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Original poster

Spending child’s birthday money on nappies?

127 replies

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 00:51

Child turned 2 on Sunday and had friends and family attend a huge soft play party. Everyone brought gifts for the child except one person who put money in a card. Perfect for the child to choose a toy they’d like, or so you’d think. The child’s mum told their relative she’ll spend it on nappies. The relative is unhappy and thinks it should be spent on the child for a gift.
Would you spend your child’s money on essentials?
(To be clear I'm neither party in this situation, I’m the sister of one of them and want to see what you guys think as it’s become a big source of gossip)

OP posts:
Lifetooshort23 · 09/12/2023 20:23

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 11:48

I wasn’t expecting a mixed response of views. I’m on the fence and purposely staying out of it, but I can see for and against on both sides. Money giver is older and had no children of their own, they thought the money would be useful if the child didn’t get a toy they wanted. Child’s mum isn’t skint, possibly doesn’t want anymore toys so can use it as they wish, but I’d personally add the money to the savings. It might be overly dramatic but in a way I’d feel like I’m stealing from my child? Nappies get added to my weekly food shop. I’d never make my children pay for their own nappies. But yes agree if it’s still being spent on the child it’s fine and money giver could have taken the child to pick a toy instead.

I agree - I’d feel like I’m stealing from my child!

HMW1906 · 09/12/2023 21:00

Personally no I wouldn’t. We had my
sons 3rd birthday last week and the money he got will be paid into his savings account.

BUT I think if they were in a situation where they’re struggling to make ends meet and missing meals to buy nappies then I think it is acceptable. Although if they’ve managed to pay for a soft play party I presume they are not struggling to that extent.

stichguru · 09/12/2023 21:05

They are 2. When you give a child money you
expect them to choose something they want. If you know they are too young to do that, then something they need seems fair game!

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HMW1906 · 09/12/2023 21:10

Desecratedcoconut · 07/12/2023 05:10

Who gives a two year old cash for their birthday - it's not like they're choosy?

Honestly if anyone asks what to get DS for his birthday we suggest money. His birthday is 3 weeks before Christmas, we don’t need the amount of toys we would inevitably end up with between the 2 events. We put the money into his savings account. It was his 3rd birthday last week, he still had plenty of presents from people who don’t ask or who prefer to give a gift so doesn’t know that he’s ‘missing out’ on more toys. When he’s older if he would prefer a present then we’ll go along with that but whilst he’s not old enough to care we prefer he gets money.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 21:10

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/12/2023 21:18

The savings one I do respect. Just because my dad is older, and is wistful about his own university experience. He probably won't be here to see DD go to university and wants her to 'remember' him while she's there. It's a formative thing for him. He was the same with me and was so happy to give me some cash as he was dropping me at university. He would like to do the same to DD but won't be able to.

Pretty specific though!

Show quote history

Isn't your dad saving that for her though? So it is specifically from him. If so it is a bit different to a tenner in a card.

Crunchingleaf · 09/12/2023 21:23

My ex and I had many a disagreement over this. In my opinion that parents should pay for necessities and either save the money for the child or take them shopping. Otherwise it feels like stealing.

Wednesday6 · 09/12/2023 21:44

I think it's okay especially at 2 they won't know and already have a ton of toys

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 09/12/2023 21:45

I think unless you're on the breadline you should put cash for children into their savings accounts. She absolutely shouldn't have told them though that was rude.
If I gave cash to someone's wedding and they told me it was going on their petrol or credit card debt I'd hate it- I'd rather they lied
Or said nothing.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2023 21:50

Unless there was a need to buy the basics then it should have been put on one side for when the child could have something else.

It's fine to put it towards activities, classes, experiences though in my opinion. It doesn't have to be a toy.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 09/12/2023 21:54

I wouldn't do this if I could afford to throw a soft play party no....I'd put it in the child's bank account or buy them some premium bonds.

MuggleMe · 09/12/2023 21:59

Nappies are not a birthday gift. It's basically the same as spending it on herself as it frees up money she'd budgeted, could easily add a bottle of wine to the shop as 'friend is paying for the nappies so I've got a spare tenner'. I agree a 'toy' isn't always what you'd want to spend it on, but an outing, even nice new outfit, favourite food or money in savings would all be 1000x better.

Cottontail8 · 09/12/2023 23:56

But she could equally use the money she’s saved on that outing or favourite meal?? I don’t get what the fuss is about. The parent provides for the child anyway so does it matter which pot the outing money comes from - their own purse or the gift envelope?

alanet · 10/12/2023 14:48

Just give the parent toilet roll or something for their next present.

