I hate my life

[Mybatteryisoutofcharge]

I'm so low. I keep tearing up. I just feel so shit. I'll try and keep this short.

I'm 42. Always been single (bar a couple of v.short relationships).
No kids and can't have them.
Hate my job (am looking for a new one).
So lonely, live alone and always have (apart from flatmate when in 20s).
Been on anti depressants 3 times but don't want to go back on them as tablets don't change the loneliness which is the root cause.
I live in a rural place, no friends anywhere near. No true friends anywhere really - well one about an 8 hour flight away.
I work, I volunteer, I walk the dog, I watch TV. Repeat every week, every year. Everyone thinks loneliness is an an old person thing. It's really not. I've tried the limited number of activities/groups in my rural area but it didn't lead to friendships. I can't move (house wouldn't sell in current condition without losing money). I'm broke so can't throw money at the situation.

Every day is the same, every day sucks.

Yea there is just can’t remember the name of it

Then change it. No ties, you hate your job, just apply for something else in a new place, rent the house out and go! Everything feels impossible when you’re low but take the first action and you will realise it really isn’t. I changed career completely when I was 37, moved to London to train in a completely different area and my family thought I was mad. I just needed a change, new people, new place. You sound similar.

I think you should draw up a list and come up with possible solutions. There's always an alternative.

Personally, if it were me given how you've explained your situation I'd move, find a new job, explore new hobbies/ avenues for making friends or sell everything and go abroad for a while. Could you move in with parents if you did go away for a while and returned? Things will only change if you change them or something changes organically.

I was in a similar situation when I lost my husband immediately before covid. All my friends melted away. I have family, but I felt very strongly that I needed my own friendship group, not to mooch around my kids and their families. So, I found a group online. In my case it was Facebook, but it could have been meet-up or something else. I found a group of people, some of whom I wouldn’t have thought I’d be friends with. Not much like me, except lonely and wanting someone to go out with sometimes. Now, there are regular meet-ups every week - country walks followed by pub lunches, coffee in a local cafe, and occasionally someone organises a longer trip to a local town or beach or something. No pressure whatsoever to attend but there’s always someone there if you fancy getting out of the house. I go to maybe one or two meets a month, and that’s enough for me. You’d be surprised how many people feel the way you do. The key is to put yourself out there and find them, and not be too fussy. Don’t immediately assume someone who’s a different age, sex, life stage etc doesn’t have something to offer in terms of friendship. Good luck.

It sounds like you have so much to offer. Is there a sort of buddying service near you, where you help out with picking up shopping, getting prescriptions etc for housebound people? Loneliness is an absolute epidemic and it seems that at your young age you are in a position to help out those who may have very similar feelings but less ability to do anything about it.

My other suggestion is more of a big lifestyle change, but have you ever considered fostering? Not an easy path perhaps, but maybe something worth investigating?

Thanks everyone. I'm going to sign off for the night as I'm struggling not to get upset. I'll have a look at these suggestions tomorrow. Thanks again.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? You could also try WI or meet up app.

I sympathize with how you're feeling and understand and wanted to send a virtual hug. I'm also lonely at the moment and every day is a challenge... I really get how you're feeling. People make suggestions but it's not that easy to change things and when you're feeling this way new clubs and meet ups with strangers aren't really appealing. I don't have family nearby and friends have dwindled away recently... generally they are too busy with their lives to have time to meet in person it seems. And the occasional text message just isn't the same... I used to have a great social life in my 20s and early 30s and miss those days so much! I'm feeling for you OP xx

Thanks again all. I contacted my local WI this morning as a starting point. Still job hunting daily.

Might be a longshot but could you move in with your parents for a couple of years, and rent out your house to accumulate some extra funds?

Being rural is a big problem if you have no friends in the community. I’d move. I’d have to be in a city or large town where there’s lots going on. It’s so much easier to pop out & join groups, hobbies, sports etc. if you really can’t move, you’ll need to find peace with what you have.

I have also experienced incredibly lonely times so completely understand how you are feeling. I'm in the Midlands so I suspect I'm not near enough to suggest regular meet ups.

Contacting your local WI was a great idea, it's a fantastic way to make new friends.

Someone I know, only a little older than you and in the same situation, plucked up the courage to attend her nearest WI and absolutely loves it. Don't expect too much to start with, she found the first couple of months a little daunting but took her time to get to know the other women and over the space of a year made a couple of very close friends plus she has the wider group to do things with as well. As a pp said, don't judge by age etc, one of her particularly close friends is about 15 years older but they have a lot in common and thoroughly enjoy each others company. Like you, both have dogs and started to arrange joint walks and it grew from there. The wider WI group arrange a lot of get togethers/events and she attends almost everything. She actually said "without sounding dramatic, they saved my sanity".

Sending hugs, you have already made a step in the right direction xxx

On tic tok there is a lonely girls club ,and they all meet up in different areas .no one knows anyone at first .they meet for meals .
I'm sure it will come up if u type it in ,then you join in the next one

If you like outdoorsy things you could take a look at "love her wild". It is a women's adventure group and they have regional /area groups you can join. Not everything needs extreme fitness to do either. I've found my group a really friendly welcoming bunch!
https://www.loveherwild.com/

Hiking Buddies UK is a facebook group where people organise group walks and invite people to join them - the walks are all over the place so may be one near you? I think there are lots of solo walkers on there as they are running some Xmas day walks for people on their own. May be worth looking at?

Could you advertise for a dog walking social group on a notice board in your local shop or on a FB page for your area? Also, do you use the Nextdoor App?

How about trying to get a lodger for company and also gaining a bit of income for house maintenance?

What about nearby towns? Nowhere you could make a short journey to volunteer or join a hobby class? (I used to volunteer at the local/‘(ish) dog training classes. O

what about work colleague socials, anything there? Or old friends you can reconnect with?

I think a new job could bring the change you need & keep looking at clubs/courses even if it means travelling out a bit.

I really love my own company but I have friends to do stuff with occasionally too so I think strengthening or getting new friendships is the key for you. You’re still young too.

Can you rent your house out?

Wonder how are you now. I was typing on Google "I hate my life" and I found your post which is since last year. I read some replies and I wondered if people really read your post properly. In the same time I feel bad saying this because people used their time to say something. I don't know if you can get my post. I hope you are well.
How are you now?