The cost of having more than one kid

[Twogreen]

I always pictured us having two, possibly even three children. I like the idea of family Christmas meals and siblings having each other.

Fast forward to now and there are many perks I can see to having one. I don’t see how two will be affordable for lots of families with the more expensive life gets. I was watching a video earlier where someone was talking about how stretched and penniless they are trying to get by on SMP. Once is manageable, as there is only you, DH and the baby to think about. Whereas 2nd time round it’s harder to save for maternity leave as you are either paying nursery fees, or if you leave a bigger age gap there is still, birthdays, Christmas, new uniforms and trips etc to afford for the first all while on the reduced wage. Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving, and expenses which come along with being a teenager.

The only way I can see people managing it comfortably is if they are some or all of the following: very high earners, one stays at home or works very part time, or have significant family help. I really don’t know how anyone has multiple as prices continue to rise

Am I barking up the wrong tree?

It’s definitely a reason why women who are usually the lower earner tend to either go part time or give up their job completely.

I’m the higher earner but it is still a good chunk and paying it for 3 is going to be eye watering.

We currently pay £2302 a month for one child. Full time.

We'll have 3 under 2 when our twins are born, not looking forward to the nursery fees!

That is super expensive. Surely it would be more economical to have a nanny than pay almost £7000 a month for nursery?

There must be cheaper nurseries around too? But I know you, like most others, will want to provide the best place possible for your children instead of the cheapest.

It would be cheaper to have a nanny but we prefer to use a nursery setting. The nursery we use is excellent and the location is perfect so it will be worth every penny, thankfully it won't be forever!

It would be cheaper to have a nanny but we prefer to use a nursery setting. The nursery we use is excellent and the location is perfect so it will be worth every penny, thankfully it won't be forever!

I understand. We all want the best we can manage for our children.

Don’t rule a nanny out completely just yet. Logistically you may find a nanny more suitable if/when one or more of the children are ill and the nursery won’t take them - the chances of one of three being ill at any given time is high.

This is one of the main reasons we don't have children - we can't even afford one. My salary would only just cover full time nursery for one child, and we couldn't afford the mortgage and bills on just my husband's salary.

Like I said, if you're spending more than we are per month on your children (£2k plus all their actual expenses like clothes, birthdays etc) then you are living a lifestyle far beyond the average.

People who say kids get more expensive as they get older usually haven't paid for full time childcare or are forgetting working part time or not working at all is in fact a financial cost of sorts. Or they're too dense to understand necessities vs discretionary spending.

My son has a residential to be paid for that's £800 next summer, that wasn't even half my overall childcare bill even 10 years ago.

£2302 😱 just on nursery 😱 that's almost what 6 of us have to live on for the month 😞

I don't disagree with what you're saying, but to give another perspective. We have three and if we'd started earlier we'd have liked four. We have a high income but live in the US, and I expect to drop about $300k to put them each through college.

i don't have words for the joy I get from having a bigger family. There are no holidays or activities on earth that I'd swap for seeing their bond develop. Obviously a good sibling relationship is no guarantee but I'm feeling good about it. The idea of affirmatively choosing to have an only child so that you can pay for more expensive "stuff" just seems a bit hollow to me.

It's the trips out that I find is the most expensive as they get older. My nearly 13 year old has adhd and he needs plenty of exercise otherwise he will get into mischief. He is short so we can just about get away with taking him to soft play. That ends up being £40+ for me and 3 dc and a drink each (you aren't allowed to bring your own drink and 13 year old will vomit if he charges around soft play for 2 hours). You can only stay for 2 hours which isn't enough to wear the dc out properly. Trampoline park, when ds3 can no longer pass as being 11, is £55-60 for 1 hour for me and 3 dc. It works out better value to go to one of those places that have animals, outdoor play and a big soft play where you can stay all day, although that means I have to pay £30 for my 2 older ones who would rather be on the x box.

Totally agree with this.

In terms of the 'come back in 10 years time' from @HarryOHayandBettyOBarley - mine are all in their 20s now, so I have seen them to adulthood.

If you are paying for your childcare, then that surely has to be the most expensive time, and, for those who give up work, then a whole salary lost is going to be more than you ever need to spend on them. There's no way I've spent the equivalent of FT childcare on teens, even when we've paid for them to go skiing or on other expensive trips......that trip would only be the equivalent on one month's childcare, not twelve.

I also think that for those in "professional jobs" / careers, you household income generally goes up as the dc get older, so there is often more money in the household budget to make choices with, than there is when you are much earlier on in your careers.

I’m finding they seem to get more expensive as they age out of primary school. I’m a SAHP though, so we didn’t have to pay nursery fees. We have three very close in age, and the expense now that they are moving into their teens is terrifying! It’s the food, holidays, clothes, and extracurriculars that have really been a steep upswing. We are lucky that DH earns a great salary—it means that even with three we can afford everything we need and most of what we want—but three really does push you into the next category of expensive because the world is set up for families of four. That’s worth considering, especially for holidays.

The teen years are something we didn’t really consider when we were doing our affordability calculations all those years ago, I must admit! It sort of feels like you are floating extra adult roommates for every aspect of life. Thankfully we can afford it, but I imagine the expense could really blindside a person if they were assuming that there would be a long financial exhale between the end of nursery and the start of university fees.

I WFH the majority of the time and just wouldn't feel comfortable with a nanny around. We also prefer the reliability of nursery with no nanny holidays or illnesses to think of as well as nursery having multiple nursery workers for safeguarding reasons.

You are right though, I suppose we shouldn't completely dismiss it. Nursery with 1 has worked perfectly so far but 3 could be very different.

Very similar values too with my four. They are not materialistic at all. Lots of hand me downs, but also they don't see me shopping for unnecessary things.

It's how they are raised, not the amount you have.

Living in Scotland means fees at uni are paid for by SAAS so that isn't so bad if any of the four wanted to go into higher education.

They can save up for their own driving lessons like I did too years ago.

@Isabellivi I live in California and can not relate to this… even though i am in SF Bay Area where it is the most expensive…. having 2 did not seem that big of a deal. Having 3 even less. I have stayed home with children. In the USA it is possible to have a large family with one income.

Oh come on, that's great for you if that's your situation but you surely must know that that isn't typical for Americans at all? I don't get this brainwashing of some to still try and push the USA as the greatest country in the world when people have long wised up.

It's one of the least family friendly countries in the world where its not uncommon for people to pay thousands of dollars to give birth even with health insurance. Paid maternity leave is rare and for people who do get it it doesn't come close to comparing to other countries. Even the unpaid leave is awful and it's considered perfectly normal for tiny 8 week old babies to go into childcare settings. Paid annual leave and sick leave are also miniscule which is really shit for everyone but especially families. People haven't even heard of the concept of child benefit. There's no job security, you can get fired at the drop of a hat. That's not even getting in to the issue of kids having to do school drills to prepare for active shooters.

I have a newborn baby so I've spent a lot of time of pregnancy boards over the last 6 months and it's really shocking to read the financial stress that so many Americans face when having a child.

That "stuff" could be the mortgage or feeding your current child.

What a bad faith reading of the post you linked to in which it was clear that stuff meant the luxury goods and brands cited in earlier posts and not life's essentials like a secure home and food.

Thank you, you saved me typing the same thing!