Has anyone taken a real dislike to you for no apparent reason?

[Beautifulwintermornings]

I had a manager at work who seemed to really dislike me. I'll never know why. I always worked my arse off and I never said a cross word to anyone. I was quite new to the role although not to the organisation. And if anything I was probably overly compliant.

She'd completely blank me. On a Monday or after annual leave she'd go around asking everyone how their weekend/holidays were but blank me.

She tried to blame me for things I hadn't done a few times. She once rather aggressively asked me why I'd signed for something that I shouldn't have, confronting me with the paperwork. When I calmly told her that it wasn't my signature and I didn't know whose it was she huffed and puffed, no apology.

She gave others credit for work I'd done.

She was going through the office once with a drink and she looked as though she was going to spill it. I very kindly said something about being careful not to scold herself and she said she'd like to pour it over me. I just sort of half laughed thinking she must be joking but actually it was completely inappropriate.

To this day I'd like to know what her problem was with me.

Haven’t you ever met someone you just can’t stand? It’s only happened to me twice, a therapist friend told me there’s often a characteristic about the person that you also have, but dislike about yourself.

100% this.

She felt inadequate in some way. You were probably better at the job, or more attractive, or had a bigger house - or some other stupid reason.

Appearances are often deceiving.

Someone in a previous job was like this. Several people let me know she targeted the newest person into my department and was vile, had reduced people to tears before. I made a formal complaint and she was sent along to my office to discuss it with me. She told me it was all about me, and she had never had that problem with anyone before - I told her we both knew that was not true and she needed to stop immediately as I would not put up with her nonsense. It never happened again.

I have this all the time, and have always really struggled with it.

It’s always women who are like it with me. Male colleagues have told me the other women are jealous of me, which I usually refuse to accept for a long time, as I always thinks it makes me sound big headed, but I always reluctantly do, as there’s nothing else I can ever attribute it to.

Not as an adult. But there was a teacher at school who just seemed to really take against me. To the extent where I think she was talked to about it in the end because another teacher overheard me telling my friend something the teacher had said, and this other teacher was shocked and said 'that's not right'
I moved schools halfway thru my gcses and this teacher who hated me was my English teacher in the first gcse year. In the second year at the new school I rubbed out all the old teachers marking (she had marked them all in pencil thank god) on my essays and remanded them in. I went up from C grades to A grades. Really confirming to me that this old teacher had it on for me.
I have the vague idea she thought I was posh and also moody, and that being moody when you are posh is some kind of insult because who could be unhappy if their family is middle class??
I'm not entirely sure what it was...
But it does boggle my mind that it seems to be quite common that teachers take against some children. Why become a teacher if you are going to do that?
I'm not a teacher but I work in social care with vulnerable teens many of whom display extremely testing behaviour... and of course deep down there are some I find easier or feel naturally closer to than others... but I absolutely make sure I treat every single young person fairly and with patience and warmth. Regardless of my personal feelings.

I'm really lucky that all staff at my workplace are beyond lovely. There's not one person I don't get on with.
Apparently tho, the lady whose job I filled when I started was that person. Apparently she had a tendency to bully, especially younger newer staff.
Everyone is very glad she's gone.

Yes, a junior school mum. I was friends with women she knew & she didn't like it. Vile women. I did confront her because I wanted her to tell me what the issue was. She refused & stormed off. She doesn't talk to any of the original mums now that I'm still in touch with. Overtime she showed her true colours!

I once took a dislike to someone.

It took me years to work out why.

Lady A had very many similar personality traits to Lady B, who I couldn't stand. Lady A didn't have the horrid bits of Lady Bs personality, but the parts that were the same were SO similar, I took an instant dislike to Lady A. I was never rude to Lady A, just quietly couldn't stand her and always tolerated her when we had to socialise together.

I apologised to Lady A when I worked it out. She said she had always wondered why we didn't click, as she really liked me. Got on fine after that.

This has reminded me of my GCSE English teacher. She was absolutely foul to me for no apparent reason. I was always on time, polite, quiet in class and did my homework. I wasn't the best student but I wasn't bad! Anyway, she told my parents at parents evening that I'd be lucky to get a D in English GCSE.
I got an A in both English language and English literature. The last time I saw her was just after the results. I passed her on a staircase and said hello, wondering whether she would mention my results, and she completely blanked me 😂😂

I get it a lot and I'm also quite "compliant," in that I'm very shy and unassuming, always avoid conflict, self-deprecating...or was, anyway, until therapy training taught me that a lot of people truly despise anyone who comes across as "weak" (in their opinion).

Also, jealousy: I'm a high achiever with a posh accent and I'm reeeeally pretty. (Now I've learned to state my great qualities with confidence ;) )

This is me right now and my line manager. She used a meeting type thing to call me out on something I had forgotten to do (a little thing others had forgotten about previously).

She walks away from me when I’m still talking to her, last night I was down for a meeting until I pointed out I didn’t need to go to it so she said ok you don’t need to be here so instead I went and spoke to two colleagues about today, on the way out I spoke to her and she said “go home, there I’ve just dove what I wanted you to do tonight and I’ve done it in the time it’s taken you to get ready to go home!”

Anything I say to her she twists, I almost got hit by a child throwing something today “well it should be in a cupboard” it wasn’t my classroom I was in I didn’t know where it was to be kept! If it wasn’t that it would have been something else that wasn’t the point it would have been like saying the reason you got bitten on the leg was your fault for having a leg!

