The cost of having more than one kid

[Twogreen]

I always pictured us having two, possibly even three children. I like the idea of family Christmas meals and siblings having each other.

Fast forward to now and there are many perks I can see to having one. I don’t see how two will be affordable for lots of families with the more expensive life gets. I was watching a video earlier where someone was talking about how stretched and penniless they are trying to get by on SMP. Once is manageable, as there is only you, DH and the baby to think about. Whereas 2nd time round it’s harder to save for maternity leave as you are either paying nursery fees, or if you leave a bigger age gap there is still, birthdays, Christmas, new uniforms and trips etc to afford for the first all while on the reduced wage. Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving, and expenses which come along with being a teenager.

The only way I can see people managing it comfortably is if they are some or all of the following: very high earners, one stays at home or works very part time, or have significant family help. I really don’t know how anyone has multiple as prices continue to rise

Am I barking up the wrong tree?

We have two, and aren't high earners. dh earns a reasonable amount, but I haven't worked full time since before dd1 was born, and she's now 9. Financially two hasn't made much difference to us I don't think, but we had lots of family help and involvement. Grandparents in this country have been very hands on from early on, and grandparents abroad who can't contribute their time, have been generous by paying preschool fees for both, and now pay for the majority of their extracurricular clubs. Without their help it still would be doable, just not as comfortable. We go abroad at least twice a year, run two cars, have a nice and big enough house, and never feel strapped for cash. But we live in a relatively affordable part of the country, and don't waste money on gadgets and lavish "things". I don't think having one would make us that much better off financially, as the big extra costs of dc2 have mainly been covered by grandparents. Clothes/uniforms can be handed down, obviously double the amount of presents and birthday parties to consider, but it certainly hasn't made a huge difference to our finances by having two. We save money for them each month to cover future costs, uni fees, hose deposits etc so hopefully that shouldn't be too much of a stretch later on. Three kids would have made things tight though, and the fact we are so comfortable and happy with the current lifestyle meant a third unfortunately won't be on the cards. I think more than two does change things alot more than 1 or 2 does. We wouldn't expect the same level of help from grandparents for a third child, and saving for three kids futures would have meant they'd all end up with much less. For us, two is perfectly doable, any more, and it would be really pushing things.

But also the idea that people have their children and never earn more money- I have two children, I hope to continue to climb the career and money ladder, so that when they are older and they cost more we can keep up. Is that unusual? Has everyone financial peaked pre children?

It's more unusual for women but pretty standard for men. Women tend to go part time if they stay in work once they have children which can hinder them, both financially and continuing to climb the career ladder.

I feel the same but I guess it can be harder

Man or women- family incomes tend to go up, even if only once secondary school age.

Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving

Well, no they don't.
I mean, if you have enough money to be able to help your adult dc when the time comes, then that is obviously nice for them, but they aren't 'expenses' that all parents are expected to meet.

Obviously, if you have 2, 3, 4, or more children it means you will be spending more than if you have 1 child.
In the same way that if you have no children at all, you will save LOADS of money compared with a couple that don't have any children.

The thing is, having a family, is a decision that is way bigger than an account sheet.

Hundreds of thousands - no, millions of families make things work without being on big salaries.
If people choose to have one, then great - if that is what they want, but if they want 2, or 3, then they cut their cloth to suit the budget.

I have 4, it’s not cheap and they are still all young. However, Dh & I purchased a house a while ago, 4 bed and have a small mortgage, we live in a cheaper area of the UK. They do activities, trips, holidays camping, days out and abroad. I’m about to return to work after studying part time whilst being a sahm to save on childcare before youngest started school. If we had not purchased a house way back in 2008 we never would be where we are now or been able to have & support 4dc.

We have 2 and are lucky to have a high income, and I'm a sahm so low childcare costs. But my youngest is 19m and we are just starting to feel the extra expense - lots of days out and trips to the theatre are starting to charge for the toddler now (she was getting in free as a babe in arms), we'll have to pay for her on flights, and she eats as much as her big sister! We've not had to buy much in terms of clothes and toys but that's quite a minimal cost. Our mortgage is very high as we bought earlier this year (moved from a 2 bed to a 4 bed, so heating etc has gone up too).

We pay for private school and lots of extracurriculars and trips out etc, so all those expenses will be doubled (with a tiny sibling discount in some cases). Of course a lot of it is discretionary spending and many families won't spend anything on the activities we choose. But we want to provide that kind of lifestyle for our dcs and we can afford it, but the reality of actually paying for it does make me wince now ("How much?!") we're having to do it.

Most families I know have more than one dc though, of all income ranges, so I agree it's just not a financial decision for most people. I really wanted that experience of having a busier family life with 2 dc (but no busier than this - I couldn't manage having more dc than adults!) and having siblings giggle together on days out and comparing their toys on Christmas Day.

