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Original poster

What would you do if an overweight relative kept breaking your furniture?

346 replies

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 16:59

My partner has a very overweight family member, I am not being mean. I would say they are most definitely in excess of 20+stone, potentially over 25. This is the second time they have broken a piece of furniture.
The furniture is brand new and we paid for insurance on it which doesn't have an excess and unlimited claims for 5 years. So at least it won't cost us anything to get it fixed.
I am going to have call the furniture company on Monday and ask them to come out and look at our sofa because its clearly broken. You can feel it when you sit on it/its creaking and its the bit they always sit on when they come to visit. Its a 2k sofa so not a cheap one.
It makes me feel uncomfortable having them in my house because I am worried about things getting damaged. How on earth do you broach with someone that they are breaking your things with their weight? They are very defensive about it and I know if we said something it would affect the relationship my DP has with them. Equally I think they would try and deny it and say their sofa is fine etc. Both times it has happened we didn't notice until after they had gone. For example with the sofa, we don't often sit on the bit that I today have noticed is broken, however it is where they sit when ever they come over.

It's just a really awkward situation.

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 06/12/2023 19:52

If you have money you could get a specialised bariatric chair for them. Pretend to blame your furniture rather than them when you tell them you want them to use it. :)

Emotionalsupportviper · 06/12/2023 19:52

YuleDragon · 06/12/2023 19:26

oh dont be ridiculous. We are carrying around this weight every day.. most of us have more strength in our legs than your average person has in their whole body.

I can still lift my 6ft, 17yo 10st teenager without batting an eyelid... of course i can control how gently i sit on a sofa.

If people are plonking into other peoples furniture is lack of manners, not lack of muscle control.

Edited
Show quote history

If people are plonking into other peoples furniture is lack of manners, not lack of muscle control.

Then perhaps the relative is just bad-mannered!

But just because you can lift a 10st teenager without your joints giving way, it doesn't mean that everyone can.

When sitting it gets to a point where the muscles/joints of an unfit, obese person cannot control the rate of descent because the centre of gravity shifts. And the person comes down as a "dead" weight - if your 17yo was unconscious you would feel their full weight.

But you continue juggling teenagers. Don't mind me. Grin

Neonttasselll · 06/12/2023 19:56

I'm honestly quite surprised a sofa would break under this weight

TempyBrennan · 06/12/2023 19:58

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 17:09

It's not a shit sofa, it cost over 2k to buy and I don't have money to buy another one. The last time they broke it the guy who collected it said he had never seen one broken like that.
Maybe I am under estimating how much they weigh?

Show quote history

Sorry but I agree that it’s the sofa - we paid 2.5k for ours and our toddler broke it.
We’ve had many overweight people not break it.

Pinkelephant66 · 06/12/2023 19:58

dannyufcfan · 06/12/2023 19:48

Any time they come over instead of sitting for a chat, play a game of twister.

It means that they won't be sitting down on the sofa and I suspect it would stop them coming over ever again!

😂 😂

TheCadoganArms · 06/12/2023 19:58

forgivingfiggy · 06/12/2023 17:17

There is an uncomfortable undertone to this thread.

Well of course a fucked sofa is going to feel uncomfortable.

PickleSmith · 06/12/2023 19:59

Cannot believe some overweight posters telling the OP she just didn't buy a decent enough sofa! Grin

I'd be mortified in your position OP and wouldn't be able to address it with him I don't think. So for me, I'd stop inviting him over and either meet elsewhere or go to his.

If he has to come over then I'd do my best to provide additional seating

Offensive to other people it may well be, but you can't have someone who is obese just break your stuff on this way.

RedVanYellowVan · 06/12/2023 20:01

If it is not possible to discuss the obesity crisis without people resorting to accusations of fat shaming then the problem will not be addressed and it will get worse.

For a miriad of reasons many people in the UK are overweight, some of them to the point that they are endangering their lives. The reasons around this need to be discussable in the same way that cancer or disabilities can be talked about. It is not helping anyone to ignore the issue.

20/25/30 stone is not normal and to try to normalise it is irresponsible. There should be more support and incentives for people to lose weight.

OP I would go to a second hand furniture shop and get the sturdiest dining chair you can. Then have a basket of laundry or masses of paperwork handy to make the sofa out of bounds when your relative arrives. This is what I did with a morbidly obese client (they were not seeing me for health related reasons) and it worked without any issues or embarrassment.

