Dognono · 09/12/2023 08:11

Spent it on nappies* I meant

DoughBallss · 09/12/2023 18:34

I wouldn’t spend it on essentials no, any money they’ve had has gone straight into their savings account. They’re young enough to not know it’s been put away, as they get older they’ll have it to spend on what they want.

Were fortunate enough to do this for them, if she’s in a situation where she can’t afford essentials then she should absolutely spend it on that.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/12/2023 18:37

It wouldn’t bother me, the same as it wouldn’t bother me if they spent it on other useful things like new pyjamas or wellies(would the giver have an issue with these things too?)

Sprogonthetyne · 09/12/2023 19:04

At that age I pooled all the kids Christmas/ birthday money and used it to buy passes to attractions, as frankly I didn't need any more plastic tat coming into the house. They had already got any wanted toys as gifts, plus much more besides.

If the cash gifts had not have been given I would probably still have paid to take the kids out, so in a way the gift just meant more money was left the general pot. But the same would be true if nobody had brought them toys.

2DD29 · 09/12/2023 19:07

I had 2 children by age 20, absolutely brassic and no support from the dads. I'll admit on my childs 2nd birthday they got some money and I used some to top up my gas and electric. She's 12 now and I'm in a much better position and work, it still plays on my mind to this day I don't know this woman's situation but if you're desperate the necessities come first x

Lifetooshort23 · 09/12/2023 20:22

Unless they’re skint (which clearly they’re not!) then no, it shouldn’t be spent on nappies.
i appreciate that the child probably doesn’t need more “stuff” so put it in a bank account for when they’re older?!
our kids have their own bank accounts and any money that’s transferred or sent as a cheque to them from relatives, rather than a gift, goes into that account for far into the future… cash we tend to put in their piggy banks and then if they want something, or if we go on a day out somewhere and they want something from a gift shop, they can spend there.

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