The cost of having more than one kid

[Twogreen]

I always pictured us having two, possibly even three children. I like the idea of family Christmas meals and siblings having each other.

Fast forward to now and there are many perks I can see to having one. I don’t see how two will be affordable for lots of families with the more expensive life gets. I was watching a video earlier where someone was talking about how stretched and penniless they are trying to get by on SMP. Once is manageable, as there is only you, DH and the baby to think about. Whereas 2nd time round it’s harder to save for maternity leave as you are either paying nursery fees, or if you leave a bigger age gap there is still, birthdays, Christmas, new uniforms and trips etc to afford for the first all while on the reduced wage. Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving, and expenses which come along with being a teenager.

The only way I can see people managing it comfortably is if they are some or all of the following: very high earners, one stays at home or works very part time, or have significant family help. I really don’t know how anyone has multiple as prices continue to rise

Am I barking up the wrong tree?

That is bonkers

I think there is quite a lot of value in siblings actually, even if they hate each other! Siblings are the only relationships where you are on a truly equal footing and can push boundaries and help you learn where that line is. They are the only people who have experienced the same as you and can share the burden of parents.
I know lots of only children who cant cope with sharing or too much noise of having to wait their turn or have to eat something that is someone else favourite or not getting their own way and I think that having a sibling would have helped make them much nicer people. On the other hand also know only children who are lovely and polite, its not being an only child that creates this but rather the parenting. in the same way that not all families with siblings are unruly and not providing enough 'activities and fancy holidays'!

I think that regardless of how many children you have it is up to the parent to create well rounded, kind individuals and this can be achieved if you only have 1 child or 5, as long as we, as parents create the right environment.

As much as we have occasional what if pangs about a second, we've stuck with one and regularly ponder on how doable it all feels. Two would be such a challenge and affect all our quality of life. I often think wow one means we can do x y x and overcome any challenge really that comes out way. It's definitely not a bad choice, you're not wrong and it's more common now- our dc is now 7 and plenty of onelies at school

I have 4. All teens now and I am on my knees financially these days.
When they were little was fine, as they get older they seem to get more expensive.
Recent price rises of everything mean I am absolutely buckled.

I think the loss of earnings and pension contributions (mine plus employers) will be as high as the nursery fees over 2 mat leaves (both the full 12 months).

It does seem more and more like a popular choice

Nursery fees pale into insignificance when the kids get older and the expenses really start.

It’s this! Most shoes are £40 a pair. Fine if it’s one but when you’ve got to buy two is £80+ whenever they just need shoes. I don’t know how people afford it. I would like two to have a bigger family but I would be lots more stressed mainly financially and I don’t know if that’s worth it… probably not.

Not to mention iPhones, school trips, pocket money… sure these things are non essential but I don’t want a life of going without for two when one could have a great time

@HarryOHayandBettyOBarley

How? We were paying £1400 a month for nursery fees for 2 children.

How could anything child related cost more than that? That's more than £16K a year.

You don't have to pay that much for shoes when they are really young. Obviously do get through a few pairs during the school year though!

A second child isn't "just a sibling" though, so you're "siblings being entirely unnecessary" comment is ridiculous. Not many people have a second child just to give their existing child a sibling, they do it as they want another child. A second, third, forth child, is another human being, not just a younger sibling/playmate for the others. "One and done" is great if that's what suits you, but lots and lots of families choose to have a second (or more). My dc2 is as wonderful as her big sister, and I couldn't imagine life without her. She was not born to give dc1 a sibling, the fact they get on very well, entertain eachother, and have a lovely relationship, and close bond, is a bonus, and I love seeing how much they adore eachother and look out for one another, but she is far far more than just a little sister.

There’s a few years of childcare and then they’re in school. You don’t have to be rich, you just cut your cloth accordingly. We don’t have many luxuries, but we have a nicely chaotic house. If you choose to only have one, great, but I wouldn’t write it off because of money, many people never have any children for that reason

We have an extremely high household income. Both myself and DP have 6 figure salaries. Affordability is never an issue.

However with literally zero family support we have to do absolutely everything ourselves along with our work.

logistically it would be virtually impossible for us to cope with more than one child unless we went down the route of employing a nanny which really doesn’t appeal to me.

Money is of course important however in my experience having wider family support is equally vital. Without it you are always one relatively minor incident away from a major logistical headache.

I have three, I can't think of anything I'd rather spend my money on.

We have 5 (youngest was a contraception failure). There have been advantages and disadvantages. We don't get any help with childcare but in-laws pay for the dc piano lessons so they each do that as an after school activity. They all have SEN so pretty much all mainstream activities like scouts, ballet etc they can't do anyway. The SEN activities in our area are much less often which makes it more affordable. Some things are subsidised by children in need so we pay something like £3.50 per child for 2 hours. Ds1 doesn't want to go to university and the others are too young to decide yet.

Good point.

I live in California and can not relate to this… even though i am in SF Bay Area where it is the most expensive…. having 2 did not seem that big of a deal. Having 3 even less. I have stayed home with children. In the USA it is possible to have a large family with one income. Childcare center is free for me as a student and it is part of the colleges early childhood development program so it is really great pre school and right there on campus where I can peek in.

When I become a nurse I will be make $100,000 or more per year, so I won’t be eligible for all the assistance I get now but I won’t need it either. From what I understand people earn more money here and pay less taxes.

Right now I get $860 per month free money for food while I have no income. My rent is paid for (it would be $2100 if I didn’t get housing aid) and I live in a nice new 3 BR house with a huge fenced yard in a nice location with my own washer dryer.

My education is basically free to become a nurse and I am eligible for all these benefits even though I own property and have a considerable savings, since they only look at my income. The US government makes it very easy for anyone reasonably smart and responsible to get ahead in life.

It sounds… amazing??

£700 a month is not that much for a months childcare for one child. I’m presuming that wasn’t full time five days a week childcare?

Afterschool costs £300 a month per child. Add additional expenses including activities - music £100 per month per child. Sport - annual membership, dance £70 per month, scout outings - £25 per month plus annual membership, pocket money £40 per month per child, tutor £160 per month, school trips, extra travel holiday expenses, medical, orthodontics, electronics - phones, tablets. Daily school transport, clothes, shoes. Uni fees to come along with financially (at least contributing to living expenses)). Of course many expenses are discretionary but if a child is interested in doing something who wants to refuse because it was your decision to have multiple kids? Like other posters above I too am buckling trying to afford two children.

Don't get sick though.

@HarryOHayandBettyOBarley

No, I returned part time after mat leave.

Mine are 11 and 9 now. The costs are minimal in comparison to the nursery years.

Your expenses may be minimal but that isn’t the case for others when kids are interested in pursuing interests and parents want to give them the opportunities to do so.

Like other posters, I find the older they get, the more expensive they get. And that is not taking into account parent’s time.

We currently pay £2302 a month for one child. Full time.

We'll have 3 under 2 when our twins are born, not looking forward to the nursery fees!

I have two age 10 and 7 and it is expensive, they both have hobbies with monthly fees then equipment/uniforms regularly needing bought, shows, competitions etc.

School is expensive with uniforms, bags, shoes that they constantly grow out of, trips, shows, charity days.

Then of course the birthday parties, the clothes (my DS has an expensive Nike habit), the days out, Christmas, holidays, games console fees, fucking Robux…..the list is endless. Of course not all of these things are essential but it’s easy to see how it adds up.

We did very much want a third though, and it would have been a tight squeeze with finances for a few years but it would have been worth it IMO. However it wasn’t to be.