Is it not normal to be in your thirties and not have any friends?

[selfselfiequeen]

Reassure me that I'm not some weirdo. I've had friendships in the past but none seem to go the distance or last.. in the past I'd get extremely depressed over it but as I have a small family of my own I try to put my energies into my partner and our kids... but I can't help but wonder what sort of friendships women my age have. This is not a pity me post, just would like to hear other people's experiences especially those in their thirties

it might sound obvious but during times when you're busy you can still keep friendships going via group chats like whatsapp etc. I have one of these with my main friendship group that people will post to most days. It might just be a snippet, a funny thing that happened that day but it's an easy way to stay connected to friends and their lives when you don't have a whole lot of spare time.

I'm in my 50's and have no friends. I don't trust easily, so I can't be arsed with it all. I also don't care what other people of me.

It's normal from what I've heard. I'm early 30s. 1 proper friend and a few mum friends.

I'm 32 and until recently I had perhaps one friend who I didn't see often. I have recently made a few more mum-friends.

I often feel quite down about it. I do enjoy spending time with other people but I do think I have a social anxiety and I struggle more than others might, my natural inclination is to avoid but I've really been making an effort lately and I now have a few new friends amazingly. I actually have people to send Christmas cards to this year! Last year I didn't and I was sad about it.

I think it's maybe more common than we realise

@iCantCarly in my experience people who do transactional friendships to get holiday freebies or connections usually drop people pretty quickly when a better offer comes along. Their friendships don’t last long at all.

I think you’re right about being sparkly and funny. People like to be around people who make them laugh or lighten the mood. I find a lot of people quite serious now and a lot of what you say is negatively interpreted which means you have to overthink what should be natural conversation. So it all feels stilted and bit wrong.

In in my 30s. I have one best friend, but she lives quite far away and we only see each other occasionally.

Then I have a couple of Mums I chat to at the school gate. One of them has a kid in my DD's class so once they finish Y6 I don't imagine we'll see much of each other. The other has a DC in the year below DD, so I'll have a couple more years chatting to her as DS is a couple of years below that. I had 2 other school mum friends but they both moved their DC to other schools so I don't see them very often, if ever.

Other than them (and DH), no real friends here.

I have 2 close friends that I’ve had for 30 years - these are part of a bigger group of about 5 that I would call outer friends, we meet on big birthdays & have a night out at Xmas.

I also have some friends that are new that I’ve picked up since having my DD 7 (ex colleague, 2schiil mums, 1 from swimming lessons & 1 from another club). Out of my ‘new’ friends, I would only meet up with2 of them.

I have to really make an effort as I’m a single Mum but sometimes I could happily just do my own thing but I’m conscious that when my child leaves home, these friendships will be even more important to me.

How old are your children OP?

I have found going to local playgroups and classes has helped me. Being consistent and going every week, you naturally start to make friends in the community. Also keep your expectations low, even if you just have a lovely chat or a laugh together it can raise your spirits and fulfil that need to be social, I have learnt friendships take time to build, especially when you are all busy with your families or work.

I heard on the Zoe podcast that being social is incredibly beneficial and important to your mental and physical health as you age.

@ShirleyPhallus thank you. My friend was an amazing person, life is so short! I like your 2 nights per week routine. I think that is something worth trying to do it's very easy to loose yourself in the pressures of modern life.

My mum friend has got in touch this evening to talk about her daughter and something that happened, I've known her for over a year and I still feel like I don't know her. We used to make an effort to meet for coffee etc and now she doesn't make an effort, even when I see her locally or at the school gates it's fleeting conversation- doesn't help that she says she is not a sociable person.. and she can be quite intimidating actually.. think resting bitch face... my partner does the school runs so I don't really have the opportunity to get to know people. But then sometimes when I do go to the school for events etc the other parents are very stuck up and antisocial so I just crawl back into my shell. I know they probably think the same of me... but I'm careful with who I open up to at my kids school as that's where those kids will be going for the foreseeable.

In my thirties I had kids at primary school and was working part time.

I had an awful lot of acquaintances - so other mums who I saw at school pick up and ballet and beavers/cubs/brownies etc but very few close friends. Lots of lift sharing etc but no (or very little) meeting up for nights out etc.
Just didn't have the time.

Now I'm late forties, just moved to a new area where I didn't know anyone.

I've joined some stuff (mostly music) and picked up quite a few acquaintances but no friends yet.