Has anyone taken a real dislike to you for no apparent reason?

[Beautifulwintermornings]

I had a manager at work who seemed to really dislike me. I'll never know why. I always worked my arse off and I never said a cross word to anyone. I was quite new to the role although not to the organisation. And if anything I was probably overly compliant.

She'd completely blank me. On a Monday or after annual leave she'd go around asking everyone how their weekend/holidays were but blank me.

She tried to blame me for things I hadn't done a few times. She once rather aggressively asked me why I'd signed for something that I shouldn't have, confronting me with the paperwork. When I calmly told her that it wasn't my signature and I didn't know whose it was she huffed and puffed, no apology.

She gave others credit for work I'd done.

She was going through the office once with a drink and she looked as though she was going to spill it. I very kindly said something about being careful not to scold herself and she said she'd like to pour it over me. I just sort of half laughed thinking she must be joking but actually it was completely inappropriate.

To this day I'd like to know what her problem was with me.

Yes - many years ago a woman in my dept took a massive dislike to me. She would make really snarky comments and would be quite aggressive in response to anything I said. The only thing I could think it might possibly be was that we’d both grown up in the same city hundreds of miles away - I lived in the ‘nice’ bit and she came from a not so nice bit. A couple of times she brought that into the conversation in a really patronising way - I was like wtf, neither of us could help where our parents lived! It was bizarre. Still no idea if that was the reason though.

I sometimes have a problem if a new person looks like someone I know who hurt me or behaved poorly. I tell myself off for it and try desperately not to let it show.

I read a comment on one of the autism threads about how you meet new people, they look at you, they pick up on something and you can see the shutters going down.

My old mangers
One had been at the top of the tree for years and the other would tred on whoever got in her way-I've seen her pull some horrid stunts to futher herself
First left-sexual harassment to young girls and the other took his spot
The day I started,they looked me up and down and he decided he hated me-she was up his arse and followed him
I've never done a thing to either of them,but I have an ability to spot a narc at ten paces and they both know it
They are both nasty,rude,lazy,self centred,massive egoed and will walk miles to avoid me if they can

Suits me just fine

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale, a woman who very likely had an affair with XH2 and was generally hostile to me has a certain 'type' of face - similar to Meg Ryan. I realised I automatically distrusted women with that look, so made a big effort to overcome it. Befriended another Meg Ryan type; she turned out to be a complete barmpot who seriously shafted many of my other friends and was last seen being arrested for fraud!

I'm adult enough to realise there is no visually recognisable 'dishonest woman' gene but, having been bitten twice, I'm afraid I now steer clear of Meg Ryans 😬

I've had the absolute same. I work in change and I know that's part of the reason but to be blanked by a grown woman I find quite often laughable.
I try to be the bigger person but it's wasted on some people. Hope you find some peace with it OP x

Once. I joined a company and was showed to my desk.

I turned to introduce myself to the woman at the next desk. 'She said "I'm xname and I don't like people". Then she turned her back on me and refused to speak to me. She started a campaign of briefing and lying against me.

I didn't stay long. Places like that aren't worth the bother.

God don’t do that, it’s about her not you.

Just ignore and avoid when possible. There’s nothing you can do about it.

Yes. My old work. It was a small group of people. Not sure what happened. Maybe because I became quite close with the manager and was somewhat decent at my job and they didn't like it? To be honest they made me life an absolute living hell without really doing much. A few snarky comments here and there but it was the isolation that really hurt me.

It was mostly the main girl everyone loved. But I saw right through her. I kept myself to myself and had a few close work colleagues who I still speak to.

I ended up in therapy for other reasons and thankfully it really changed my life and a few months later I got offered a job with another company and it was the best decision I made.

I look back and it was a really dark time. But thankfully moved past it now.

Yes, but it happens a lot so I end up worrying if I am just a shit person and that most people pick up on it.

I think people are confused by what jealousy means. Feeling threatened by someone isn't always motivated by jealousy. It may be that they don't trust you or you remind them of someone or something you did or said once unknowingly. Jealousy is really not likely. It is quite possible to dislike people without feeling jealous.

i think you’re thinking about this the wrong way OP.

There is a reason she didn’t like you…. But it wasn’t anything to do with you.

