Are my kids spoilt/entitled?

[Appleblum]

Several incidents struck me about my kids' behaviour recently. For example:

• our grocer sold out of their favourite milk and our backup brand from the supermarket was also sold out. I bought supermarket own brand milk and they refused it after trying as it 'tastes like vomit'. The milk was left untouched and both kids went without milk for 2 days before I restocked with their regular brand.

• they ask for home made packed lunches everyday as they don't like school food. If I'm unable to do a packed lunch they'll begrudgingly eat school food for a day but will whine about it once they're home, or choose to go hungry until I pick them up.

• on holiday in Venice they were very happy on the private water taxi but didn't like the crowded water buses. They pulled faces until I gave them a strict talking to.

DH doesn't think it's an issue as their behaviour does not negatively affect other people, and he feels that it means they just have high standards for themselves (they like nice food and the taxi is definitely more comfortable). I agree with him to an extent but also feel abit uneasy. I don't want them to turn into brats! They are 7 and 8, should I be worried?

Brilliant @MrsDanversGlidesAgain

Give it time. They will carry this attitude onto senior school, then they’ll find out who’s top dog. The trouble will be that they haven’t learnt any of life’s lessons.

If they are used to unhomogenised milk then homogenised milk (whether supermarket or branded) is definitely going to taste different to them. 🤷🏼‍♀️

*But they were not being judgemental about other passengers. They were unhappy about not getting a seat on the crowded bus and it showed on their faces because they are children and don't know how to mask it yet.

I think that's the issue I'm struggling with. I accept that it's perfectly reasonable for them to be unhappy about taking a bus, but I did not like that they were so obvious about it. However I am now second guessing if I should even expect them to be able to mask their unhappiness when they're so young... and aren't we always telling people to be true to themselves anyway? I certainly don't want my children to pretend to be happy in front of me when they're not. Ah parenting is so hard!*

And herein lies the problem. You're massively overthinking this. You're allowing your young children to influence you too much - and even worse, you have let them know how much they influence you. You're giving them too much choice because you're clearly not very decisive in your own choices.

You really need to stop over analysing and giving your children so much credence. It really doesn't do them any favours in the long run. Young children thrive when only given very small choices, safe in the knowledge that a sensible, authoritative parent is in control.

Problem with being so fussy is it may stop them from trying new experiences in the future, or feeling disappointed when they end up in careers where the only holiday they can afford comes with bus transfers.

But mainly, you do want your kids to have a slightly more gungho attitude I think, so they make the most of the small joys in life without being held back that the cute Italian hotel serves the wrong kind of milk while backpacking

Just throwing it out there…are there any sensory difficulties?
My son is very challenging when it comes to food. This includes type of milk and also school dinners. His difficulties go well beyond childish fussiness and bratty and entitled behaviour- his difficulties with food have a massive impact on his life.
sensory difficulties could also explain your children struggling with the water buses. My son would rather walk than go on the underground as he finds it distressing. I know underground London tube is v difficult to water buses but it may be worth considering

They do sound a bit bratty. It might be worth finding some age appropriate ways to help them understand how privileged their lives are. My parents could see similar in me and my sister I think, because we were growing up in very comfortable middle class surroundings, so we volunteered as a family. It helped give us a bit more of a world view outside our pretty privileged bubble.
They shouldn't feel guilty that they have branded milk (!) and holidays in Venice but ideally they'd feel appreciative. As a PP said maybe donating some well looked after toys or helping a charity could help.
It's fine to like nice things but it's not nice to expect them.

They just seem fussy to me. Hopefully they are not making a big drama because they can’t get what they want sometimes. If they do then yes they are spoiled.

You are their mum and you feel that they have become entitled and bratty, so you are probably correct.

It's nice to give your child a good standard of living but your examples of their behaviour do sound like they are becoming a bit entitled.

Trust in your own judgement and try to rein them in a bit.

With the milk, yes there is a huge difference between some milks. The town I grew up in still has a creamery where local farmers deliver too. I can tell the difference. It is the only milk I would drink as a drink. In tea/ coffee anything will do.