I’ve found it’s not so much the maternity pay and childcare fees (though that obviously doesn’t help) but more all the little things that add up. Specifically clothes, shoes, activities etc. We buy second hand where we can and are fairly careful with money but it just disappears every month in a way it didn’t when we had one. And I’ve heard it gets more expensive as they get old! I think that’s why we’ll be stopping at two, you must have to be absolutely loaded to have more.

Thank you for the other perspective!

I have 3 - 2 are twins - single parent - you make the best of it. Personally I think having siblings is more important than material things like holidays and cars etc. there is no law that says you have to pay for driving lessons, uni, housing and so on. I paid my own way for all of those things as I'm expect my children to.

No way would I deliberately be one and done on the basis that uni is expensive and then that child reach 18 and decides uni isn't for them or gets an apprenticeship or something

Personally having a sibling is a lot more enriching emotionally and developmentally

@Twogreen case in point being the post from @heronmane. So many things there that wouldn't even have entered my head. Theatre trips, flights, private schools. If you can afford it great but don't be thinking you need to keep up with the Joneses and buy all that shit instead of living a bit smaller and having a second child if that's what you'd rather.

Sorry @heronmane realise that sounds like I'm having a go. I'm not. As I said we live within our means and your means allow you to afford all that stuff and a sibling, which is great! I just meant that if it was theatre tickets vs a second child then decide what your priorities are.

We had three. We worked overseas to be able to buy our house outright on our return and could have surviving financially, just, with me at home but I chose to pursue my medical career so we had a nanny, altho she wasn’t full time.

It depends where you live.

We are relatively high income (as in real life, below he apparent Mumsnet average) but our outgoings are relatively low...

TAke extracurricular. We spend less than £50 month on both. They do sports, Scouts, creative stuff...

We camp on the summer and Ski in winter... but smaller resorts not big names.

None of us have ipads, iPhone etc... more basic technology that still does the job.

We live within our means. We are saving for university.

We had two close together as childcare costs didn't make sense back then (it was only 15hrs at 3yo to limit my time ot of workplace)

We didn't go for the fancy 4 bed new build... a nice average 3 bed.

In a way te costs of children expand t fill your income

Then they grow up and need support for housing, education, driving

You don't have to pay for any of these. Your adult children can save their money for these things (like what me and my siblings are doing/have done). We're in our 20s and late teens now. I have one child but I don't think it's easy to afford to raise more than one nowadays unless one of the parents is a high earner or the household relies on benefits. I wanted two.

We were well equipped for 2. We have a big 12 year age gap so eldest is in secondary school. No idea if that makes is cheaper or more expensive 😂 We could easily afford all new baby bits etc when youngest was born in 2021.Then redundancy happened so that made it harder for us, so as situations can get worse financially, they can also get better. In my experience with my friends and family you just make it work. I work PT now and earn about 30k less so we are not as well off as we were but in the grand scheme of things when little one goes to school I can go full time again, but I’m soooo glad i’ve got this time with them and I am so much less stressed!

One and deliberately done here. Dd has never wanted a sibling, quite the opposite in fact (cemented by seeing how many of her secondary school friends had bad edging to toxic sibling relationships). But the first year of her life when I was breastfeeding was definitely the cheapest. She's gradually got more and more expensive, culminating in super expensive university fees. But to me my main role as a parent is firstly to produce an emotionally stable, independent and open minded adult, and secondly to give my child every single opportunity that I can to ensure she has many, many doors to choose from as she goes through life. Siblings are entirely unnecessary imo.

Siblings are entirely unnecessary imo wow that’s a bit of a snarky comment. You’re one and done great but don’t dismiss a role of a sibling. I can never afford to send my children to private school, I wouldn’t dismiss the benefits. There’s pros and cons to everything. And by your token a child is completely unnecessary- you could have had an even more financially rewarding life without 1.

I know you don’t but life would be ten times harder without support, I feel like year on year it’s more expensive. Driving lessons are now £40ph round here. Etc. I think early childhood can be done to a budget to an extent- you can use hand me downs for clothes and they don’t need 101 Christmas presents but as they get older and need a computer for schoolwork, and other opportunities I’m sure you’d have to cut right back to provide equally unless you had one. For us it might mean we could do it but no holidays and not as many treats. Not sure if that is worth it, as you have to enjoy life too not add another in and then mean you can’t give as much to the first or yourselves.

That sounds ideal. I suppose big age gaps are possible!

We have 2. Our household income is pretty average (75k, not London). I work 4 days, DH 5.
It's manageable tbh. We had a few lean years where they were both in nursery. They're 5 and 7 now and don't cost much at all. They Go to afterschool club 4 days a week, which is £320 a month for them both. We have enough to left after everything to save a decent sum, we can afford modest holidays, theatre trips, days out.
Tbh saving less now that out mortgage has gone up quite a lot but we're still doing OK.
Having 2 is wonderful, they're so close and adore eachother.

They only help with two usually.

People usually wait until funded hours kick in to try for another. If I have another I would wait until my youngest is three then do it.

Nothing is more expensive than the cumulative total of may leave followed by nursery fees. When we had 2 in nursery, the fees were bigger than the mortgage.