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Original poster

Bad form to turn up at a birthday party with nothing?

109 replies

RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 16:32

I think it is. Having recently hosted a kids party I’m guessing people disagree with me.

Bad form to turn up with nothing or completely normal nowadays?

(very middle class professional demographic by the way, no money problems).

OP posts:
BCBird · 18/11/2023 16:33

Yes it is. Bad form to turn up to any 'do' without something, unless you have been told otherwise

Blueey · 18/11/2023 16:34

You mean turn up to a kids birthday with no gift for the birthday child? Of course it's bad form!

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/11/2023 16:36

very middle class professional demographic by the way, no money problems

If you're very sure about this, then yes, rude.

A couple of DD's friends in primary were kids with struggling parents and I specifically made the present thing not a thing.

Afteropening · 18/11/2023 16:37

how old out of interest?

IndecentFeminist · 18/11/2023 16:39

I think it is the norm, but I wouldn't 9verly mind/notice if someone came empty handed. The kids all have enough so don't need more really. We did a whole class party last year as he was in reception and said no presents on invitation, but everyone came with one so DS ended up with 20 odd gifts.

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 16:50

Just a small gathering of primary aged children. I know all the parents, so yep I know there are no money problems. I just found it interesting.

OP posts:
Afteropening · 18/11/2023 16:50

how many turned up with no present?

MexterDorgan · 18/11/2023 16:52

Very unusual, unheard of in all of the kids parties I've been to and hosted with primary aged DC.

Mummymummy89 · 18/11/2023 16:52

Yes it is bad form. I haven't seen it yet - we did a whole class party for dd's 3rd and every single guest brought a present. Even two kids, who couldn't make it, brought a present into nursery the following day (now that was above and beyond expectation for sure!)

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 18/11/2023 16:53

RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 16:50

Just a small gathering of primary aged children. I know all the parents, so yep I know there are no money problems. I just found it interesting.

How do you know there are no money problems? Do you discuss full financial background with all your children's friends' parents?

Mummymummy89 · 18/11/2023 16:55

I'm going to risk condemnation and say even if there are money problems, I think it'd be better to bring something even if it's just a nice homemade card which had some effort put in.

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 16:58

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 18/11/2023 16:53

How do you know there are no money problems? Do you discuss full financial background with all your children's friends' parents?

Show quote history

It was a small gathering of people I know well. So yes I do know their careers, their husbands careers, where they live and whether a fiver in a card is out of reach.

I wondered if I was just out of touch as to the social norms with this stuff. I know no one says thank you for gifts anymore. I got that memo. I just wasn’t sure about the giving of gifts.

OP posts:
Afteropening · 18/11/2023 17:00

I wondered if I was just out of touch as to the social norms with this stuff

how come out of touch if you have primary aged children? don’t your children attend parties? is this the first party you’ve held?

Afteropening · 18/11/2023 17:02

* I know no one says thank you for gifts anymore. *

wtf?

Yes. they do.

haven’t you been thanking people for presents?

PuttingDownRoots · 18/11/2023 17:08

The only present DD got from her best friend at school was a £1 chocolate bar. However I was well aware that money was extremely short... and honestly DD didn't care about the present, she just wanted him there.

Your situation seems a bit more rude. Not even a birthday card?

ScarboroughHair · 18/11/2023 17:09

If it was a small tea party then perhaps people didn't see it as a full birthday party as such? I went to one such party that was a gathering of 4 children and their parents at their house after school. I wasn't sure whether a present was the done thing or not, we did take one but two of the guests turned up without. Different if you've hired a hall/soft play /Entertainer maybe?

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:10

Afteropening · 18/11/2023 17:00

I wondered if I was just out of touch as to the social norms with this stuff

how come out of touch if you have primary aged children? don’t your children attend parties? is this the first party you’ve held?

Yes it’s the first party I’ve had.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:11

Afteropening · 18/11/2023 17:02

* I know no one says thank you for gifts anymore. *

wtf?

Yes. they do.

haven’t you been thanking people for presents?

I certainly indeed to yes. No one else has ever thanked me for a gift bar a very close friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:12

ScarboroughHair · 18/11/2023 17:09

If it was a small tea party then perhaps people didn't see it as a full birthday party as such? I went to one such party that was a gathering of 4 children and their parents at their house after school. I wasn't sure whether a present was the done thing or not, we did take one but two of the guests turned up without. Different if you've hired a hall/soft play /Entertainer maybe?

Not a tea party. It was a paid for even.

OP posts:
Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:13

PuttingDownRoots · 18/11/2023 17:08

The only present DD got from her best friend at school was a £1 chocolate bar. However I was well aware that money was extremely short... and honestly DD didn't care about the present, she just wanted him there.

Your situation seems a bit more rude. Not even a birthday card?

Nope, no birthday card. Nothing. It sounds like this is indeed unusual and does make me view the friendship differently I’ll be honest.

OP posts:
AnneValentine · 18/11/2023 17:14

My neighbours live in a 2.2 million pound house. Both partners are in high paying jobs.

Their fixed interest came to an end 3 months ago. Outwardly they look very wealthy. They’re not ok financially.

Never assume anything.

Original poster
RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:16

AnneValentine · 18/11/2023 17:14

My neighbours live in a 2.2 million pound house. Both partners are in high paying jobs.

Their fixed interest came to an end 3 months ago. Outwardly they look very wealthy. They’re not ok financially.

Never assume anything.

Pmsl I know these people. We talk about stuff. They regularly go on Caribbean holidays. Their expensive house is mortgage free. Their earnings are 150k plus bonuses. No one is using food banks here. It’s plainly a lack of thought and I find it interesting.

OP posts:
Afteropening · 18/11/2023 17:16

RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:11

I certainly indeed to yes. No one else has ever thanked me for a gift bar a very close friend.

Show quote history

are you being serious?

Family, friends, your children’s friends…. none of them say thank you for gifts?

You need to surround yourself with different people Op. this is not normal

Purplerain0505 · 18/11/2023 17:17

I don’t think I’d mind. Sometimes life gets in the way and I’d rather a child came to the party than didn’t turn up at all simply because they’d forgotten to get a gift. We live in a village though so no options for a quick dash to the supermarket.

At DS birthday party a child came with a gift, decided she wanted it herself and took it home again! Her mum has form for being a bit of a CF so didn’t say anything and DS didn’t notice, but I was amazed when I realised!

AnneValentine · 18/11/2023 17:17

RudsyFarmer · 18/11/2023 17:16

Pmsl I know these people. We talk about stuff. They regularly go on Caribbean holidays. Their expensive house is mortgage free. Their earnings are 150k plus bonuses. No one is using food banks here. It’s plainly a lack of thought and I find it interesting.

Edited
Show quote history

PMSL. Clearly you do not know them 😂

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