Being stopped because DS is in a pram

[cocoapple]

DS is 2 (3 at the end of February) We are currently going through some assessments as he’s very delayed, I’ve been told it’s more than likely asd. He’s still in a pram as walking anywhere with him is a nightmare. He has no sense of danger, he’ll just run off and because he has limited understanding I can’t explain to him why what he does is dangerous and he wouldn’t come back to me if I called his name. I have tried reins, but he just throws himself on the floor or tries to walk in another direction.

I was walking back from doing the school run and a woman was walking a little bit behind me. She said “excuse me, he looks a little old to be in a pram” I told her that there were reasons why he was in one and walked off.

I got home and got a bit upset. It hurts to see other children his age and even younger walking next to their parents, I’d love for him to be able to do that but at the moment it’s not possible. In parks where it’s secure is ok but anything other than that is just too dangerous and difficult.

I just can’t believe someone would even say that. It wasn’t like a friendly chat or anything like that, she literally just said what she said, not even a smile.

That's a very weird thing to say.

Mine still go in a pram and they are 3 and 2 - would take me forever to go a long distance if they weren't and it's never crossed my mind they'd be too old. What rubbish.

I can relate , my 10 year old is autistic. He was a runner when a toddler and we had a push along car for him to sit in for quite some time till at least age 6 he fitted in it. We only ever got positive attention when her was being pushed in his car. Everyone thought it was great.

Nothing wrong with a push chair though and none of anyone’s business.

Whisper Ride Step2 1 Seater Motorcycles Push/Pull Ride On Toy

https://www.wayfair.co.uk/garden/pdp/step2-whisper-ride-push-ride-on-u003583597.html

Gosh how rude of her. As has been said @cocoapple It is NOT that unusual for a child of 2 to be in a pram. It's not like he's 5!

Nobody else’s business why he’s in a pram/buggy apart from yours. Mine had no issues but were always told that they could either walk holding my hand or go in the buggy. I don’t like the idea of reins and you’ve said they were useless anyway - know a lot of people who say the same. Mine were in the buggy til they were about three and a half so in my opinion your child isn’t too old anyway. Maybe they look older than they are but nobody’s business. I wouldn’t get upset about what a know it all stranger said - they’re not worth it.

I'd like to think I would behave replied "And you look a little old to be judging people without knowing anything about them”. But probably I would have just gone home and cried a bit.

I agree with the rude lady comments. People like that pretend to be experts but eithet never had to do the school run with a slow walker or have forgotten. There was a lady in full blown lockdown who told me she would have loved lock down as more time with kids. Completely ignoring the fact that can't leave house, home schooling, the fear that you would get too sick to care for them if you got it, difficulty of getting supplies or explaining that to a child along with the fact they can't see their wider family, need to be homeschooled and everyone in the house is working from home. She was a neighbour who moved a while after offering up that pile of #### unrequested on the street. Maybe she moved to your area????

firstly, it’s totally normal.
secondly, she was rude and wrong.
thirdly, you are understandably sensitive to it.

I think having some stock phrases or responses is useful as it means you don’t have to think on your feet.

i say this as my dd is NT and just coming up for 19m but super tall with lots of hair. People often assume she is at least 3!!!

I get loads of comments in th playground about her language skills… or lack of. Her sharing… or lack of. Her patience… or lack of…
Someone laughed and implied I was lying when I said “well she’s 1.5 she doesn’t understand sharing yet”

Now I just have a range of noncommittal phrases now. Like ”hmmm… all children are different”
I find telling them how amazing/advanced their kid is and how lucky they are to be the most effective way to shut people up.

Ignore her, people can be so rude it's absolutely none of her business. My daughter will be 4 soon and because I have a small age gap 13 months between her and her brother we've always used a double. Only just getting rid of this now. We walk long distances so it would not be fair to make her walk the whole time. I'd be so cross if someone said that to me

Awful comment to make even if it were true, and it's not. Mums are just doing their best this is so unhelpful! What a cow

It’s not weird at all.

Be confident in your own parenting and ignore the people who judge you when knowing zero about you. It’s really hard.
I used to look after a little girl who was 4 and in reception - I had to have wrist reins for her as she was a runner. Her mum didn’t care if she wore it - she said rather than than my child get ran over.

That's wild! My two are just over two years apart and we VERY much used the double buggy for well over a year. We don't have a car and little legs get tired! They absolutely still nap in the pram at that age (and it's absolutely bloody brilliant because then you can sit down in a cafe "alone" for an hour).

You honestly don't need to add the back story of what's going on with your child to justify using a pram at that age.

