Bad form to turn up at a birthday party with nothing?

[RudsyFarmer]

I think it is. Having recently hosted a kids party I’m guessing people disagree with me.

Bad form to turn up with nothing or completely normal nowadays?

(very middle class professional demographic by the way, no money problems).

It's rude.
It doesn't have to be expensive but it's a polite gesture.
Ds received a bar of chocolate from a friend once and a pound shop notebook from another. He was really happy with them.

I remember being a child who had three friends invited to tea to my birthday. One friend wasn't allowed by her mum to come because she didn't have a gift.

I remember making my mum go to speak to her to tell her that I didn't want a gift, I wanted to spend time with my friend.

Sometimes there are reasons we don't know about, and some things are more important that materialistic tat.

I would rather give a child a fun time to make my dc happy, than worry about presents.

I am curious about comment that you think your sibling “enjoys” not being your children a gift, and you always buy their child a gift.

You are basically saying your sibling is a sociopath, in which case…. i wouldn’t want my children to have any relationship with them whatsoever!

There was a lovely thread on here a few years ago where a parent who was struggling for cash was worried whether it was ok to send a box of maltesers as a present for a child's party. Without question everyone was very supportive In saying yes of course it's fine. Sometimes the thought does count more than anything.

If it's a lot of families that did it...could it be that it's the trend/custom at your school? e.g. lots of parents have previously said "please no more toys, the kids have so many already"

That's only likely if you are new to the school though, otherwise you would have probably already noticed.

Yes I think it is awful

Happened at my ds's party a long time ago with one child.

how old was the birth day boy? young primary or year 6?

what happened? did she come?

I’m trying to work it out, was it just one guest who didn’t bring a gift or literally all the guests turned up without gifts? If it’s the latter, I’d say that was pretty unusual to say the very least.

this question been asked a few times as no. answer.

When my DS was younger it wouldn't have bothered me. We don't know the financial situation for people

All my DS wanted was time with his friends and a cake.

It's really rude for anyone of any age to turn up to any sort of party empty handed. Just fucking rude.

With children it's obviously the parents responsibility but adults do it too. It's not hard to rustle up a bottle of wine / flowers / chocolates if someone's entertaining you for lunch or dinner at their home. It's not always about money, it's lazy and thoughtless.

Some of my adult contemporaries note that birthday and Xmas gifts to family children/teens are expected but never acknowledged. And the adults don't even get a birthday card from the children they buy presents for.

@howdoesyourgardengrowinmay

Some of my adult contemporaries note that birthday and Xmas gifts to family children/teens are expected but never acknowledged. And the adults don't even get a birthday card from the children they buy presents for

these are grown assed adults. They don’t have to buy for anyone. They choose to year in and year out knowing that they won’t get an acknowledgment. So… if they don’t like it, why do they do it?

This is really odd, OP.

People that you know well enough to know they don't have cash flow issues should absolutely bring a gift to your child's birthday.

Or at the very least - an 'oh so sorry, we didn't have time to get a present, would X like to come to the cinema next week as a treat' type thing.

No one turns up to a child's party without at least a token gesture unless for a reason.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

In general, it’s rude to turn up empty handed. But if one of my kid’s friends had to turn down an invitation due to not being able to afford a present I’d be horrified and absolutely assure them that what he wants is his friend at his party. And I wouldn’t be phased by anyone just forgetting or not realising it’s the done thing.

Actually what’s polite in my circles is to put “no presents necessary” on the invitation, even though virtually everyone still turns up with one. I don’t put it, because my kid doesn’t have lots of generous wider family, he’s only going to get presents from me and my mum, so I like for him to have the opportunity of a whole pile of presents from different people.

Are you 100% sure? My DD had 8 friends for a birthday activity and after they were collected DD opened her presents and I was making a note for thank you’s and she had 7 presents. X seemingly hadn’t brought one. I wasn’t particularly bothered, and neither was DD more importantly…

But a few days later DD realised the child had put a card down in her bedroom and then hadn’t brought it to the venue when we all left…

Is there even a tiny possibility you may have missed it?

when mine was little, one of his best friends gave a couple of books that looked like they were from a bargain book type shop one year and the next, absolutely nothing. They were a rich family (house worth well over a million, holidays, nanny etc). I did think it was strange/rude given that we gave decent things. Later when it was his friends birthday coming up the mother of their other best friend asked if i wanted to go half on a football tshirt for his present (so around £20 each). I said no and explained why

@IwishIdidntlikesugar

WTF

You told another parent that you would not go halves because they’d bought bargain basement books or nothing for your child?

Seriously???

you should have just said “no thanks - i am already sorted for a present”

I'd find this really sad - DDs birthday party is next week - it's the first one I've properly thrown and she will be four. I'd be gutted if someone has declined the invite because they couldn't afford even a small gift - I don't care about the presents (and neither does DD, she's four and has no concept of who bought what for her!) I care about her friends being there and having fun with her.

Yes I did. It wasnt the parent who had bought nothing who i spoke to, it was ANOTHER parent who wanted ME to spend a lot of of money on said child who arrived with nothing. I explained my reasons as to why I wouldn’t be spending that much when she asked.

yes i got that

you gossiped

you could have just had thanks but i am sorted

Well @RudsyFarmer I’d have found it downright rude if I held a birthday party/tea etc for a young child and the invitees didn’t turn up with a card and small gift, that’s just good manners surely. Once they’re teenagers and doing their own thing it’s different but young children it’s down to the parents and it would make me think differently for sure.

Bloody hell, let it go FFS

You've said your piece, so jog on

It's the height of rudeness, i find it's always the same people year after year, yet those are the same people who can afford holidays, nights out etc no problem, I would be mortified to send my child to a party without something however small it may be