As a ‘common law wife’ do I have any legal rights?

[Anon0mum]

my partner and I have been together 10 years and we have two children. My mother-in-law this past year has been battling with cancer (thankfully she seems to be making a good recovery)

Her recent battle has set off some anxieties for me. If either of our parents did pass ( I’m hoping it won’t be for a very very long time) and my partner/myself were in a situation where we aren’t able to make choices for ourselves, ( ie decisions about medical care)

Would choices fall on the respective partner, or would they fall on our sons? My biggest anxiety is that they will be having to make big decisions about their mum/ Dad,. It’s not something I want them to have to think about or question their decisions later.

Is this something where myself/ partner can take over and legally make this decisions for each other or Is it worth my partner and myself getting a document written up that gives each other permission legally to make those decisions, in the absence of our parents.

Thanks

Being a de facto is law, has definitions and you can opt out.

No less sensible than people like the poster who thinks common law still exists.

OP I think it's obvious where you stand.

"People with children who don't have wills are off their rocker IMO."
Agreed. That's nothing to do with marriage, though.

There’s an awful lot of misconceptions around next of kin, medical decisions and financial decisions in the UK.

You don’t need to be married to be next of kin. You should record it somewhere like have him as your NOK on your GP records and carry a card with his details as NOK but you could essentially nominate your neighbour as NOK if you wanted. It isn’t automatically your closest blood or legal relative.

Medical and financial decisions require a LPA anyway even if you are married. The bank wouldn’t let you access his bank accounts if he was in a coma if you were married; you’d need a financial LPA for that.

Essentially OP, if you were in hospital they would consult with your partner if you tell them he’s next of kin. The doctors would talk to him.

It's not just his decision to make. It really is a practical matter, you are not some 25 year old holding out for a big romantic gesture. It is a contract between two adults . Now with everyone asking is the perfect time. Say, let's just do it simple immediate family only meal in nice restaurant and lots of legal issues sorted.

Get married
Get a will written

Civil partnerships are the same as marriage for almost all purposes in the Uk but you should think carefully about this choice if you might be moving abroad at any point because it's not always predictable how it will be interpreted overseas.

HMRC/DWP act like "common law" marriage is a thing. Otherwise, why do they expect two adults who just happen to be living together to merge finances?

I don’t think they do do they? And that’s not they think common law is a thing even if they did. But hmrc have never told me they expect me to merge finances. They ask about set up, sure, but they certainly have never told me this is an expectation.

Idea of a common law wife- This was something that my mum mentioned to me. I’m going to guess that when she was with my dad, this was still a thing but I wasn’t 100% sure if it still was. I have now learnt that I was right and it doesn’t exist

is she in Scotland, it was a thing nearly two decades ago, since been abolished, hasn’t been a thing any where else since the mid 1700s. But it is a common myth for some reason. It’s kind of bonkers if you think about it.

Single mum claiming child benefit, moves in with partner who earns over the limit (kids aren't his), he has to pay the child benefit back. (Which he didn't claim, and kids aren't his.) That's not HMRC seeing them as two completely separate adults.

One of my family members died suddenly recently aged 59, he was with his partner over 35 years but they never married and he never got round to finishing his will. She also thought that common law was still a thing and that she would be fine. Obviously she was wrong and everything has gone to his daughter including his massive private pension, his cars, all his valuable belongings etc. The coroner would only speak to the daughter as she was NOK so she has had to deal with everything

It has really shown to me the importance of either being married or having a very clear will

Yes, that was one of the many flaws of the policy.

Benefits are calculated on a household basis

But taxation is of the individual (a hard won feminist principle)

And they should never have been put together like that

(It's a crap policy in other ways, as some of the households who have to repay have a lower income than some that don't. I'd have kept it universal and simply frozen the cash amount, so it quietly withered in value over time; and put the resources that would otherwise have gone in to annual rises into means tested payments to families instead)

I'd been seperated from my husband for years when he had a serious accident and was in a coma. Even though he was living with a new partner who was pregnant at the time, his partner wasn't allowed to sign forms relating to treatment petmissions etc. As we were still legally married at that time, I was his next of kin and had to discuss and sign everything.

Aside from that I dont understand why couples in LTR will put upon themselves a whole load of paperwork to sort out and deal with, yet still say marriage is 'just a piece of paper' - as if all that other paperwork isn't? If you want marital rights then get married. If you don't want to marry then dont expect marital rights as that wont happen unless and until the law changes, which is doubtful

It did exist in some places and still does in some, including some US states.

Scotland had something similar.

A lot of people don't realise it doesn't exist and that marriages that take place in places not registered don't count and don't give you many rights.

Adults do not make medical decisions for other adults. Doctors do. Why on earth would they let someone unqualified do it?

Not always true. When my mum was nearing the end of her life my dad was asked about resuscitation, it was his decision.

Drs and family do not always agree, hence the hugely publicised court cases.

I’d strongly recommend everyone reading this about next of kin, and who makes medical decisions.

https://www.patients-association.org.uk/next-of-kin#:~:text=A%20medical%20next%20of%20kin,if%20you%20lose%20mental%20capacity.

I have 100% faith that my partner would give our children anything and everything in the situation I should pass away suddenly.

Strange to have 100% faith in this, but only being on 'assuming' terms about whether he wants to get married. Fearing putting pressure on a DP you've been with 10 years and had 2 kids with is boggling to me. But anyway. However long you've been together and think you know him, there's ample evidence on here every day that partners can be completely unpredictable and let down women who thought they had 100% faith. The only way to be sure is to get it sorted and make it all legal.

I also find it strange. To think he won’t move on, marry someone. He will simply make sure his kids inherit. That’s an assumption few would make.

Precisely. The ‘piece of paper’ is actually very important!

In the UK, no one else can consent to treatment on another's behalf unless there is a lasting power of attorney, married or not.

You have no legal rights without being married.

Not quite true, sadly, in that I've known women where the man leaving has then claimed rights over her house, unmarried. But it's a grey area. Moving men in, marrying them, it's all risky if you're a high earning, house owning, woman.

You don’t have to tell anyone, you know. When we decided to get married after many years together ( mainly because of the very advantageous inheritance tax position) we didn’t tell anyone except our two witnesses for years.

If DP doesn’t like a fuss, it can be your secret! But do consider that a drunk driver could kill either of you tomorrow, and then the estate would be penalised compared to being married/ civil partnership. Even if you don’t own a house, this could be worth considering.

That's not true.

I have had various family members who were executors of wills of people that weren't their spouses who managed to stop phone contracts, sort out bank accounts, etc.

Point is a will existed.

Which the OP doesn’t seem to have…
My friend had a will and was a spouse. And still had issues.
You can go round and round in circles on the phone with them while crying and they don’t care.