As a ‘common law wife’ do I have any legal rights?

[Anon0mum]

my partner and I have been together 10 years and we have two children. My mother-in-law this past year has been battling with cancer (thankfully she seems to be making a good recovery)

Her recent battle has set off some anxieties for me. If either of our parents did pass ( I’m hoping it won’t be for a very very long time) and my partner/myself were in a situation where we aren’t able to make choices for ourselves, ( ie decisions about medical care)

Would choices fall on the respective partner, or would they fall on our sons? My biggest anxiety is that they will be having to make big decisions about their mum/ Dad,. It’s not something I want them to have to think about or question their decisions later.

Is this something where myself/ partner can take over and legally make this decisions for each other or Is it worth my partner and myself getting a document written up that gives each other permission legally to make those decisions, in the absence of our parents.

Thanks

If you are not married you are not each other's next of kin. Your children are your next of kin and will make medical decisions unless you get legal paperwork done that says otherwise.

You really need the Lasting Power of Attorneys for Health and Welfare for your health needs and the Property and Finance one for money, etc.

Gov.uk and not very expensive when you are well and have capacity. It is very, very costly to not have one if you need it after you can't give consent. It's not just for old people.

It's the one thing I've not sorted and I really should!

@CurlyhairedAssassin some people have a big problem with the patriarchal baggage of the concept of marriage and see a Civil Partnership as a way to make the legal recognition of the relationship be more egalitarian. When Civil Partnerships were first introduced they were only for gay couples and there was a big campaign to make them equally accessible to all
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/oct/02/civil-partnerships-to-be-opened-to-heterosexual-couples

definitely watch martin lewis show from last week-he was discussiong lpas wills and the benefit of being married

Just to reassure you, hospitals do not ask for evidence of being next of kin. Neither my partner or I have ever been asked for evidence of our relationship when we've been in hospital. I signed something before he had emergency surgery. They were happy for us to visit each other when visiting hours were only for family. They will be sensible.

However, it would be easier to be married or civilly partnered, and if that's something you can't talk to your partner about that's a concern. You do need wills, POA, life insurance etc, and getting all that drawn up is more expensive than getting married. Very much worth it though. There are eleventy billion threads on this on Mumsnet.

Thank you for the reassurance.

It is a conversation that will have with my partner. We celebrated our 10 year last week and I know that when we go back into work this week, we are both going to be flooded with questions and comments about engagements/ marriage, so I just feel that now’s not the best time. Like I mentioned before I don’t want it to feel as though I’m also putting added pressure on him.
I will however be having a conversation with him in the new year once that all dies down a little bit xx

I think that may depend on the hospital as my friend and her partner got married as the hospital were keeping her out of discussions relating to his cancer treatment, especially post surgery

Yes they could have got a POA but they had always intended to get married anyway, this just helped make the decision to bring it forward

It’s not that I can’t bring it up to him, full stop. It’s that I don’t feel now is the right time. I mentioned in another reply that we are bombarded constantly with comments about when we are going to get married/ engaged.
We celebrated our 10 year last week and I know that the next few weeks are going to be continuous question to both him and me about when we are getting married. I don’t want to also pile on the pressure as well.

This is a conversation I will have with him in the very near future once the persistent questions have died down. Not just for this legal reason but because I would also like to know where I stand.

No, there's no such thing.

You need to actually get married to legally be husband and wife.

When my sister had a massive stroke, her DP was consulted at every stage by the medics. they didn't ask ‘are you married?’ In reality this is what would happen.

You still need to make your will and sort power of attorney even if married.

This 👆

I know many people this has happened to. I would say it’s more common than not that men remarry quickly after death or divorce and leave everything to their second wife instead of their children.

Just to reassure you, hospitals do not ask for evidence of being next of kin. Neither my partner or I have ever been asked for evidence of our relationship when we've been in hospital. I signed something before he had emergency surgery. They were happy for us to visit each other when visiting hours were only for family. They will be sensible.

That's very true. Hospitals just get on with it. Gets real dicey though if a next of kin does show up though. In my line of work we have people we care for and a nephew NOK banned the person's long term partner (together since the 80's) from getting in or even calling the patient because the nephew didn't like her. The patient wanted his partner and had no reason to be estranged. The nephew had managed to get power of attorney rights somehow when the partner had been abroad looking after her mum.

I'm sure you know best in terms of when to bring things up with your partner, but to me this would seem an ideal opportunity! If it's already being talked about, then you can just say "Well, what do you say? What do you think about getting married?". It seems more awkward to quietly endure a flurry of questions without talking to each other about it, only to reopen the topic in the new year. Won't it feel like it's hanging over you? Good luck anyway.

When my friends husband died she even had a few issues getting his phone contract stopped. If she hadn’t been married it would have been a nightmare. Companies just wont speak to anyone if they’re not a spouse .
Marriage also affects inheritance tax, pensions and various other things.
Also accessing money you both own if someone is ill or passes away.
I wouldn’t see it as putting pressure on him. You havent recently met.

As PP said: There is no official / legal definition of NoK.

Big Myth.

However:

Everyone, married or not, should have a will and Power of Attorney set up.

Your pension is not considered as part of your estate for Will purposes. Make sure you have named who you want as beneficiaries of your pension.

A pension is added to the total pot to be divided if you marry and divorce.

How do you own your house? If it is as ‘joint tenants’ if / when either of you die the property automatically reverts to the survivor. If as Tenants in Common you each own specific shares which you can leave as you wish in your will, e.g direct to children.

If you both earn the same or you earn more, have equal stakes in the property there won’t necessarily be any advantages in marriage.

Get married if you want but get power of attorney and will sorted ASAP. God forbid something happens to 1 or both of you but having the legal right to made decisions, access money will made a difference to a potentially difficult situation.
Our will laid out who our son was to live with ,who would manage the money .life insurance house would have been paid off , work place pensions etc

I know this is a UK centric site, but v different situation in Australia, different states have different rules but they use the term de facto rather than common law & in very general terms after 2 yrs- or can be less with kids, it's similar to being married in law.

No rights

Get married

There's never been protection for "common law" wives in English and Welsh law ever, it's not something that's changed but people's general knowledge of the law has and so women know more now then they did in previous generations about rights and entitlements.

Just as well we’re more sensible. Who wants to discover they’re married by mistake? It should be a conscious decision.

So much misinformation on this thread.

Adults do not make medical decisions for other adults. Doctors do. Why on earth would they let someone unqualified do it?

Source:

My partner was in ICU. When he couldn't make decisions, doctors did. We got married on ICU, it gave me no additional powers.

I've literally lived both sides. Doctors treated me identically before and after our wedding.

Marriage doesn't give you any medical rights if you lose capacity, unless you're talking about the mental health act, and that specifically. And yes, living together for a long time gives you the exact same rights in the mental health act.

What you want is a lasting power of attorney for health and welfare.

Only get married of you want to, and if you're the lower earner. Otherwise, why would you?

@N0TMYIDEA my step dad didn't even remarry and new partner didn't live with him either.

He still left her what was essentially my mums half of the house and left his half to his nieces.

People with children who don't have wills are off their rocker IMO.