The cost of having more than one kid

[Twogreen]

I always pictured us having two, possibly even three children. I like the idea of family Christmas meals and siblings having each other.

Fast forward to now and there are many perks I can see to having one. I don’t see how two will be affordable for lots of families with the more expensive life gets. I was watching a video earlier where someone was talking about how stretched and penniless they are trying to get by on SMP. Once is manageable, as there is only you, DH and the baby to think about. Whereas 2nd time round it’s harder to save for maternity leave as you are either paying nursery fees, or if you leave a bigger age gap there is still, birthdays, Christmas, new uniforms and trips etc to afford for the first all while on the reduced wage. Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving, and expenses which come along with being a teenager.

The only way I can see people managing it comfortably is if they are some or all of the following: very high earners, one stays at home or works very part time, or have significant family help. I really don’t know how anyone has multiple as prices continue to rise

Am I barking up the wrong tree?

I agree it's very expensive and more so as they get older . We have a big family 6 DSs and feel so guilty because we can't help them all get on the property ladder . I think people with smaller families are closer and don't forget if you have one DC you usually end up with 2 as adults if you get on with their partners .

I always remember in Mary Berry's autobiography she said she had 3 children in case one dies so thee other would still have a sibling. That's what tragically happened.

One child gets lots more attention and money, but also has the burden of looking after their aging parents alone and with no sibling to talk to about it. Also, that child's child has no cousins. ...random thoughts in the matter.

Then of course the birthday parties, the clothes (my DS has an expensive Nike habit), the days out, Christmas, holidays, games console fees, fucking Robux…..the list is endless. Of course not all of these things are essential but it’s easy to see how it adds up

Yes and many of these are just day to day expenses that we don't even account for........ our house is the same with certain branded sportwear and of course swimming lessons, extras in the shopping trolley all the time, magazines, books (our local library is shit and I spend £30 a month on books., hosting birthday parties and being invited to parties - cards and gifts are £20 a pop (and I'm grateful they are invited when they are invited), special trainers for different sports - its endless. When I was able to hand over X amount for my babies to be cared for from Monday to Friday, it was less expensive by far.

Well you just have to say no to your children sometimes...?! My teenager knows we cannot afford designer shoes/clothes but I am happy to hunt for them with her in a charity shop. As a result she's not into clothes or designer things, and knows the value of money. I think everyone spends what they can, but the things you have listed as essential costs of having a child are NOT.
E.g.sportsware, all children grow quickly, you can source a lot of stuff second hand. And the designer trainers don't make them run any faster...

I did say some was discretionary spending. I'd prefer to spend what I can on fewer children than have more kids and spend less.

It isn't cheap, we are fairly comfortable and have three - we dont have much spare but equally we dont watch every penny we spend. When we were debating a third we discussed the cost implications a lot, yes we'd be able to afford more if we only had one or two children - but by that logic we'd be able to afford much more if we had none. My mum put things in perspective for me when she said "if we never had dd3 we could have taken you and dd1 to hawaii instead of spain" and as annoying as my youngest sister was as a child I wouldn't trade her for any lifestyle upgrade!

Sorry I've just re-read your post and you say they're not essential.
But your comment about your son's expensive Nike habit did make me laugh! How old is he?! He could, potentially, get his own job to fund his habit. 😄

I mentioned my sons Nike habit which was of course a bit tongue in cheek as he is a child. He is 10 so can’t get a job yet, he will when he is 16, he can’t wait to have his own money.

I can say no to him but why should I when I can afford it? Nike stuff fits his skinny frame really well and when he outgrows it I sell on Vinted and someone else then gets a bargain.

Any clothes that aren't basic joggers/jeans, t-shirts and hoodies from asda or eBay are Christmas presents only here. And all clothes are handed down until they wear out. None of my dc have particularly expensive tastes. Ds1 is starting to but he has a part time job so he saves up and pays for his own expensive stuff.

On the other hand, my dc have each other to play with. During lockdown they had a brilliant time, a couple of hours of school work and then the rest of the day pretending to be astronauts or owning their own restaurant or competing in the Olympics. My best memories of my childhood were when other children came round to play and suddenly everything became more exciting because we had enough people for a good game. I wanted that for my dc which is why we had 4 (and then ds5 sneaked in while dh was waiting to be snipped!)

It's expensive. When they were younger toddlers I just passed everything down to the youngest. Now they're older they're both into gaming but different ones do for Xmas they want exp gifts. Gifts when little mainly consisted of the bogof im sainsburys! I wouldn't choose to have a 2nd if I did it all again I don't think but I had a massive urge to have a 2nd at the time. Moving forward it will cost even more, if they both go to uni, both buy a house etc. What I try to do for 1 I meed to do for the other.

