As a ‘common law wife’ do I have any legal rights?

[Anon0mum]

my partner and I have been together 10 years and we have two children. My mother-in-law this past year has been battling with cancer (thankfully she seems to be making a good recovery)

Her recent battle has set off some anxieties for me. If either of our parents did pass ( I’m hoping it won’t be for a very very long time) and my partner/myself were in a situation where we aren’t able to make choices for ourselves, ( ie decisions about medical care)

Would choices fall on the respective partner, or would they fall on our sons? My biggest anxiety is that they will be having to make big decisions about their mum/ Dad,. It’s not something I want them to have to think about or question their decisions later.

Is this something where myself/ partner can take over and legally make this decisions for each other or Is it worth my partner and myself getting a document written up that gives each other permission legally to make those decisions, in the absence of our parents.

Thanks

Absolutely this! 💯

Not sure why anyone still believes the "common law wife" myth... More education and awareness is needed.

Why would anyone bother with a civil partnership these days? Civil partnerships only came to be as a way for same sex couples to formalise their relationship because they couldn't at that time get legally married. Clearly many same sex couples were not happy with that, and viewed it as a "lesser" arrangement, hence the law changing to allow same sex marriages. Times have changed and there simply is no need to view a marriage as "patriarchal" anymore. Marriage, however, does confer a lot of legal rights and is as straightforward and cheap a procedure as you want it to be.

I always wonder what civil partners refer to their other half as. Do they actually use the word "civil"? Because partner could mean anything. People could take it to mean just someone you've been living with for a few years, as in OP's case, rather than the serious legal relationship that you're in.

Next of kin has no right to make medical decisions for someone who has lost capacity to do so. Being married makes no difference.

You need power of attorney for that ( think it's called something different if you are in England- lasting power of attorney?).

The Labour Party's policy, announced recently at this year's party conference, is to give women who live with their partners the same rights, including over property, as married women, should the relationship end.

It's all over the legal and political news sites and blogs.

Men weren't mentioned, but no policy could be applied only to female cohabiting partners - that would contravene the Equality Act

@Chersfrozenface I know, what a terrible idea, open to abuse of the elderly/vulnerable too. It’s up to adults to engage their brains and plan their lives, sign legal documents if you want specific things.

Yes - get yourselves set up with lasting powers of attorney. You can each do 2 - one for health and welfare decisions and one for finances. You have to fill in the forms, get them witnessed and sent off and pay a fee

Although getting married negates a will. You still need to draw up wills, as spouses do not automatically inherit everything from each other.

Standard disclaimer, I am not a lawyer, but the situation you are describing here is a bit more complicated than just not being married.

When two people own a property jointly there are two ways that can be set up in English law, and I think there is a similar arrangement in Scotland.

1. They can be described as joint tenants. This means that when owner A dies owner B inherits the whole property automatically.
2. They can be tenants in common and in this case each owns a share separately, e.g. two people each own 50% or one owns 60%, and the other one owns 40%. In this case when owner A dies her/his share is passed on according to either a will or the intestacy laws. Owner B holds on to her/his share but as your mother found that might mean buying out whoever now owns the other share.

Lots of people who have children from a previous relationship would not want their house and any other assets to go their partner when they die, they'd want it to go their children. This is one key reason why marriage/civil partnership is not for everybody.

No you don’t, but you no longer have to get married to get the rights you refer to as most PPs seem to think. You could consider a civil partnership instead.

You can also deal with assets separately but that requires more planning and to think about everything (house, car, pensions, savings, living will, will etc).

I would chose a civil partnership if I wanted something formal. It’s got less connotations that marriage, and more accurately reflects our situation. I was pleased that a couple pursued the right for non same-sex couples to have access to it.

I've never understood why it was necessary to have civil partnerships. Marriage doesn't need to involve anything more than going to the register office and effectively filling in the forms. No religion, no patriarchy, no wedding reception required. What does a CP add that a simple register office wedding doesn't already provide?

Marriage or a civil partnership IS the legal contract. Strip away the dresses and flowers and cars and bridesmaids and churches and receptions and favours and castles and rings and honeymoons and that’s what you’re left with - a legally binding contract that confers you the rights and responsibilities of a legal partnership in the eyes of the law.

I am my partner's NOK. We are not married

The NHS is required by law to follow a signed Living Will expressing your wishes (which is free to do, unlike a PoA ) info here
https://compassionindying.org.uk/
in which you can also name those you would like them to discuss your care with.

There may not be any such thing as a common law wife, but that's not really what you were asking.

I am a doctor, we would absolutely listen to the opinion of the person you've been living with as partners for the last 10 years!

As long as your children didn't say anything to the contrary, we would treat you as if you were husband and wife.

Those suggesting medics would ignore your partners opinion in these circumstances are talking nonsense

If you want to be absolutely sure get mirror power of attorneys for health and welfare. Then there's absolutely no question (although it would mean only the attorney would have the final say)

If you don't want be a "wife" or "get married" get a civil partnership- exactly the same rights in law.

As others have said, just get bloody married

I would strongly recommend people consider a POA, even if married.

We were in the unfortunate position that my mother had a neurological condition which ultimately resulted in loss of capacity for decision making. Her husband (my father) and I knew her medical wishes re what treatment she did/didnt want from detailed conversations prior to her health decline. However this didn’t always fit with what the Drs/hospital ‘recommended.’ Without the POA we would have had a battle on our hands several times. We ended up discharging early from hospital once as the care set up at home was more suitable for her needs, and the Drs were refusing to permit it, but had to due to our POA. The same with agreeing DNR, it was all much easier as regardless of their opinion we could ensure we followed my mother’s wishes.

This could be applicable for anyone, for example in a coma after an accident - if the Drs opinion differs to your next of kin, they don’t automatically have to listen to you, if they feel what you are saying is not in their best interest - even if you know what the person would/wouldn’t want.

a civil partnership is easy enough to sort at your local register office and gives you ma
ny benefits, IH tax etc, rights and would make life easier for your anxiety protective. Also get a will each, for each other and your dc

This is what I would hope would happen in the UK. Would it be guaranteed if someone fell ill in an overseas country, though?

Also, I have many times seen anecdotes about an unmarried partner dying and their family taking over the funeral arrangements, throwing the bereaved partner out of the shared home, taking all the assets etc. Not something any decent person would do, I would hope, but unfortunately not everybody is decent and in some cases it might be motivated by homophobia or religious bigotry.

Even though we are married DH and I still have LPAs in place for just this circumstance, DS (24) is also an attorney.

Doctors aren't very receptive to input from relatives, as we recently discovered to our cost when MIL was very ill.

In the uk, no one can consent for another adult, whether married, their parent, adult child etc. Next of kin will usually be involved in medical discussions and you can name anyone you want as your next of kin. You can set up your partner as power of attorney for your health and welfare if you wish.

Your son's would be both your next of kin not each other. No marriage license no rights. I actually know a person, a friend of my sisters who was not married to her partner of 7 years with a DC together of 4. He died in a car accident and his parents got to arrange the funeral not his partner. The partner wanted a cremation but his parents wanted a burial and they were his next of kin and got to decide.

Common law has no legal rights.

Next of kin has no legal rights.

You need to get power of attorney agreements in place and registered.

www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney