Bad form to turn up at a birthday party with nothing?

[RudsyFarmer]

I think it is. Having recently hosted a kids party I’m guessing people disagree with me.

Bad form to turn up with nothing or completely normal nowadays?

(very middle class professional demographic by the way, no money problems).

I’m trying to work out if this is normal.
what is it with the faux naivety?!

you clearly know it’s not “normal”

It isn’t very… polite but certainly not something to address with the parent sin question!

It's obviously not ideal. And if every guest came with hands by their sides, it would be awful.

However, given that the vast majority of people bring gifts, if occasionally someone doesn't (and over the years this has happened with my DC), I don't think about it at all, or wonder why. Thoughtlessness, forgetfulness, chaos or lacking money, it doesn't matter and shouldn't be what I or my DC focus on.

nailed it

You’ve very clearly come on this thread to tell me I have no right to feel anything other than completely delighted my child has received nothing from someone I thought was a good friend.

I also have a sibling who enjoys getting my child nothing when I diligently make sure their children receive gifts every birthday and Christmas. I find it hurtful from the relative and thoughtless from the friend.

I need to decide how much it impacts my thoughts going forward and I think time will tell on it. I have fully understood your feelings though. So rest assured you’ve been heard and acknowledged.

That’s a lovely idea ♥️

I wouldn't view the friendship differently if I were you. It's not the child's fault it'll be the parents fault. How old are the kids involved?
To answer your question, no it isn't normal though. If we couldn't get a gift we'd either not go to the party or even recycle an unopened gift if we had one.

I also have a sibling who enjoys getting my child nothing when I diligently make sure their children receive gifts every birthday and Christmas. I find it hurtful from the relative and thoughtless from the friend

That's a bit different though.

How do you know she 'enjoys' not getting a present for your DC? 🤔

I spent most of my life getting presents for all & sundry. Really. Random connections as well as close friends. I liked doing it. The fact I had many times where I couldn't afford it didn't stop me. I didn't expect gifts in return but it wasn't a sensible way to behave.

With my siblings I'd buy small thoughtful gifts for them & their DC. They'd buy nothing, or do sporadically or forget ... I had to learn that they didn't place the same value on gift-giving I did. They didn't really care either about my gifts! Now I get fewer gifts & know it's the right way to be.

You’ve very clearly come on this thread to tell me I have no right to feel anything other than completely delighted my child has received nothing from someone I thought was a good friend.

and there we go again with the faux naivety

my view is explicit. it is rude of the parents of the guest. and thoughtless. it is not the norm (but you knew that). but no i would never ever view a close friendship differently because of this.

Mind you - only one person in your life thanks you for gifts. So perhaps you shouldn’t be too surprised this is now happening!

I also have a sibling who enjoys getting my child nothing when I diligently make sure their children receive gifts every birthday and Christmas.

”enjoys” . Really?

Yes. One of Ds's bestf's turned up for years without a card or gift. One time at the cinema he came with a bag of chocolates for himself nothing for ds. Last year of 'parties' it was him and one other boy. We went to pizza hut, arcade etc. All paid. He bought a tenner for himself to spend but still no card or gift. We always invited him because he was a nice kid and his mum was friendly. It baffles me to this day bc child and mum were never seemingly embarrassed by lack of a card. I mean, a card is 29p! Or make one. No doubt the boy will continue this in adult life because he knows no different.

It is clearly a lack of thought isn’t it? They are a busy family and as I say, I will probably feel differently as time goes on. It might be that whilst it’s not ‘normal’ it’s normal for this family and I need to accept that as an idiosyncrasy.

bag of chocolates… his mum probably soar “share with your friends!” as her parting words

£10…. “that’s for you to give the birthday boy for the arcade games”

is that a possibility?

Unless they forgot it, had a mishap, then it is v rude. Could be they came from somewhere else and left it at home and you will get it Monday, However they ought to say so.

Yes it's very rude, especially as they have money

I don’t think so, but if they do I will update the thread.

Yes, it is bad manners. But it's also very bad manners to assume that you know everyone's financial position.

On a related note - DS just started to be invited to nursery friends’ birthday parties. We normally only brought a card with a £10 gift card in it. Is this generally acceptable? I just thought if it was my DS’ birthday party I’d rather not receiving 10-20 little gifts that he doesn’t really need and we’d have to find space for them in the house

That’s more than generous 💐

It is totally a lack of thought but mum was always breezily. As i said it will be entirely normal for her kids niy to gift. Tbh my ds never noticed and he's such a nice lad. They're 18 now and if i pass him he always says 'Hi Bbq1".

You would think so but she dropped him off at the cinema and said "There's chocolates for him to eat during the film". The £10 i dk but very much doubt it as he produced it halfway through the day. It also doesn't explain the other 6 parties..

Op, it is rubbish and steal but we decided it wasn't a deal breaker for us in this case so you just have to decide if it is for you or not/how close the friendship is.

Not ideal. I can't edit

Ffs seriously?? It's nothing other than bloody rude to turn up empty handed, can't afford it then don't go. Like if you can't afford to buy a round of drinks, don't accept one, but you'll always get the CF (s) who do..

It's not entitled to expect a gift, it's entitled if you expect that gift to be of a certain monetary value though.

And I'm sure the OP knows enough about her friends that they can afford to stick a few quid in a card..no excuse in this case I'm afraid..

Its bad manners.Im not well off but would never do this.
I would be like you,I would feel hurt on my childs behalf,nothing wrong with young children having parties and looking forward to gifts from their friends,no matter how inexpensive.
My son loved going choosing gifts for friends birthdays too.He loved telling me what they would like.
Its good to learn social interaction and manners at a young age .

If a DC's parents can't afford a gift the DC could make a homemade card/drawing.

We had 26 kids at my daughters soft play party (she's sept baby so it was nursery and reception together)
I wouldn't have noticed (or cared) if people didn't bring a gift and neither did she.
I did notice that someone brought a book and where it says 'this book belongs to' had been covered over with thick black pen. I think that family disbt have the money to buy a gift and the child chose one of their own. Made me happy and sad at the same time.
I did notice when my own sibling didn't bring anything to my 40th, that's a poor show!