I hate my life

[Mybatteryisoutofcharge]

I'm so low. I keep tearing up. I just feel so shit. I'll try and keep this short.

I'm 42. Always been single (bar a couple of v.short relationships).
No kids and can't have them.
Hate my job (am looking for a new one).
So lonely, live alone and always have (apart from flatmate when in 20s).
Been on anti depressants 3 times but don't want to go back on them as tablets don't change the loneliness which is the root cause.
I live in a rural place, no friends anywhere near. No true friends anywhere really - well one about an 8 hour flight away.
I work, I volunteer, I walk the dog, I watch TV. Repeat every week, every year. Everyone thinks loneliness is an an old person thing. It's really not. I've tried the limited number of activities/groups in my rural area but it didn't lead to friendships. I can't move (house wouldn't sell in current condition without losing money). I'm broke so can't throw money at the situation.

Every day is the same, every day sucks.

I am very similar to you. 40, single, homeowner, child-free but with a cat. But even more solitary, by choice, I WFH in "safe but enjoyable" job and mostly avoid socialising.

Life is not a stupid rom-com film so I don't think "sell your house and move abroad" is the key.

For me, I've found myself almost content by just being "resigned" (not unhappily) to the fact that this is my life now. And it puts me neither up nor down. I'm not going to meet anyone now and I'm not going to suddenly jack in my current safe job and set the world on fire.

I mostly read books and watch films and exist in my little bubble with my cat. That might sound sad to some people but I think it's enough for me. I've had a good go at life and this is my lot I think.

Good luck though OP if you want to try for more.

Do you think your parents would want you to sacrifice your life for theirs?

there are some helpful suggestions here but tbh I would start with some online therapy to help you work things through.

you can self refer through the NHS though it may take a while. You get 6 sessions free and your GP doesn’t have to know if you don’t want.

https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service/

it’s a very hard situation op. It can change but ma6 take a while to find the best route forward.

Today I've walked the dog twice, cleaned the house, made a Sunday lunch and watched TV.

Me too! But without a cat although I absolutely adore them.

I've completely and utterly stopped having relationships now and I've also realised this year I'm past the stage of trying to keep stale friendships going too. I go to work, am very grateful for my parents but mainly spend my weekends alone doing the quiet things I enjoy.

I've accepted this is my life and I'm mainly fine with it. I do wish I knew people like you and me in real life though. I only ever stumble across them on here!

I'm also not sure selling up and moving is right for you at the moment OP, sounds like you have enough to think about without throwing all that into the mix.

I'm not a big socialiser, I don't really enjoy it for the sake of it and I also work fully remotely so no office socialising. One thing that has worked for me is joining classes, where I can do something alongside other people, either in person or online. It just gives a bit of structure to my week other than work too. Is there anything you're interested in?

Aw I can understand I have very few friends but have my DH at time he really is a DH lol 😆 but walking groups are great. Our local community group on Facebook has a ladies group over 40s they go out socialising together meals etc maybe take a look on your local group. Where are you located? have you thought about taking up any classes to meet others. ? Hope you are ok x

@Mybatteryisoutofcharge you’ve done the same as me today and a good portion of the country I guess. I just did it with DH.42 is still young and plenty young to meet someone special.

Except I've not seen a single soul this week. It's not the same doing those things with a partner, I'm sorry but it's just not.

I'm sorry OP. I second the suggestion of online groups. Not the same as in person interactions but a great way to build some connections. Or how about an online course? Any book clubs near you or charities needing volunteers?

There's a few people on here in the same situation and around your age OP, why not let them know which county you are in (wouldn't out you), you might find a future friend living not so far away from you xx

Oh I know op , I didn’t mean to suggest it was . Sorry, that was clumsy of me. What I meant was , life is monotonous and routine at times but having someone to do it with makes the difference and you're young enough to try to meet someone. Are you actively trying?

No I'm not looking for a relationship. I've not been in a relationship for about 10 years so the thought fills me with dread tbh. It's friendships I miss.

Do you wfh? Do you not see work colleagues at all?

I think that most people are going to state the obvious and say that you clearly need to move.

If you won't consider it then unfortunately I don't think anyone is going to have any advice for you.

It's so incredibly clear that the one thing that will make a difference to your life is changing your rural lifestyle to one that offers more for you.

Clearly there is loads to consider but maybe just for tonight, say to yourself 'maybe'. And then tomorrow start thinking about how you could make it work.

I promise, if you decide to do it, there will be a way.

You could play it safe OP. You could stay where you are and carry on preparing for your retirement. Then before you know it, you will get to retirement age. Then you'll become elderly, and then you won't be here any more.

Or you could move, and give yourself a chance.

I'd rather not say county on here as I don't want to be outed but I'm happy for people to pm me if they're in a similar position. I'm in the North.

Yes I work from home

Ah I see. Hopefully your job search will lead to more social interactions. I do think the wfh trend is bad for these exact reasons.

I'm not sat preparing for retirement. However, I don't think it's wrong to protect my house as a way to make retirement manageable given that I won't have someone else's support.

Unfortunately things won't change unless you make changes.

Changes is the only way to happiness here.

Yes I agree

I'm happy to make changes. I just can't move.

I disagree. OP has elderly parents nearby. If a new job leads her to meet people, possibly friends, possibly connections to a partner/ hobbies etc then there’s no need to move.

What that friendship app?

I agree OP. Selling your house could well make your situation even worse. As the saying goes, you can still feel lonely in a crowded room. It’s not necessarily that where you are living is contributing towards the loneliness. You’re volunteering, which is great for meeting new people, and maybe if you push yourself to join a book club or walking group, that could open up your options with meeting new people. I think hitting your 40s can produce sadness in women if they’re alone, like having to accept that having children might be starting to look like it’s not going to be possible. Also with Christmas coming up, this can be a trigger too when you see families out and about. Try sitting down and listing a wish list for 2024 - things you want to do and places you want to see. Make 2024 your year when you are going to change things for the better.

Is there anything similar to online dating except a friendship site? You can't be the only one in this situation by what has already been posted on here.