They don't actually sound bratty to me. I think you need to remind them to be grateful for what they have but it doesn't sound like they lost their crap over anything

Yes.

Your H is wrong about this suggesting they ‘have high standards for themselves’. They’ve not provided any of the costly goods and services for themselves, and they just want the stuff.

*It's not bratty to have a preference.

It is bratty to have a tantrum and whine about not being provided with that preference all the time.*

That’s the way to look at it - and it’s a good standard by which to judge the behaviour. So the whole “milk tastes like vomit” thing needs stamping out. Being uncomfortable on a crowded bus is fair enough; if they’d whined that they only want to travel in taxis, that wouldn’t be. In the same way that it’s fine to prefer Godiva, but it looks awful if someone offers you a tin of Roses and you say, “ugh - can’t be doing with cheap Cadbury’s chocolate”.

😂It never gets old.

Brave wee Fergus and his impeccable manners in the face of such upheaval.

“I slapped some straight from the pot before the dessert spoons were even passed around, it serves me right for being such a greedy gobbleganit.” 😂

Everyone’s going on about the milk but I think the worst thing is complaining about the water buses in Venice!

Omg they are amazing and such a great part about being in Venice. It’s so fascinating to see the Italians going about their day and see what a friendly, helpful, and polite culture they have. Also great to appreciate what incredible public transport infrastructure they have. You should have turned that into a teaching opportunity for them to learn about the modern day Venetian culture. Sitting in a private water taxi and segregating yourself away from the Venetian people is no way to truly experience the city.

Are you sure that with the school lunches there isn't something else at play? Like having to queue very long, unpredictability of choices left etc etc.

Stuff like this can really throw my DD off kilter.

The first two examples could pass as them being picky with food which whilst annoying, isn’t necessarily entitled in my opinion. The last example does make them seem spoilt to me, especially if they made their discontent obvious to other passengers.

My kids whined and moaned about everything in Venice. I was fit to throw them into the canal. But they didn't want to be there, I would not call a child entitled for being uncomfortable in a crowded situation in a foreign country.

The milk thing is being fussy, I know plenty adults who are worse about food so that's not unusual either.

It depends really OP on how they talk to people and to you, and what they do when things don't go their way. If they are brattish well you have caught it at the right time. Give consequences for bad behaviour and follow through. Help them understand what things cost so they learn the difference. Praise them for kindness not just achievement. My eldest (16) is really entitled and it upsets me, I don't know where I went wrong. My others are not so there is definitely a personality element to it too.

I'm quite surprised a 7 year old would know the difference between a branded milk and a supermarket brand?! In our house sometimes we have cravendale and sometimes we have tesco own brand, my 7 year old would never know the difference.

Gosh I’ve never had branded milk…

Or been to Venice…

Or had Godiva chocolate…

Am I a massive pleb?

DD hated the crowded beach bus on the holiday too. The bus kept making abrupt turns/stops. It was incredibly packed and people were sweating over other people, we kept being knocked with floats and toys , some people stank of booze and it was loud and uncomfortable. Just as bad as the Bakerloo line at rush hour during a heat wave really. I'm not a particular fan of either, and I'm sure I've pulled faces too and I'm an adult(supposedly 😬).

I think you are overthinking a bit- a lot of 7/8 year olds are still learning social niceties
about appearing grateful etc

milk- could see how that could taste different based on the comments.

food- lots of kids don’t like the school meals

crowded water buses- they could have easily been overwhelmed or scared of being on the crowded boat. That will have been quite different after a private boat. I don’t think you can expect children to have the same thought processes as an adult (eg I’m grateful for this fab holiday so can suck up some of the inconveniences of travel). Conversely I bet there was some stuff they really loved that you didn’t even think about. On holidays mine have loved the simplest things and often not enjoyed the big tourist attraction or thing they’re supposed to think best.

I haven't! I hate anything like that though wouldn't be buying either version.

You are correct that a certain amount is psychological. But not all.

DH doesn't think it's an issue

How many of the packed lunches is he making? How much if the milk-shopping?

By 8 years old I was making my owned packed lunch (mum bought the ingredients in). Things like that taught me independence and appreciation for when someone else did it.