Are my kids spoilt/entitled?

[Appleblum]

Several incidents struck me about my kids' behaviour recently. For example:

• our grocer sold out of their favourite milk and our backup brand from the supermarket was also sold out. I bought supermarket own brand milk and they refused it after trying as it 'tastes like vomit'. The milk was left untouched and both kids went without milk for 2 days before I restocked with their regular brand.

• they ask for home made packed lunches everyday as they don't like school food. If I'm unable to do a packed lunch they'll begrudgingly eat school food for a day but will whine about it once they're home, or choose to go hungry until I pick them up.

• on holiday in Venice they were very happy on the private water taxi but didn't like the crowded water buses. They pulled faces until I gave them a strict talking to.

DH doesn't think it's an issue as their behaviour does not negatively affect other people, and he feels that it means they just have high standards for themselves (they like nice food and the taxi is definitely more comfortable). I agree with him to an extent but also feel abit uneasy. I don't want them to turn into brats! They are 7 and 8, should I be worried?

I’m guessing most of the passengers on the crowded water bus would have preferred the comfort and convenience of the water taxi.

The issue comes if your kids feel they are having to somehow slum it by going on the bus and then feel uncomfortable or cross about it as they feel they deserve the better alternative or are being denied it.

Same with the milk and the handmade lunch to their exact specification

I wouldn’t accuse them of being brats as they won’t really understand.

Just try to explain that variety in experience is a joy in life and saving the expensive bespoke options for special occasions and then being grateful for them is a gift. That accepting an option that isn’t on the face of it as good affords benefits in other ways- going a less direct route on the bus lets you see more areas, trying a new milk lets you discover ones you like as much as the regular, trying school meals lets you discover something new or at the least get used to sometimes pasting on a smile and being thankful for a full belly.

Make sure they understand they are not better than anyone else for having options. They might be fortunate but they aren’t inherently better or more deserving. I think that’s key.

I don't think this is OK because of it being your money (as opposed to other posters) - I think it is OK because if you had to take the bus you presumably would sit quietly and put up with it rather than kicking off in front of the other passengers about how terrible it was that you had to use it, implying that you think it is OK for them but not OK for yourself. In my opinion it is the rudeness to others if things don't go 100% your way that is the key issue that tips "preference" into "entitled".

On the milk front, I kind of feel the same but it's not the milk, it's the bottle they're stored in!

Cravendale milk is in a nice thick bottle, but cheaper milk is in a flimsy plastic bottle and the bottles really seem to stink.

I wouldn't be able to tell in coffee or when mixed with something strong but with cereal I absolutely would still be able to taste the bottle.

I am a ND adult though and do have a very strong sense of smell.

they ask for home made packed lunches everyday

This is an odd way of wording it and sounds like they are being more demanding than they actually are. What else would a packed lunch be if not 'home-made'? If you had said they don't like school dinners and would prefer a packed lunch, that would have sounded normal and unremarkable.

And the bus thing - presumably you are in Venice during school holidays when it is heaving and the water buses are absolutely rammed, Not much fun if there is nowhere to sit, nothing to hang on to and you are shorter than most of the people you are squished up against.

Yeah, the milk thing is fussy and the 'tastes like vomit' is a bit precious and over-dramatic. "It's not my favourite milk" Or "I prefer the other kind" is sufficient, thank you very much (stern look). So I'll give you that one.

Hey OP, my cousin grew up well off and at around the age of 9 started to act very entitled and rude to others.
My aunt signed them up to do charity, took her on the bus instead of car and generally pulled back a bit on the luxurious things she'd grown accustomed to.
She didn't mess around 😂
I'm glad she did what she did because I would never spend time with my cousin these days if so, but she's actually a lovely and kind woman so it worked out well.

If you're worried, I'd suggest something like this. It's hard being a parent and you just want to do the best for your kids.

Milk example: Milk is milk. Sounds to me like they’ve heard something similar about a branded/non-branded product? My sister is like this about Heinz beans after hearing my mum constantly tell my dad before he went to the shop: “Don’t buy me own brand or a different brand!”

Packed lunch: A lot of privileged children I went to school with also criticised a school dinner so they’ve probably just learned this at school. Notably only the privileged ones complained, I seem to remember. They need a reminder that some children don’t get one warm meal a day. I have younger kids but I feel this is still fine to say - especially to an 8yo.

Venice: They sound like entitled brats here, sorry to say, and like they lack emotional regulation slightly. I feel like 8 particularly is an age where you are able to suppress your disgust or another emotion somewhat, especially in public. If your husband sees this as a positive thing and then having high standards, again I’d question if they’re a chip off the old block ie him! 😂 Kids are of course little sponges.

They are still quite young but now is definitely time to correct this or they may very well be undeniable brats. I reckon you’re right to ask about it. I don’t agree with your husband’s views.

I’m extremely surprised they can tell the difference between brands of milk. I buy everything from supermarket own brand to organic and lately, arla b.o.b. and my dcs have never commented. I know certain things taste different depending on the brand but milk is surely just milk?