You didn’t do anything but maybe you triggered something in her, perhaps she was jealous of something about you, or maybe she was just a really unhappy person and she found a vulnerability in you she could exploit.

YOU didn’t cause her to be horrible to you. You didn’t do anything.

Yes, I’ve had this a few times. One guy in a team where I was new who just instantly made it clear he disliked me before I’d said two words to him. I worked out pretty quickly that he was an insecure little prick who was massively threatened by me.

Another one was much stranger, though, and I never did work it out. A woman in another department to me at an old job, who I had never worked with directly and honestly never spoken to or about or ever given any thought. Our paths just didn’t cross. She told numerous colleagues that she couldn’t stand me. She wouldn’t go to the pub after work if I was going. She never explained why she disliked me so much and everyone else was as miffed as I was. I racked my brains thinking of what I could have done to upset her but there was honestly nothing?! I couldn’t be arsed to feed the drama by asking her abd so I never did find out, despite working there for five years.

She didn’t come to my leaving do 😂.

My history teacher at school seemed to really dislike me. If I made a mistake, he would take it personally and rant at me about whether I thought I knew better than him! In my AS-Levels, I got an A (before A* existed) and he told me in front of the whole class that I shouldn't be smug about my grade because it was the low end and he was going to make me do a resit (I refused). One of my proudest moments though was when he decided to take me down a peg or two during a class quiz and loudly asked me an obscure question from a topic we'd done a year ago. Unfortunately for him, I'd started revising for exams very early and answered him correctly straight away. He was, reluctantly, impressed.

Weirdly, after I finished my A-levels and got my results, I got a "Congratulations on your exam results" card signed with just initials (T.J). I'm nearly 100% sure it was from him but can't work out why he would have done that, unless he felt remorseful.

The only thing that I can think about why he would dislike me so much is that he thought I was fake. I did well in exams and coursework but I wasn't confident at all. I wasn't the kind of student who took one look at a textbook and knew it all, I had to really work hard to understand things and revise. I wonder if he thought the lack of confidence and self-doubt was an act and just a way to fish for compliments.

One man in our wider friendship group didn't like me, I overheard him once saying 'I just don't get what anyone sees in her'! He always used to scowl or look away if I spoke. No idea why, it's fine not to be someone's type but he seemed to actively dislike me.

Every now and again it happens, I don't care so much these days and at work I'm sure quite a lot of people aren't keen on me (some are) but it's not a situation in which you seek to be liked.

Yes. My Nursing Officer when I was a ward sister. She was an absolute two-faced bitch. Basically she was big and unattractive and I was petite and pretty. She hated me from the word go.

Ha yes my female boss when I was a trainee. I had been warned she was a nightmare so I didn’t take it personally. She was obviously jealous as hell. She was so mean to me (she used to eyeroll when I spoke etc) the senior partners noticed and used to check in that I was ok. I sat next to her husband at a work event. He was really nice got drunk and slagged her off. I felt quite sorry for her in the end.

A very long time ago my old boss told me “don’t take it personally” and “ what people think of/say about you is non of your business”. I found that his words of wisdom stopped me from trying too hard or making myself feel a fool.

If people don’t like me that’s their problem not mine. If I don’t like someone it’s my decision, I no longer want to waste my time chasing a relationship that is unlikely to be a pleasant one.

So many people miss out because they don’t take time to get to know someone or as others have said use irrational reasons to judge someone. I will try but if you get the brush off, is it worth wasting time on it?

We have a trainee at work who is constantly explaining things to me and basically treating me like I have no idea. I’m the ex owner of the business and have worked as an HCP for 35+ years. I did find it irritating at first, but now I just nod and agree. My nurse thinks it’s hysterical and we have a good laugh. She doesn’t know that I was the boss, it’s not her fault and I’m too kind to be snappy with her. I was a little stand off-ish with her at first then just accepted that, to her, I’m just another employee.

I think there must be something a bit toxic about me because this has happened a few times as an adult and as a child I was disliked and excluded a lot, bullied quite badly. Something about me makes me an easy target. Bizarrely enough though, I'm the one who gets strangers telling me their life stories/conspiracy theories/ranting about the government/their problems if I'm on public transport.

A therapist told me this can be due to all sorts of random factors - in the example she gave, someone was victimised because she looked a bit like the bully's mother!