Whyohwhywyoming · 10/12/2023 17:09

Bunnycounter · 07/12/2023 11:48

I wasn’t expecting a mixed response of views. I’m on the fence and purposely staying out of it, but I can see for and against on both sides. Money giver is older and had no children of their own, they thought the money would be useful if the child didn’t get a toy they wanted. Child’s mum isn’t skint, possibly doesn’t want anymore toys so can use it as they wish, but I’d personally add the money to the savings. It might be overly dramatic but in a way I’d feel like I’m stealing from my child? Nappies get added to my weekly food shop. I’d never make my children pay for their own nappies. But yes agree if it’s still being spent on the child it’s fine and money giver could have taken the child to pick a toy instead.

It’s hardly “making the child pay for their own nappies”

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, I give money as gifts because I’m lazy, but typically when aged 7/8 upwards because then there are things they want and they enjoy choosing things, they also know how much things cost, roughly.

cariadlet · 10/12/2023 17:19

If the parents are strapped for cash then spending a child's birthday money on nappies or other essentials is fine but otherwise, I think it's really out of order.

Parents should pay for basics (if they can afford to) and present money is for extras.

Dd had more toys than she needed so we used to put her birthday and Christmas money into her savings account until she was old enough to ask to spend it herself.

AuntMarch · 10/12/2023 20:08

If my son gets money from several people I let him choose one thing in the toy shop and the rest is saved, but not for a specific thing/amount of time. When I was a child I bought myself a swing and slide for the garden from money saved over a few years!

If I was genuinely struggling to afford essentials then I'd absolutely use it (and hope I could replace at some point), i don't think I'd tell the gifter that though!

Chuckiee · 10/12/2023 20:12

I really think it is fine. If the relative wanted to gift a toy they should have gifted a toy. They gifted money for the child's parents to get them something. The child's parents are getting them something. The relative is trying to make a dick out of the parents. I do not like the cut of the relative's jib.

1mabon · 10/12/2023 20:49

When you give money you cannot control how it is spent.

1mabon · 10/12/2023 20:52

Can't guarantee that a gift card would be spent on the child.

Genericusername3 · 11/12/2023 19:03

Why so much judgement in the world. Live and let live.

If the person who gave the money knew they wanted it to be spent on something specific, they should have bought said specific item or a voucher for a toy shop or something.

Who knows what the mum’s situation is. If she used it for her nails or a night out or something then yes there’d be a point to make. But it’s still going towards the child.

All this judgement about what people “should” do grinds my gears. We aren’t in that other persons shoes. We can only control what we do ourselves, not the actions or decisions of others. So again, if you give money to a child for their birthday because you either don’t know what to get them (understandable) or don’t have time / can’t be bothered (also understandable) then don’t get upset when it’s not spent on what you want!

thecatsthecats · 12/12/2023 11:49

1mabon · 10/12/2023 20:52

Can't guarantee that a gift card would be spent on the child.

Gift cards also almost always end up with the receiver spending their own money.

LolaSmiles · 12/12/2023 13:09

All this judgement about what people “should” do grinds my gears. We aren’t in that other persons shoes. We can only control what we do ourselves, not the actions or decisions of others. So again, if you give money to a child for their birthday because you either don’t know what to get them (understandable) or don’t have time / can’t be bothered (also understandable) then don’t get upset when it’s not spent on what you want!

There comes a point where it is ok to judge though and lots of people online like to pretend they never judge but everyone does.
You're right nobody can control other people's actions, but it's still fair to conclude it's shitty for a parent to spend their children's gift money on things that it's their duty as parents to provide, unless the situation is particularly bad.

If my relatives give DC money for their birthday, often at our request so we can spread out gifts through the year because kids change interests lots or save for something bigger for them, then they've given that money for a present. They've not given it to me so I can buy them school uniform or basic toiletries or baby wipes or subsidise my food shop.

SiobhanSharpe · 12/12/2023 14:30

What the recipient should have said to the gift giver was 'How lovely. i shall put it into the account we've opened for them so it can go towards driving/riding lessons/university needs etc when they're older. hope that's ok?'
So it's clear the money will be entirely for the future benefit of the child and will also go towards things that will be serious and useful.

Mumof2girls2121 · 25/02/2024 07:06

Yes I would, if that’s what the child needs.
I’d also spend it on wipes, clothes, shoes etc

If gifter doesn’t like that then either take the time to choose an appropriate gift or don’t give money.

Upsidedowncat · 25/02/2024 07:25

Hmm, I was going to say that is not good, but then I remembered I've done the same! Only difference being it was a voucher for a supermarket clothing brand! He has enough clothes so I decided we'd get his nappies with it instead. When he gets money from people i put it into his savings.