Are my kids spoilt/entitled?

[Appleblum]

Several incidents struck me about my kids' behaviour recently. For example:

• our grocer sold out of their favourite milk and our backup brand from the supermarket was also sold out. I bought supermarket own brand milk and they refused it after trying as it 'tastes like vomit'. The milk was left untouched and both kids went without milk for 2 days before I restocked with their regular brand.

• they ask for home made packed lunches everyday as they don't like school food. If I'm unable to do a packed lunch they'll begrudgingly eat school food for a day but will whine about it once they're home, or choose to go hungry until I pick them up.

• on holiday in Venice they were very happy on the private water taxi but didn't like the crowded water buses. They pulled faces until I gave them a strict talking to.

DH doesn't think it's an issue as their behaviour does not negatively affect other people, and he feels that it means they just have high standards for themselves (they like nice food and the taxi is definitely more comfortable). I agree with him to an extent but also feel abit uneasy. I don't want them to turn into brats! They are 7 and 8, should I be worried?

Your kids sound like they're in a very privileged bubble and well on the way to becoming snobs. One of the least appealing things about snobs is their ignorance about how normal people live. No better time to start rectifying that than when they're young

I assume that “normal people” is a very specific subset of people who are totally impervious to any form of snobbery?

There is always someone or something to be snobbish and petty about no matter what the class signifiers or whomever the group of people.

I assume that the particularly specific and try-hard class signifiers that the OP has so obviously cultivated in writing are the only items around which snobbery can develop?

OMG you are the type of person on MN that just has to keep digging at one particular poster , you have to prove your point , you have to be right ! . That's quite an obsession you have there. Stop derailing the thread it makes it shit for everyone else .

Well, at least they’re not quite as spoilt-bratty as the Gdd of someone I know. While they were out shopping friend offered to buy her a jumper she thought she’d really like.

Gdd turned her nose up. ‘I only wear designer.’
She was three!

You are funny!

I'm replying to you? If you don't want me to, stop posting about me / tagging me / taking issue with my responses!

No, not proving a point, simply calling you out on the language you used about children.

Not derailing the thread, I'm replying to you, who is on the thread, about the topic at hand - the opposite of a derail.

Not aware anything I am posting is making anything 'shit for everyone else'.

It's amusing that you think there's one set of rules for you but that it is different for everyone else!

@EarringsandLipstick

Naagh , I can't be fucked to read any of that 😉

If it was stropping between ASDA semi-skimmed and Booths semi-skimmed because they'd seen the packaging, that would be overly fussing. The difference between homogenised and non-homogenised is a more fundamental difference in the taste, texture and behaviour of the milk.

Children get tired and overwhelmed on holiday. A mild displeasure at standing on a bumpy waterbus and crowded by larger adults is a normal reaction. It doesn't mean anything deeper than them not coping brilliantly at any particular moment.

Children don't have advanced, polished social skills. What matters is modelling positive behaviour, guiding and discussing what's happening. They have their own tastes and preferences and family life is a series of compromises on all sides. It's not realistic to expect children to be grovellingly appreciative of everything they receive, but they do need guiding in how to respond diplomatically to disappointment

Raising an autistic child, we're particularly susceptible to strong reactions about disappointment, overwhelm and sensory input. Talking to him about what we will do, why, plan A and plan B increases his coping threshold. Even where there's underlying difficulties, there are ways to make it easier to learn and adapt. I'm not suggesting that OP's children are deviating from normal range behaviour, just that there are ways to scaffold awkward differences in what was anticipated and to help children's social skills to develop.

😂😘

Well obviously there are different types in relation to fat levels. I did say that earlier. Beyond that, brand makes no difference. It’s not possible that it does (unless - as suggested by a PP - you are getting it direct from a farm).

Wellllll,

My autistic children can't stand crowded environments and can taste the difference between certain foods. As can I. We will go without rather than eat other brands. However, blind taste test might find out whether it is prejudice or sensory. How are they in other crowded environments?

A lot of the food banks have a push at a local supermarket at this time of year where volunteers stand at the door and explain to people what is needed and ask them to buy one and put it in the donation box. Perhaps you and the DC could sign up to this as a good way to introduce them to the concept that some people have to go without meals? Its not a bad age to start teaching them that some people are much less fortunate than the are. If that isn't possible then perhaps taking them to the supermarket and getting them to pick out some things to donate to the foodbank or to a to shop to pick out some things to donate to a local police/rotary club Christmas toy scheme?

