Bad form to turn up at a birthday party with nothing?

[RudsyFarmer]

I think it is. Having recently hosted a kids party I’m guessing people disagree with me.

Bad form to turn up with nothing or completely normal nowadays?

(very middle class professional demographic by the way, no money problems).

No, no one thanks for gifts. I guess they say thank you when you pass it over, but no feedback. I’ve got used to it as it’s EVERYONE.

Bad manners.
I teach my children never expect a present and never turn up empty handed

Well clearly you know them better than me 🤣

You teach your children never to expect a birthday present on their birthday? Why?

If I couldn’t afford something small for the child then I would NOT accept the invitation. Turning up to a party - children or adults - empty handed is bad manners

how old were the children and how many didn’t turn up with a present?

but presumably your children have attended parties. And you have brought present. And seen many others bringing presents?

Manners and being well brought up and not grabby.

If you know these people so well that you know all these private details, surely you know them well enough to just say something to them about it?

It sounds like this is indeed unusual and does make me view the friendship differently I’ll be honest.

Don't be ridiculous. You sound awful.

Is it the norm to turn up with no present? No, it's not. Most people will bring a gift / voucher / cash in a card to a child's birthday.

Sometimes people won't just due to busy-ness & being a bit hassled & might do it later.

Sometimes outwardly financially well-off people are not at all and may not be able to. (I have been this soldier, not for a birthday party but a situation where I needed to pay for someone's coffee & hadn't enough money. For a coffee. Professional, outwardly ok looking).

It doesn't matter. I would never care if someone didn't bring me or my DC a gift. It's not the point. The point is their attendance at a celebration & I'd never care if there was a gift or not. Imagine saying you'd 'think differently' of them. 😕

Thank you for some sanity @DGPP. I seem to be getting some very peculiar views here. Perhaps the wine came out early.

Gifts should be an act of thoughtfulness and generosity, they're not something that should be expected or demanded. We were always taught not to expect or ask for gifts, to always say thank you for them and never to turn up without them to a party.

Expecting a gift is entitled behaviour.

Some schools etc have a no present system to help parents manage full class birthdays throughout the year. Has there been an agreement of this type that you've missed?

@RudsyFarmer you're usually a fairly sound poster, this has clearly got to you, I think you need to decide on a plan to approach this with your friends and maybe clear the air? If they're good friends they should be open to hearing it?

As an alternative perspective, we don't buy presents for certain people we know because we know they are very anti-tat and anti-plastic and don't like stuff for the sake of stuff. Could that possibly be an explanation or am I reaching? 😅

You seem very invested in this. Almost goady.

Yes I’ve brought presents. I assume other attendees have also bought presents. I don’t know if everyone has bought presents.

Oh fgs people are broke these days blah blah. So they are so poor they can’t afford a scrap of paper FROM ANYWHERE and so over worked doing 3683993 hour shifts to ask their child to make a card!? So sick
of hearing this crap.

People are entitled and rude, that is all. Anyone who can’t organise a home made card has no business a)going to the party or b) having a kid in the first place. Get a grip!
And no I’m not a Tory and I grew up poor. No excuses.

Agree with this @Lavender14

I personally have always prioritised giving gifts (unnecessarily so at times, when I couldn't afford them) but really don't mind if others do or don't give me gifts. Or my DC

(The only time I probably mind is maybe when my siblings don't make any effort to buy their godchild something but still wouldn't dwell too much on it).

Perhaps they think everyone in this circle has enough of everything, and to get something would be an embarrassing token gesture.

"We're rich enough. You're rich enough, let's not bother with a £5 bit it tat...."

Could it be that?

because i find it odd that

1. you claimed you wondered whether this was the social norm these days, when clearly you know it isn’t
2. and i’m still 😮 at the fact that no one i. your life aside from one friend thanks you for presents. that’s shit!

are you suggesting she asks her friend (s) (op has t said whether one or multiple) why they didn’t bring a gift?

Pmsl I like how you have evaluated my posting style. I feel like I’ve received a commendation from you 🫢

Im trying to work out if it’s common or not and by trying to do that I’m trying to work out whether I’m annoyed or not. I think I am annoyed, but I’d rather not be IYSWIM.

Didn’t say I did but you clearly don’t know them that well or this wouldn’t be a shock.

It could be! But we’re not rich. Comfortable yes, not rich and my kids are not entitled.

It's really rude IMO not to give the birthday child a gift. Yes, the birthday child has friends to celebrate which is lovely, but the CF parents have their kid entertained, fed and presumably walks away with a party bag.

Even just giving a chocolate bar is cringeworthy. Sorry.

It is a shock! That’s the point. I’m surprised, I’m trying to work out if this is normal. Which I still haven’t really worked out. I think I’d rather find out it was a normal.

love it when the OP zones in on the supportive poster and everyone else is “peculiar” 😂

My son is in year 2. Everyone turns up with cars and presents at every party, and we usually receive a written thank-you card within a week after the party.

We’ve had a couple of parties where the parents have asked that instead of a present for the birthday child, everyone brings a wrapped book and the kids each get to take one home at the end, I really like that idea.