StarlightLime · 06/12/2023 20:02

Cannot believe some overweight posters telling the OP she just didn't buy a decent enough sofa! Grin
Yep.

EmotionalSupportWyrm · 06/12/2023 20:03

YuleDragon · 06/12/2023 18:53

a sofa should comfortably be able to handle 2 or 3 (if its a 3-seater) full grown adults + dog/kids/whatever.

That would easily be 30st+

IF the sofa is breaking at 20st its a shit sofa, sorry, but it is.

Edited

no, that's not how weight limits work. The weight capacity is per SEAT, not the whole sofa.

So if the weight limit was 20st per seat for a 3 seater sofa it wouldn't mean you could load 60st on one end of it.

Snowdogsmitten · 06/12/2023 20:04

So if you post about someone overweight you’re automatically a fat-shaming troll? But it never applies the other way…

WickedSerious · 06/12/2023 20:05

AlittleBitOfApple · 06/12/2023 17:09

It's not a shit sofa, it cost over 2k to buy and I don't have money to buy another one. The last time they broke it the guy who collected it said he had never seen one broken like that.
Maybe I am under estimating how much they weigh?

Show quote history

Possibly,I'm useless at guessing how much people weigh.

ChateauDuMont · 06/12/2023 20:06

Etiquette

designbigger.com/fat-visitors-ruining-your-furniture/

Teebles007 · 06/12/2023 20:07

Is it possible to invite the morbidly obese relative into the kitchen / dining room and sit at the table for a cup of tea rather than sit on the sofa in the living room. If all are sat around the table then he won't feel excluded and if he breaks a dining chair it would cost significantly less to replace than a sofa.

oakleaffy · 06/12/2023 20:07

Probably the person weighs far more than 21 stones
When one thinks a normal sofa can take three average weight adults without breaking, he must be extremely heavy.

It’s probably how he sits as well- Flumping down and then levering himself up by the arms of the sofa-

Can’t see any way around it apart from buying a

Bariatric chair?

Some are designed to take up to 50 stones.

”U.K. healthcare 🪑 chairs”

Ohnoooooooo · 06/12/2023 20:08

My husbands is very tall and while he's just lost weight there was a time he was 21 stone....he sat on our DFS sofa for 20 years and it never broke. Sorry I am thinking poor workmanship for your sofa...

Mrgrinch · 06/12/2023 20:10

The comments accusing OP of fat shaming are pathetic.

If your DH is unwilling to resolve it with a conversation then I'd tell him he needs to meet this family member elsewhere from now on.

NoParticularPattern · 06/12/2023 20:11

Sorry but I’m another in the “don’t care what you paid, it sounds poorly designed and built” camp to break after infrequent use by someone of 20-25 stone. I’m fat (yes us fatties are aware we’re fat thanks) and weigh over 21 stone. I have sat on the same end of the same sofa for the last 5 years (obviously not continuously, I have to get to the fridge occasionally….). Said sofa was £50 second hand. It is not broken nor even vaguely damaged by my weight. £2k or not your furniture sounds shit.

Superduper02 · 06/12/2023 20:11

Sympathise with you OP. I think people suggesting you're body shaming are way off tbh. I personally wouldn't have the heart to say anything. I would probably stop having them round and start meeting them out at restaurants or cafes.

SkyFullofStars1975 · 06/12/2023 20:13

I'm in the upholstery trade and most sofas these days have wooden frames and a system of zig zag springs. Dump 25 stone onto that in one spot and it doesn't stand a prayer, trust me.

21ZIGGY · 06/12/2023 20:16

@Superduper02 in fairness i dont think people are blaming OP for fat shaming, its other commenters who have really shown their vile colours

Ramalangadingdong · 06/12/2023 20:16

forgivingfiggy · 06/12/2023 17:17

There is an uncomfortable undertone to this thread.

i noticed that too.

Naptrappedmummy · 06/12/2023 20:16

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 06/12/2023 20:14

Sorry I just tapped on the link and snorted, that’s easily as big as a regular armchair, plus the thought of manoeuvring an overweight relative into it is awful

SkyFullofStars1975 · 06/12/2023 20:17

I'd get a 2 seater garden bench (metal one) and you can leave it outside when not needed - and bring in when needed, with a cushion on top for comfort. You get to use it then as well. https://www.diy.com/departments/costway-2-seater-patio-garden-bench-outdoor-elegent-loveseat-w-ergonomic-backrest/7984700418200_BQ.prd this has got a weight limit of 35 stone!