You're a povvo 😂

Your kids sound entitled to me. As others have said, expose them to as many variations in life as you can. I'm not being nasty, but my grandkids are a bit that way, and it's got nothing to do with money. It's more about teaching adaptation to life and curve balls. Stop buying their favourite milk, and give them no choice. Randomly select school food. Seems to me some kids are more like little adults, and really, they're just kids. And kids really do need to be kids. Shake it up a little, and communicate clearly that the parents are in control of the show. I'm guessing I'll get knocked down for my thoughts, but honestly the biggest issue with parenting today, or anytime really, is clear boundaries and roles. And yes, they still can have choice, but only within the context of your parenting.

OP you say - 'why am I feeling uneasy?' when you too like nice things, but it seems the problem is that they don't appreciate how privileged they are. Pulling their face while on holiday in Venice - seriously? Most adults nevermind children don't get the chance to holiday in Venice and tbh it doesn't sound like 'high standards' it sounds like utter snobbery.

We too are quite a well off household and whilst I don't mind them having an opinion on what they prefer, if they were rude enough to refuse it, not only would they go without but I'd also be taking the 'price difference' for luxury food and transport out of their pocket money for a while.

They sound fairly unpleasant and brattish sorry @Appleblum

Mine would have gone without milk and packed lunches and given the option of what was in the fridge, school lunches or nothing.

side note - how do milk brands differ in taste?? I mean, it’s MILK…??

Yes, parenting IS hard and so many judgements are hypocritical, as you say we're told to speak up and be true to ourselves whilst being told to put a brave face on, such it up and be polite!!

Cut yourself some slack. You've identified some potential bratty behaviour and want to nip it in the bud, they're still very young and learning about the wider world. I doubt they'll become brats because you won't allow it.

As for milk- we have supermarket own brand generally, but, being quite rural, we have milk vending machines at lots of farms and the milk is gorgeous, I don't know what the difference is but its definitely nicer. You've said that you're buying farm shop milk usually so I agree that it tastes different and kids will declare stuff as "yucky" and act like it's poison. In my day I wouldn't dare as I'd get a smack but we don't parent like that any more so children tend to be seen and heard a lot more than I was (child of the 60s/70s!)

To me yes they do sound bratty but really they are just used to a standard of life that you are providing. That's OK whilst they are kids but not so helpful when they have to support themselves and realise that perhaps they can't afford the same lifestyle.

I'd work on them understanding that whilst these things might be the norm in your home they aren't in others so they learn to be grateful. You've got plenty of time to help them learn to be appreciative of the lifestyle you have.

Is standing in a crowded bus any less uncomfortable because it's in Venice?

What I said was not that at all. I said that different brands of milk do taste different. You may not think so. Many might not think so, but there is. If you drink Fairlife milk and then drink generic milk, you will taste the difference. When I mentioned the different fat contents, I was saying that within those fat contents, the milk varies. Some skim milk tastes better than others. Some 2% tastes better than others, and ditto whole milk.

I will really blow your mind; H2O tastes different from different places too.

WTF is branded milk?? As PP said, put non branded in the branded bottle and see if they notice. I did it with step child who insisted that he could taste the difference in crunchy nut cornflakes. He could not.

It would be interesting to see if you just bought glass bottles and put any milk in them, and didn't say anything to them- would they care? It happens all the time on the buy good for less programme.

Then the money you save on milk, you can spend on water taxi's galore!

OP, you said that you felt it acceptable for your kids not to eat school food if they don’t like it and are pleased if they don’t actively complain. Your bar is very low and it does sound as if you aren’t preparing your children with the resilience needed in the real world. Snobbish or not is irrelevant but by constantly making excuses for them, you aren’t doing them any favours in the long run.

This is all very true but people whose children are not oppositional can be a bit smug about how easy it is not to give in to them.

I have three very different children and what I have learnt is that some children make you feel like you’re a brilliant parent and some children make you feel like you’re a terrible parent. Some comply and some don’t.

Ultimately, avoiding being controlling and argumentative was the most useful change I made. Modelling good behaviour and being a reasonable person will get you a lot further than being a hardliner about every detail of their lives. There is a place for confident and firm guidance but the skill is knowing where that becomes control for the sake of it.

Where is this real world where you are forced to eat food you don't like and can't dislike things in general (or complain actively or otherwise)?

So, as a child you never had to eat anything you don’t particularly like and have never been in that position as an adult either (work events, friends, family houses)? Interesting. My point was broader than just food though and I think you know that.

I suggest that once a week you make a point of sitting them down to read an article/watch a documentary/ write a piece about homeless/orphaned/traveller/Syrian/Palestinian/African children and how they are forced to live. At least then, they can have still have their "good taste", but also learn to have empathy and recognise the nobility in accepting less, instead of acting entitled and very ungrateful, which is what they are currently doing. Children are dying for lack of clean water to drink, remind them of that next time they throw a hissy over being given the "wrong type" of milk to drink. Suggest they give up their expensive taste for a month, and donate the money saved to a children's charity. I promise you will see a new light in their hearts you didn't know existed......