What do you want / look for in a friend?

[BullysSpecialPrize123]

What attributes do you like them to have? What makes you want to keep them in your life? What interests you about them?

I've just been reading another thread where one poster said she only has friends who make her "feel good" but how do your friends make you feel good?

I've let a lot of long term friendships drift this year and it's been a strange few months. I'm interested to know what people's standards are friendship wise because to be honest I'm cutting off that many people at the minute I'm starting to think it's me and I'm the shit friend!

@UsingChangeofName I can see how that works with school friends, lifelong friendships.

But people who came along much later....haven't bothered to reply to messages for a year or whatever and you're not aware of anything being wrong...maybe it depends what's happened but I can't begin to describe the hellish time I've had recently.

Same happened with some people who never replied to messages and then popped up after dad died from a long (ish) illness....if they don't know what hell I've been through, I don't want to explain it. But I also don't want to go for a drink and act like nothing happened.

I don't want to discuss the hellishness, I'd just rather spend time with people who know about it.

It's become clear to me lately how many people see friendship as hard work, so I'll be very careful in future. I've also made a fool of myself saying "are you okay" to people who don't reply, and they are fine, just don't remember I exist.

Trustworthiness. Loyalty and kindness. Lack of competitiveness . Doesn’t bitch about others. Will put themselves out to help and support me but don’t use me as an emotional prop . Shared interests, a good sense of humour, reliability. Genuine interest in me as a person, someone who listens well and doesn’t try to make everything about themselves. Intelligence. A curiosity about life and others and an adventurous spirit.

I like people who are passionate about something. I also like them to be kind, compassionate & care about others. I like them to be generous of spirit, tolerant of differences and accept people who are not like them. I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I have are worth having😁

Warm but not too intense. Dark sense of humour. Doesn't have high communication needs (I am introverted and do not like constant messaging or texting) Wild side, up for adventures, but not someone who needs taking care of due to addiction issues/extreme emotional regulation issues. Very open. Not easily offended and not judgemental. Brave and open minded.
Someone who has their own full life and many hobbies and other friends so doesn't try to monopolise my time. Left wing. Likes films, art, books, music.. funny. Funny is very important.

Funny. Entertaining. Or just plain just good conversation ( doesn't talk about the kids all the time 🥱)

Lots of these replies are like a lonely heart column for a BFF.

I bet in reality most of the posters have lots of friends that fall well short of the idealised versions here. For a start, not every friend has to be funny. Or 100% to be trusted with secrets (just don’t tell them!). Or in touch a lot (what you aren’t going to see them because they didn’t call last week?)

Kindness (but not a pushover), someone who is open-minded and fair.
Sense of humour, some interests in common.
Honest and trustworthy.
Interested in things (I'm finding this hard to explain in an articulate way) - as in, they didn't just stop learning as soon as they left school/uni, but they by no means have to be an expert or staggering intellectual.
Good morals.

The bad morals types can make for really fun friends though.

Just thinking of a woman I know at a book group I go to. She is becoming a good friend. She’s really quirky. Someone you can’t pigeonhole because she’s a one off. She does so much. Walks Munros, cycles for miles, reads widely. Goes on lots of adventures . Interested in films. Has done lots of very varied jobs . Hugely interested in life and lives it to the full. Never says an unkind word. I find her endlessly entertaining and interesting .

I have another friend who has no hobbies and very limited interests. Very few friends. Talks about her adult kids endlessly. She is kind and caring but very dull. Dullness and insularity are quite off putting. The worst trait in a friend though is someone who gossips or is unkind about others. Because you know they’ll talk about you behind your back.

Most of the above posted have described it well. The person needs to want it, the friendship, as much as you do. Balance. No to being flakey. You need to have time, or be prepared to give it /allocate it time. I have a few deep friendships and they are important to me.

Sense of humour is really important to me and shared values. I also like someone who has time to txt and meet up occasionally.

I hate drama so anyone that brings that I normally phase out. I don't have slot of spare time so I like to spend it with those I enjoy easy company with.