The cost of having more than one kid

[Twogreen]

I always pictured us having two, possibly even three children. I like the idea of family Christmas meals and siblings having each other.

Fast forward to now and there are many perks I can see to having one. I don’t see how two will be affordable for lots of families with the more expensive life gets. I was watching a video earlier where someone was talking about how stretched and penniless they are trying to get by on SMP. Once is manageable, as there is only you, DH and the baby to think about. Whereas 2nd time round it’s harder to save for maternity leave as you are either paying nursery fees, or if you leave a bigger age gap there is still, birthdays, Christmas, new uniforms and trips etc to afford for the first all while on the reduced wage. Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving, and expenses which come along with being a teenager.

The only way I can see people managing it comfortably is if they are some or all of the following: very high earners, one stays at home or works very part time, or have significant family help. I really don’t know how anyone has multiple as prices continue to rise

Am I barking up the wrong tree?

I have two. It’s very expensive. People say the infant stages are expensive due to childcare but I find as they get older it gets worse! Childcare was the only expense when they were babies.

Now it’s extra curricular, health ins, bills, travel, electronics, school. I am dreading uni fees. I hope they will go to uni in the city we live in and will live at home as we absolutely can’t afford to support them living elsewhere.

This is one of the reasons we have one child - the quality of life we have as a family of 3 is my much higher and stress levels much lower than if we had two or more children. But we have zero family help, I think that makes a big difference.

Makes sense. We have family help but neither set of grandparents would ever want to commit to regular full day childcare and i totally understand why!

Thank you for your honesty! I understand that. I suppose how can you tell them though without limiting them. Tricky one

I’d agree.. I think they get more expensive the older they get! Even if you’re DC takes out a £9000 loan for student fees and a further £5k every year

We have one who's currently at uni. We couldn't really afford a second at the time and I'm now devoutly thankful we stuck with one.

And bundeena is correct, the costs of children do seem to rise as they get older - at least if you want them to enjoy a varied and interesting range of activities. There's current mutterings that DS's laptop needs replacing, and as a uni student that money is only coming from one place 😉

My only concern is the burden of us in old age will fall to DS alone. However I remind myself that while I am one of two, my sibling has had zero contact with our parents for the last ten years or so.

Isn’t that the same as saying don’t have any children it’s cheaper.

The only people I know with multiple children either have a very good income or rely on universal credit to top their income up.

The problem with two is if you have one pregnancy and two babies comes out, you end up with two. If you have one then another and two come out, you've got three. And three feels quite a tipping point because so much is set up for families of four.

Of course your first might be triplets or quads but it statistically much less a risk

I think it dependso n what you prioritise as a family. I have a friend with one but they privately educate, go on 4 holidays a year and he does an after school paid activity 4 days a week. They spend more on one than I do on three, which is fair enough.
Some of it is choice, e g. Mine get books for Christmas, last year he had approx £1000 spent on him.

For me, the advantages of having 2 outweighed the advantages of having one. Expense is one aspect of the decision, but I would argue some of that can be mitigated with lifestyle changes e.g. 1 activity a week not 4, state not private, less holidays and cheaper presents.
I find my friend often pays for more activites/clubs in holidays for her one as she feels she needs to fill his time with friends his age, whereas that is sort of already ticked off with a sibling?

Have got 4. Been a SAHM for around 17 years though, so I am always around for everyone at all times. I do all meal prep, packed lunches and recently become an OU student studying part time.

We don't live in an expensive part of the UK so it is affordable.

We are in receipt of Scottish Child Payment, CB and CTCs too. It helps a lot with the costs.

Because I am not in paid employment, Students awards agency for Scotland is paying my tuition fees so I can study for my degree. It has really helped.

I feel the same, it was always our plan to have 2 but DS is 2 now and I'm so happy and content with our life. We are financially comfortable and have savings, no debt (other than mortgage) and we are able to treat DS regularly and go on nice holidays a few times a year without having to worry too much about the cost. We aren't super high earners either, certainly not in MN standards anyway but we get by well. DS is such a delight and I worry so much that another one would turn our lives upside down and we wouldn't be able to give him the life he deserves and make as many lovely memories as we do as we would have to cut back a lot. I feel like I may regret this when he is older but for now I have absolutely no desire to have another.

I'm about to have our second over the next few weeks. Ds is in reception (very lucky that he has very involved grandparents and I work term time) childcare costs are next to nothing.

Our mortgage and the cost of living has pushed us in this past year to a situation where my working is now a necessity, whereas, circa 2021 my wages were always a bonus, meant we could take ds on days out, take weekend trips, do uk mini break with him before he started school. I may have to look for a new job once I return to work just so I'm closer to school and nursery, so it's easier to drop off and collect.

I'm nervous about having a second, but equally excited.

Yes I can provide less but I want to give them opportunities. I’m sorry I had two though because I’d rather have given one everything.
They are close enough in age but have different interests and both do different activities every day.
DH has very little contact with his siblings and I’m NC with mine so any potential sibling relationship is a moot point as far as I’m concerned.

I'm a single mum and I have one ds. I have no family support and ex does precisely nothing. I have always earned about twice national average, while living in the home counties. I had ds late so already had a bit of equity in the house

I paid full time child care from the point ds was 1yo until he was 4 & 3 weeks and started school. From then on, I paid wrap around care until he was 11. I have also paid the mortgage and all associated costs.

We have been happy, secure & solvent but it has meant no foreign holidays, no new cars, no nights out, no takeaways. Working full time while raising ds and doing everything else has been pretty full on.

For a couple to afford two or more children, they either need a high earner, a lot of family support, or to stay at home and survive on benefits. I don't see how else it would work.

I have two, one at primary school and one in nursery 4 days a week. I am single, althoigh ex still does lots in terms of pick-ups / drop-offs which supports me working full time.

There is no family support from either side. I earn a reasonable wage and while im not struggling, im definitley not what i would call well-off.

Two friends in very similar situations to me have stuck at one child, and their life is VERY different. They can focus time, money and patience on one child and still have something left over for themselves. They are less stressed.

I'll go against the grain and say you live to your means. We don't have a high household income at all (£53k between us), have a 2yr old and 4yr old and always planned to have 2. We're lucky to have grandparents to do childcare 2 days a week which I understand many won't, but honestly we'd have made it work without them. I'd love a bigger house, or a foreign holiday, but we don't need them. The kids are happy sharing a room and were delighted with 2 holidays last summer in Scotland. I would trade all the luxuries in the world for seeing their sibling bond develop. They love each other so much and are so kind and thoughtful towards each other and a million times better at sharing than I see some of their friends are who don't have siblings.

I can't really afford a second but having one. You just make it work

Only children can be quite different to those who have siblings. Of the few I know, they have had fabulous upbringings, lots of attention, fantastic travels, but also high and singular expectations. They can therefore be a little bit selfish, and also become the sole recipient of parental goals. All the parental eggs in one basket as it were. It can be quite a hard burden to bear.

Nothing wrong with "one and done". People used to have the mindset that children need siblings but any only child will tell you that it's not all that bad. Your own room, quiet house, do your own thing, no sibling drama, focused resources and inheritance etc.

I think it's absolutely fine to have a one child family.

I was an only child and enjoyed many of the benefits.

I have 2... the 7 year age gap does help to spread the cost for nursery ect.
But now, not so much, one at uni and the other one a teenager!
It isn't easy financially with 2, but many people do make it happen!

There's also the fact that 'one more' can sometimes mean two more if you have twins.

Definitely something else to consider, I wish I had!

This seems quite common!!