Yes. I’ve done it myself - although hopefully my feelings didn’t show. I met a person who strongly reminded me of a cousin who isn’t a nice person. My first impulse was dislike of this person I’d never met before. But I recognised pretty quickly that was unfair of me. And as it turns out the person’s nature was nothing like my cousin. Although they did sound and look enough alike to be a possible relative of my cousin. For all I know, they could be.

Having said that, if you meet someone that in anyway makes you feel uneasy go with your gut. Sometimes we ignore intuitive feelings of danger that we should be heeding.

This could have been me typing this!

-As a child, totally bullied. Usually the most popular child in the class took an active dislike towards me, and then everyone else did too of course. Middle school and high school.
-A couple of teachers
-Women at church (but not men). In particular one young woman my age (we were late twenties) so obviously actively disliked me, but had to interact with me because of the volunteer position she held. And me smiling and being nice made it worse. We had to spend time together and she wouldn't look at me. It was the first major time it happened as an adult and I was so confused.
-Have since had many similar experiences. Women who won't talk to me or look at me, or smile. Totally weird. I was going through such a hard time and had so little self esteem that it seemed like cruel irony if it was jealousy or something.
-SIL is the same. Has some kind of problem with me. It creates a weird dynamic when someone has to be nice to you to keep up appearances, but they actively dislike you. She succeeded in turning other people against me for a while too. I never had a problem with her; just minding my own business.

At the same time, if I'm in a public space or on public transport, if someone vaguely knows me (and often when they don't) I will be their therapist for a short time. Instant trust.

Having said all of that, it seems to happen less often now than it did. I did start a job recently where the manager clearly didn't like me so I left. I'm just not willing to tolerate it anymore. So maybe that's it. I might not be noticing it as much, or it might be apparent that I'm no longer a push over or whatever. There have been plenty of people that have liked me.

It stays with you though - when it's happened many times. I'm so glad it's more infrequent now.

what people think of/say about you is non of your business”.

Yes@Angrymum22 there is a saying that ‘what someone thinks of me is none of my business’ I try to live by that. Also, ‘what you think about someone else says nothing about them, but a lot about yourself’ When we define other people what we really are doing is defining ourselves.

@SurvivorsInc it sounds like you are a sensitive person, not a ‘toxic’ one. It may be that you sense small irritations displayed by other people that many people wouldn’t notice, and also, strangers who confide in you probably sense you will be sensitive towards them. I’m betting you don’t grunt at them and stick your head in a book.

Whoops , I missed the part about you being bullied: That is not on you, that is someone being horrible to you because they have problems. It’s on them. Bullies often see sensitivity and kindness as weakness.

I've been the other party- the person with the irrational dislike. It's usually minor annoyances that combine. Usually everything starts totally fine and it's.all the minor annoyances- multiple parts of their personality that aren't really a problem but when you're spending 8+ hours a day together, exacerbate. I become short and even passive aggressive. It happened a couple of times. It never blew up into anything it was just clear that we didn't like each other.

I haven't had it happen since my 20s, when I learnt to have a bit more empathy, self control and invest less into workplace relationships. And I feel for the people who I was cold to, because they didn't deserve it.

millies cookies have a restraining order against me. I am not allowed within 500 yards within their premises. apparently licking the cookies on display is a "crime" now. bonkers!

Yes I am autistic.

I was bullied at school for being weird

I've had numerous work colleagues dislike me and also school mums. I'm not sure if they sense a difference or if my social skills aren't to their standards but yes often disliked.

Yes! In my first graduate job as a trainee solicitor. There was an associate who I did a little bit of work for in my first placement. She was initially lovely then a couple of weeks in just switched. Glaring at me, blanking me when I said good morning, pointedly turning her back on me. I have no idea why and it went on for the entire six months I was in that placement - massively dented my confidence and as she was in the office next door very hard to avoid or ignore.

Weirdly, when I qualified I moved to a client company as an in-house lawyer and she got a secondment there shortly after. I was dreading it and worried that she'd fuck up the start of another new job for me. But she was all sweetness and light, friendly chat, added me on FB etc. I can only assume she either got over whatever her issue is (I still wonder if someone told her I said something negative about her, or what the issue was as it was so sudden) or, probably more likely, recognised that I was well liked and respected in the company and she no longer had a position of power 🙄