Matthew Perry buried already?

[CherieBabySpliffUp]

I don't mean this to be an insensitive question but why has Matthew Perry been buried so quickly? Is it customary in America? Admittedly it was nearly 20 years ago but when a family member died unexpectedly at home in the UK we had to wait over a month before the body was released.

Do bereaved have to go back to work and "normal" life whilst waiting for the funeral? If so that is truly awful.

When my dad died earlier this year we had a 7 week wait for a cremation slot. Its just the usual UK shitty service. Other countries manage things better.

Who knows. We needed a decent amount of time to allow family to travel from around the world so I wouldn’t have wanted a quick burial.

Yes I was coming on to say this. Buried on the 3rd day after death here.

They do it within 24 hrs of death usually.

Waiting a month to bury a body is grim. Bodies should be buried as soon as possible so not too soon at all.

In Australia here, my experience has been usually a few days. I’m trying to remember funeral invoices and, from memory, I think you get 3 days ‘storage’ included and then it’s a high price per day. So it’s better to die at the beginning of the week. We had one die on a Friday, funeral was on Tuesday and I recall we had an extra fee.

It was very usual in the UK for a person to be buried/cremated a week or so after death. The pandemic changed that and it has stayed a much longer period. My dad was cremated 4 days after his death and my mam 5 days after hers before the pandemic. In Ireland it is an even shorter period-often 48 hours. I don't know why it is now so much longer in the UK.

Normal everywhere but England (and maybe Wales, no experience there) It takes a ridiculous amount of time for burials or cremation in England

In Ireland, the removal & funeral are within the week.

Only in the UK it takes week to bury people . Most countries is inky a few days after their death

As others have said, it's about 3 days here in NI. When my mum died in July, we had to wait an extra few days for various logistical reasons to do with reopening my dad's grave and it was all anybody talked about - remarking on how awful it was that we had to wait a week to bury her.

I think it makes it easier in some ways. In the 1980s when I started attending funerals it was very church orientated and the same service at each funeral. Later funerals from 2005 onwards have been crematorium based without a vicar or priest and very varied in style. I think the delay allows for the planning, writing a eulogy, sorting music, sourcing photographs and the smaller individual details for a much more personalised funeral. Time can be taken for the proceedings to be just right, rather than trying to rush things within a week.

Everything in England has gone to shit since this Tory government in 2010 and post-covid. We live in a country that can not get anything right and has high standards in absolutely nothing. We went for a walk with the DC this morning along Roker promenade in Sunderland. The whole prom has a 'rubber' sealant coming out if a gap between the prom and the edging. Why in earth are we putting 'rubber' as a gap filler between a concrete prom and concrete edging? Why isn't it concrete? It's just cheap, shoddy, polluting shit, quickly and badly done by unskilled workmen- which sums up England today.

People attending every funeral going (in Ireland ) are generally retired. Though often funerals are held in two parts - one usually in the evening - so people will often attend one part if not family and work won't allow to attend both.

And as to how family arrange travel, childcare etc - we just do. I'm Irish living in England, no immediate family help on call other than DH, and I have always managed to make it back for family funerals. DH and the various employers I've had have always accommodated. It's just the way it is and we make it work.

I find it awful and shocking that because most people are atheists or Christians it's deemed OK for them to wait a month but no for Jewish or Muslim families when the reason their religion has those rules is a human one that affects all of us. That is discrimination, if an atheist wants to be buried within 3 days and they can do it for religious reasons they can't just prioritise those people over others. I find that so so shocking.

It’s strange but the community step in. clubs and brothers hood societies etc lend chairs, tea facilities etc.the funeral directors will oversee much of it. Most work place allow the family 3 days. The wake is a brilliant opportunity for people to pay their respects.

It’s an American thing. I live here and have found it quite galling at times, for example, we know a family whose 8 year old died in a freak accident at home and she was buried and the wake was held all within a week! It was so shocking to me. But my American husband finds the UK system where it took nearly 6 weeks for my Grandad’s funeral (and we knew the cause of death as he died in hospital) just awful! I think there’s pros/cons to both but I find the long wait for a funeral really dreadful tbh.

It wasn't the pandemic. My DH died long before then, and it was nearly four weeks between his death and the first crem slot.

I don't know why it is now so much longer in the UK.

in 1960 there were 150 crematoriums and in 2023 there are 310. But in 1960 only 35% of the population requested a cremation whereas in 2023 nearly 80% request a cremation. (North Ireland cremation rates are 22%)

With 543000 cremations taking place in 2021 compared to half a million deaths in 1960 but only 34% being cremated - that is the reason cremations in England take much longer to arrange and in NI with only 22% of funerals being cremations its much swifter to arrange as people will often already have a plot organised to be buried

Thank you so much for your kind post.

It pains me that most people now have to go through similar. It really is hard to be in limbo for so long

I'll just add my experiences.

I'm Irish decent. Funerals are almost too fast but in some way they get you through the first awful days as you have to organise things. Typically they are done within 3 days, I think 5 would be better or within a week. I remember a close relative dying and having to deal with the priest about hymns and I honestly felt like screaming.

Another close relative died in the UK, it was beyond awful. A full month wait and the body had been released to the undertakers within a few days. I think it's inhumane how long it takes. Most of the time, even with coroners being involved etc that the body can be released quite quick and an interim death cert can be issued to allow the funeral.

I find funerals in the UK to be very lonely and private. Irish funerals are very much the opposite and not very private. If someone dies within a community, you will see a lot of people. I really appreciated that at the time. Lots of people, lots of goodwill, lots of support. Although we did have someone at a relatives funeral who no one knew and he had a right good load of food and drink! We had to laugh.

In our family we very much involve the children in death. My kids have seen their grandad. Death is very hidden and taboo in lots of ways, I think we need to change that as a society. It's part of life sadly.

i think it’s more pensioners go to ever funeral. Work places allow you out to attend funerals. Also people are waked 2 days prior which allows for people to pay their respects

I think cremation funerals are increasingly popular and crematoria are very stretched. It can be like an assembly line at some of them, with the 30-minute slots for the service. i've seen hearses queued up outside for the next cremation and even the one after that.
I don't think the delays are necessarily down to the undertakers, they are geared up to offer a 24/7 service.
Mind you, when my aunt died, her late husband had bought a double plot in the cemetery and it was going to take over a month for them to open his grave so she could be interred with him. Lots of permissions and form-filling.
Then we found her will which expressed a wish for cremation (I reckon she had forgotten about the double plot) so she was cremated and her ashes placed on his grave.

It is far too long in the UK. We waited weeks for my grandparents' funerals.

Ireland' timescale is punchy given so many families have people abroad. But probably better for mental health.