On the positives they are best friends ( most of the time) and will hopefully still be close as they grow up so after I'm gone they will have each other. That's what I tell myself anyway

I think people saying "they get more expensive as they get older" have older children either weren't paying as much for their nursery costs, have forgotten how much they were paying or have a very out of the norm expectations for living standards.

Full time nursery for my son would cost £1200 a month. There's a sibling discount and he'd get free hours soon but two in nursery would be at least £2000 a month before I've bought anything that's actually for them. No way will I be spending £24k a year on my children (or £15k a year for an only) as they get older. Even accounting for foreign holidays and technology gifts for Christmas, that's insane.

NonSequentialRhubarb. Come back to this thread in ten years time!

We had a nanny when the kids were preschoolers. It costs us more now.

I’ve 3 - it’s expensive and I have to work part time as I personally couldn’t cope with full time work. We just didn’t put much thought into affording three I guess! Although we get a holiday every year and they can do extra curricular activities ect…. So we manage but we’d be considerably more comfortable with one child - but I prefer a big family than having more money so no regrets here.

I’m pregnant with my first and it will also be my last. Cost £30k in ivf to get pregnant. We can give one child so much more than we could give two. I wouldn’t want the cost of a second child to cause the first one to miss out on anything. There’s no guarantee siblings would get along anyway.

@HarryOHayandBettyOBarley

I really doubt most parents are paying £16K a year for children's hobbies. I know there are expensive options like motor racing, horse ownership, etc. but the number of DC doing these are tiny.

A few of my DC's friends do own horses but they live on farms which does reduce the cost significantly.

I think for the vast majority the highest cost has to be the early years - reduction in income, loss of pension contributions and nursery fees. University costs would be next.

The difference between the above and your examples are the discretionary basis they rest on. You can choose which DC hobbies you are prepared to fund. Whilst I could have only taken 2 weeks mat leave rather than 12 months I would still have been faced with unavoidable childcare costs that total tens of thousands.

Well yes of course expenses are discretionary - some would even say orthodontic treatment is discretionary as are restaurants, holidays, excursions, university.

I have one so far but would love to have another.

However, the actual logistics worry me daily. Baby only goes to nursery for 2 days but that's over £600 a month, can't afford that bill twice so need to wait for 1st to get some free hours - even then, it's not actually free. She is with my parents for 2 days - would they want/be willing to look after a 2nd as well, at the same time as her? No in-laws locally to share the load. How will we manage school holidays once nursery is over?

It all feels so complicated.

Financially we would 100% be better off with just the one, no question. Logistically it is easier in every sense. But I would dearly love to have another, and I would also love to give my child a sibling she can share her childhood and hopefully the rest of her life with.

I think your point about nursery funding is important. There are plenty of people who have zero childcare costs due to grandparents offering free support.

If you have to fully fund nursery it is really expensive. I’m looking forward to my DS starting private school when he’s 4 as it is cheaper than nursery. That just doesn’t feel right to me.

We have 4 children on one salary but we cut our cloth accordingly, luckily our children like the simple things in life!

Nursery fees for DC1 were £1600 a month at their height, £500 a month once we moved and 30-hour funding kicked in. Even now they have after-school activities, weekend clubs, wraparound care, sports gear, bikes, birthday parties to attend and their own to have, uniform, etc, I don’t spend £500 a month, let alone £1600, and my earning power has increased since I’m no longer pregnant and sick, or on leave and earning nothing, or flat-out exhausted from renters night waking. Nothing will ever be as expensive as sending DC1 to nursery while on maternity leave with DC2.

Childcare and a mortgage for a house big enough for two kids of different sexes, and two WFH spaces, are the big budget items for us. University the next big blow. In-between, we’ve just adjusted expectations - eg days out take a bit more planning as a cafe lunch for two adults and a small child is different from one for two adults and two strapping kids with hearty appetites. Picnics hunched behind walls out of the wind all the way, here, ice cream van only on occasion; uniform is second hand (and thankfully the school has good quality second hand stuff in abundance), bikes and instruments and kit and just about everything is second hand. If they grow up to have designer habits they can find that themselves, but hopefully they’ll take after me – I was always a vintage-wearing teenager, it was cooler than labels.

Have big gaps so only one childcare at a time.

And Uni at the other end.

I have 3 ranging from late primary to uni.

Older teens are the biggest cost by far for our household. I did not/do not pay nursery, childcare or wraparound at any stage so never had that bill. Nor did I take more than a few weeks maternity leave so no huge cost there. My DC have always come to work with me from babyhood, and/or we’ve worked nights or opposite shifts. So never any childcare costs, means my older DC cost 10x now what they did as toddlers.

I am shocked by that amount! That is simply unaffordable for the vast majority of families. I can imagine that in a lot of cases, those sort of fees mean one parent ends up being pushed out of the workforce as they simply can not pay it.

2 kids here she at college now. Creche was high for two at the time. 3 is alot if its childcare for 3. Gets expensive as they got older.