Thanks to those who have been supportive. It’s hard to not let things get to you, especially when you’re already feeling you’re not doing things ‘right’ DS1 is NT so having DS2 who isnt, has been quite difficult. Like I said, not knowing if I’m doing the right things, if I’m doing enough etc. Then on top of that having some stranger coming up to me questioning things. Good to hear that I know I’m doing all the right things to keep him safe

Neither DP or I drive and we couldn't really afford to anyway. Our kids are now in their teens but we sometimes used a buggy, especially for DS1, until he was quite old, and really way too heavy for it. For DS2, 21 months younger, I bought a better model which was from birth to 25 kg instead of 6 months to 15 kg. But as they got a bit older if I was just taking him out, it was easier to just walk or use the scooter sometimes than if we were taking both of them out, so I used the buggy less with him from 2/3 ownwards. But we still did sometimes and I wouldn't make assumptions.

He got a scooter quite young and at first the childminders wanted him to bring it, but he was so reckless about rushing ahead on it, they then said, no don't, quite understandably, so I can relate to needing a buggy for longer. Maybe people who think your child's old for it didn't walk a lot - no one judges the age of kids who are in the back of the car all the time, so why should parents using a pushchair for journeys which combine walking/public transport face such judgy comments?

I had a very old secondhand Phil and Teds for a bit but gave it away when someone I knew needed one and had no money, and we weren't using it - if I hadn't taken the chance to rehome it it would probably still be in the under stairs cupboard with the Maclarens and that would be wasteful all round.

This is what I was thinking. He'd probably be much more comfortable (and less likely to make weirdos mention it) in a world facing pushchair or a stroller at his age.

She's mad. My DD was walked to school in her buggy at age 5 as she was incredibly lazy and hated the long walk. It also helped keep her dry on wet days. I didn't drive then so we had no choice.

DS was still in his Baby Jogger (which BTW is great for taller toddlers/kids OP) at 4 and we last took it on holiday when he was 6 because there was lots of walking involved. As others have said, great for carrying bags etc too.

It's also useful if your child still needs a nap sometimes and if they have something they can go to sleep in. And you can use it for a bit of shopping too.

You could consider getting a sunflower lanyard and tying it to the pushchair. I see a woman on the school run who does this. Though I think in her case it's to stop people trying to engage with her toddler and freaking him out, but I imagine it would cut down on ignorant comments.

@AthenaPopodopolous My DS was diagnosed with autism at 3 yo. I bet you'd have thought that was ridiculous. Well guess what? He's now 24 and still autistic. Much better that he received some early interventions as a pre-schooler than to be diagnosed late when some behaviours might have become entrenched.

I agree that she doesn’t even know the distances you’re travelling - if you’ve got some miles to do around the area post-school run who is she to tell a young child to walk it?! Sounds like a self-centered woman. For much older children it’s quite common to bring the buggy out if it’s a steps heavy day!

I’m so sorry that a stranger felt that it was her place to pass comment and judgement on what is appropriate for another child / parent. It is so hurtful and I know this as I have a neurodivergent son (almost aged 12).

my daughter is 4 and when we are doing a lot of walking or in the central london where it’s crowded, I’ve put in her in a buggy until recently.

my son is off the scale, in terms of intelligence, but struggles with organisation, spatial skills and impulse control. My coping mechanism when he was very little, was to just keep him occupied and he had quite unusual interests. For example, he studied a lot about human evolution, when he was 5-6. I enjoyed learning with him and we went down rabbit holes. One lady called him a ‘trained monkey’. It stuck with me.

what I am saying, is that you know your child best. You know what he needs right now. You know that you are doing your best, out of love. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone. There will be more people like her.

I never used a pram but I had a similar comment about having much 5yo in a carrier on my back. It was lunch time, I was in the supermarket, we had been walking all morning. He'd done miles and miles and he was knackered. Plus, the exercise is good for me. People will judge whatever you do. It's shit.

I echo everyone who said you do not need to explian yourself. I have a very delayed son with ASD and coordination issues and OMG the number of people who would comment about pretty much anything. I learned to say;

It's really none of your business.

Or, if I were being polite ; 'There are reasons for this which you are not privy to'.

I've got quite boisterous little boys and a temperamental little girl, and I definitely used a pram for my youngest when he was 3 and a good bit- it was just safer. 2 is very normal and she's just completely rude.

The woman was incredibly rude! I have 6 year old diagnosed at 2 , so to the poster who assumed children cannot not diagnosed at young age is also sounding incredibly rude! My daughter needs a pushchair and reins and I get some looks! It's super annoying ! My daughter is still in nappies, like I would choose any of this!

He’s no way too old!
I think we stopped at 3 for DS- he had to be reasonably road safe (I’d not run off) and be able to walk the school run (for older dd), which was a 40 min round walk.
Some people brought their perfectly NT children in buggies in reception (in a car so they’d go in car then be wheeled in - what did they think the kids did all day?).