My dcs are privileged and lead a nice life however they wouldn’t be rude about things like using public transport as we’ve exposed them to a wide range of things/places since they were young and they know everyone isn’t as fortunate as them. They also attend schools that have a very strong social conscience and teach them the importance of being grateful and giving back. A bit of a reality check is in order I think, doesn’t have to be done in a negative way but they should be made aware that food is food and many people don’t have the luxury of being picky.

I have a child who doesn't like "normal" milk he prefers filtered however if I can't get filtered he will drink full fat blue top milk as its just as creamy but he does have additional needs likewise he won't eat school lunches being a teen he chooses to not eat anything (or drink unless he has too) all day I just throw an extra snack in his bag and let him continue

Yes do this

The water taxi thing.. I was always led to believe that this is standard. Kids ruin holidays with moaning don't they?

@Hattie89

I can 100% taste different brands of beans.

I agree with getting them to advocate for a preference is not bratty behaviour.

But their behaviour about dealing with a less than perfect milk is heading towards bratty. There are plenty of intolerant people who are overly susceptible to marketing that are a drain on energy of others, but in the end its hardest going for them as they will find it difficult to satisfy their needs. Ask anyone who has limited choices due to medical conditions.

Sounds like a good time to teach them budgeting and that will help them make choices and trade-offs.

Agreed! Of course they differ. So many posts on here saying they don’t though🙄

I don’t think your examples are terrible. They do need to learn to be more flexible about food though. Under 10s can be very picky but they tend to get better. School lunches are pretty poor at our school so no judgment about refusing those.

my kids struggled with crowds on the London Underground- they are not used to it and it was noisy and crowded. They may well be the same in Venice. I don’t think that makes them bratty.

I think just keep an eye on it and encourage politeness in reactions and being more flexible with food even if it’s not their favourite.

Just what I was going to say there might be a time that's all they can afford.

Yes doing a test is a good idea. It may be that they have hypersensitive tastebuds, common in autism and other conditions, which would also explain not liking the overcrowded watertaxi.

I always buy the filtered milk and I can taste the difference. And the milk from our village shop is absolutely rank.

They are way too fussy. Spoilt, yes.
They will not be uncomfortable in the company of wealthy folk but they will not like visiting poorer friends and will be judgemental. That is not a decent way to be.

Their poorer friends could also feel 'less then' at your home and at school when your children complain about nothing and every little thing.
I worry that they will not respect people with different cultures too.
I fear that they will not see what type of person they are with but rather note what they eat or wear. Your children could be easily swayed by nice things from wicked people and be rude to kind people using cheap milk.

With my kids (and my spoilt husband) I regularly pour no brand milk into their regular brand bottle. They like it. Then I show them. I buy foodstuffs and bathroom products as cheaply as I can some months. I take the kids to Target and Op Shops for clothes. Fussy is not nice to be around.

Brand consious people are not as welcoming as people who see the person first and foremost.

My old Dad always says - There's no shame in being poor; it's a generous character that counts most.

None of these seem like big deals to me.

I'm in Canada and most of us send our kids with packed lunches. I didn't know it was an issue. And I don't know any 7 yo's who make their own lunch.

They do it because you let them it’s a rod for your own back situation.

@Appleblum "DH doesn't think it's an issue as their behaviour does not negatively affect other people"

Yes it does. It affects you!

Everyone, even childten can have preferences, however the behaviour and way thru are conducting themselves is not good. To say it was really nice on the private taxi compared to this and wouldn't it be nice if we could do that now often but moaning and complaining is not OK. It sounds like they need a bigger dose of reality.
Start buying supermarket own brand milk... only option. Skip the branded favourites ( cereals etc) don't give them a choice. Use the price difference to make then select a load of shopping for the food bank for people who literally cannot afford to eat, let alone be fussy. Make them do this every week for a month or two.

I simply would never have tolerated attitude like this if it had surfaced. Its hideous and does no favours in the long run son they be expecting the latest I phone or fancy devices and clothes and when they are adults and start work and don't have much money what happens? Are you going to keep them in their prefence forever, are they going to develop bad ways of raising the cash to pay. Stop it now.

Why do people keep saying these kid complained,threw a strop, made a fuss etc about the water bus? They didn't say a thing, they just pulled some faces.

@Wiccan

That's right. I didn't - because yours were obnoxious & uncalled for.

Because most adults understand that fussiness is an indulgence, not the norm that they're entitled to. And most adults have discernment to know that while jacked-up prices and expensive branding can denote better quality, it doesn't always. And most adults have the social grace not to noticeably turn their noses up at the cheaper or less comfortable option. Adults who don't do these things are seen as awful snobs.

Your kids sound like they're in a very privileged bubble and well on the way to becoming snobs. One of the least appealing things about snobs is their ignorance about how normal people live. No better time to start rectifying that than when they're young.