Think this might be my problem. Especially around that time. It was a newish role for me and I was very quiet and unassuming, just got my head down and tried my best, probably tried to please everyone.

People see it as weakness.

Yea the receptionist at one of my workplace. Absolutely hated me for no reason, pick on me for things that were ridiculous (not closing the front door quickly enough etc) then when I would stand up for myself, would used that as even more reason to hate me. Nice as pie to everyone else and I'd never done anything to her. Made my time there a bit miserable actually as she was very domineering and I often had to ask her to book rooms etc which I used to dress!

Shit happens. Not everyone you come across in life will like you, just as we all can't like everyone.

But the way we behave counts for a lot. Passive aggression and putting others down is something I don't waste energy on. If I dislike a person I simply prefer not to give them time. They will also have given me cause. I tend not to get irritated by people's little foibles; what I do dislike is spite, vindicitive gossip, dishonesty and lack of integrity. I've rarely if ever taken against someone on sight.

In a work situation I'll own my mistakes but hate having my professionalism wrongly called into question. It's rare, but this is where I'll show my fangs. I choose my battles but will die on this particular hill.

Teachers and students: I'm a lecturer. Like and dislike shouldn't come into it, although there are a lot I do like. If I have to haul them over the coals it really isn't personal, but boundaries are essential as they make life more comfortable for everyone.

As to my own teachers, I tend to respond to straight-talking people (true of my later life too) who communicate directly. I liked those who were consistent, and strict but fair. It's odd that the teachers who really took against me liked my brother and vice versa.

As for those who have been hostile to me, what other people think of me is none of my business. I'm fairly straightforward and direct, and I have boundaries. It doesn't always make for popularity, but by the same token I agree with the PP upthread that people despise perceived weakness. Like many people, as I've got older I've developed a thicker skin.

This happens a lot to me. People seem to take an instant dislike, then warm up once they realise I'm not completely arrogant

😃

I don't have a posh accent but am attractive and confident, which I think people women hate

I'm not snooty though

Yes a few times at work. It always baffles me. The people that don't like me are always a certain type with an ego, who act superior, do a lot of blagging and often aren't as good as they pretend to be. The last one, my friends said it was because I was not phased by their authority + didn't feel the need to suck up to them. I'm quick to grasp things + always ask questions. My friends reckoned these people never saw my questions as constructive, but felt threatened and were worried I'd show them up to be incompetent.
OP the fact that you moved within the organisation may have been a factor. You already had a network of contacts, this can make some people feel threatened. Some people like to control the narrative coming out of their kingdom, sometimes for their ego or sometimes because they think you might tell other people of their incompetence.
Try to avoid dwelling on it. It is always about them not you.

I've had a v similar experience. It was awful. I wasted too much time wondering whyyyyy meeee, when it just had to be somebody.

I had one at work many moons ago. Bent over backwards to be nice to her, train her in the job and support her. But she was icy cold towards me. The worst thing was that she didn't say a word to me when my mum died while I was pregnant. Unforgiveable.
I am, unfortunately, a holder of grudges and even now irrationally hate people with her name from her country.

It's so awful to be on the receiving end of this isn't it!?
Our fight/flight/freeze/fawn can't tell the difference between a tiger and a Beeotch.

Looking back I wish I'd said ''Regina, I feel like you're incredibly warm to everybody else and extremely cold to me. Is this your intention?''. Either she'd have denied it, and I could have said, ''good, so glad to hear it'' (as apparently just that much signals to the bitch that you're stronger than they had assumed) or, if she'd said ''yes, that's my intention'' then I could have said ''Can I count on you to be professional enough to hide it.''

But i kept giving her the benefit of the doubt.

This is me! Used to really bother me, but goes over my head now

Yes one of my neighbours. No idea what I've ever done to him. His wife is lovely and chatty to me, as are his daughters who are grown ups but spend a lot of time there. They stop to talk and seem totally nice and normal. I will say hello to him as we often pass while dog walking, but he'll just completely blank me. I've given up after 2/3 years of being ignored.

Oh christ yes. A woman who took completely against me for no reason I could uunderstand. Anything she could do to make life difficult for me, she went all out, no matter how petty - I could fill a thread with examples.

It wasn't just me though, she systematically targeted every other woman in the company. I was thinking about it the other day and worked out that at least fifteen women left whilst I was there, and all of them got in touch with me afterwards to say they had loved working for the company, but she made the atmosphere so toxic they couldn't bear it. It got so bad I had a massive breakdown and had to leave.

I'd have loved to have fired her arse into the sun. Unfortunately, it was my family business, and she's my SiL... I haven't spoken to her or my brother in 15yrs!

Haribos, pretty much all my dc teachers havent liked her.
Its been dc behaviour. But even when he hasnt been that bad they still dont like him.
Its asd i think. hes very strong willed and wont follow a crowd, resistant to work. But he is really clever. Teachers (hardly surprisingly) want an easy life. Dc also had an activity leader who was the same. And asked him to leave.

Ive had one awful female manager who was so mean several staff left. When i wanted to move to abother team she mwrked it ob the form i wasnt suitwble - for a job at the same level!.
And male senior managers who were blatently picking new staff for being very pretty (in 2000s). It was quite pervy really (he was attactive and knew it) but was like 40+ to their 21.