Matthew Perry buried already?

[CherieBabySpliffUp]

I don't mean this to be an insensitive question but why has Matthew Perry been buried so quickly? Is it customary in America? Admittedly it was nearly 20 years ago but when a family member died unexpectedly at home in the UK we had to wait over a month before the body was released.

Yes, the first few days you are in shock even if it's expected. I can't imagine trying to write a eulogy within hours of someone dying, surely you need to be thinking clearly to do the person justice? Do people have things like that already done like newspapers have obituaries written for famous people before they die?

I'm in Ireland. My friend's mother died on a Friday morning, wake that evening and buried on Saturday morning. Under 24 hours. This was before C19.

Sorry, some cross posting with @MikeRafonefrom me there.

I agree with this when my dad died ( outskirts of london just before xmas) we had to wait a month, was told by funeral directors other faiths are fast tracked and arent left waiting as long and even have weekend burials, this option wasnt open to us.
From my ( thankfully limited) experience wait for burial or cremation in london outskirts is around 3 weeks and has been this long for many years.

Yes we had that one time too. An older person died that morning, wake that night, buried the next day. I found it very fast and I was a bit shocked.

You do manage to write a eulogy for an Irish funeral. I did one. To be honest there was emotion involved but it came from the heart. I think because I hadn't too much time to think about it that it was actually a more human eulogy and not rehearsed.

My mum died suddenly so we had to wait for the PM. It was 4 weeks exactly between death and funeral which was excruciating (although I don't think having the funeral sooner would have helped much after such a unexpected and sudden death)

I'm guessing you're based in England @CherieBabySpliffUp ?

I was shocked at how long England take to have funerals, to the point I find it gross. I'm from the UK, Northern Ireland and depending on your religion, will either have funeral 2, 3 or 7 days after death. My relatives always buried 2-3 days after death.

In England I find it takes a minimum of 3 weeks, sometimes over a month. So gross. I have no idea why it takes so long, but I sure hope I don't die in England as I want to be buried in Northern Ireland on day 2 or 3.

Scotland here. Between us DH & I have had to organise 5 cremations/ funerals ( over a number of years). Never been longer than 1 week, latest was last year.

It was suggested last year that we wait while deceased’s friends had their holiday 🙄, but that did not work for the family so friends had to miss it.

A week is long enough , if family do not have to travel far. There is definitely an element of limbo while waiting; it feels a bit unseemly to start clearing out homes etc while the deceased is waiting to rest, and many people need the funeral to actually begin to come to terms with it,

Relatives living in England have expressed surprise at the indecent haste, but it’s what we are used to.

In many cultures they bury the dead within 24 hours.

Just before COVID, my mother died on December 8th. We weren't able to have her cremation until January 3rd. It was such a terrible time.
We take far too long in England. It can be so distressing.

I also know if you want 9am on a Tuesday morning, you're more likely to get a funeral a few days after death. Most people arranging a funeral will have a late morning service to allow for relatives and friends to travel from further afield, Fridays and Monday are also more requested days. Therefore it can be down to those making the arrangements as to how long they are willing to wait to get the time and day they feel best

I suggest that was unusual and may have been due to a local circumstance.

I am in support of the gap- sudden and unexpected death required time to get over the initial shock and trauma before having to start with decision making and admin.

We wanted to get everything just right, so it was nice to have time to plan and chose funeral director, burial plot, clothing, readings, hymns, flowers, coffin, pictures, wake etc etc.

It was like planning a wedding. I can't imagine doing that in 3 days, especially with trauma involved.

Although having learnt from this experience, I have planned my hymns and readings etc already to take away the pressure.

I thought the standard is approximately till one week after death?

My best friend died in Donegal. Died on Thursday about lunchtime (very unexpectedly), buried Saturday morning.

When lost a parent and it was was 4 weeks. I will say that it was a burial and we had to buy the plot, meet with vicar etc. It gave us time come together as a family and time to organise the send off they wanted. We were also able to visit the chapel of rest multiple times.
It was overwhelming at the time but in my own personal experience, I was glad of the time I got to say goodbye.
Everyone is different though and obviously I do not speak for anyone else, but I was also surprised at the speed of his funeral

Yes I think this is more waiting for people to arrive for the funeral.
My dad died in March, as he was pretty much a hermit in his last 20 years I knew not many would want to attend. He was also riddled with cancers so it wasnt unexpected. So 5 days after the death he was cremated.
If he had been fit and well, it would have been longer with waiting for an autopsy. If he had any friends left then I would have waited a week for them to get here.

Where I live in South Lincolnshire it's usually a wait of about 3/4 weeks for cremation in my experience. More people are being cremated than buried and our local (up to 30 miles away)crematoriums can't cope despite a new one being built a few years ago.I remember when burials were more the norm and it was around 5/6 days from death to the funeral.

My Dad died in late March 2021 and his funeral (cremation) was just over 2 weeks after that.

That was OK for us, although I do understand those who would prefer it sooner, and I personally wouldn't have wanted it to be any later.

In some cultures funerals are very quick after the death. There are pluses and minuses to both methods in my view.

This isn't a UK system, the very long wait for funerals appears to only be an English thing. The rest of the UK do it quickly, same as America.

I will say I like that there was time to sort everything. Throwing a big even in no time is stressful and feels a bit like not caring to put the time in.

I would hate to do it sub 1 week personally. For my mams I hand made all the funeral flowers etc... (I didn't want to just get some random person to make something generic) so had to order stuff to be delivered + the time to make it.

The body also sat for visitors in the chapel of rest for a week because not everyone (important family) could go at the same time + people want privacy to say goodbye not to be on top of each other.

I do think sometimes it takes way too long, like when I had my MMC the hospital offered to host a free cremation for us (we didn't expect it as we thought it was only for stillborns) and we appreciate it and no I can't really complain much.

However I was induced and he was born on the 13th of February and the funeral was March 20th (over 5 weeks later) which felt way to long but apparently the hospitals admin who deals with bookings took a holiday (no one filled in) and created a backlog.

But I don't personally think I would like it if it was only a few days between death and funeral. I think 2-3 weeks gives time to inform everyone, get over the shock, say goodbye, sort everything out for the funeral (outfit for deceased, music, flowers, eulogy, admin etc...). I don't really care about clearing out houses or starting the probate like PP mentioned (a rush to do that feels really crass).

My dad died in Ireland on a Tuesday evening, we had the wake on the Wednesday evening and he was buried the Thursday morning. In a way it was a good thing to not be waiting around in limbo but in another I feel like the reality of it didn't hit me for weeks. I don't know which is better, too fast or too long a wait. I suppose whether or not the death was expected comes into it too.

Dad's took a month because a close family member had booked a holiday and we had to wait for them to come back. It was also near Easter. It was awful for me but I think my Mother couldn't face arranging it sooner anyway (although I don't think waiting was good).

I was upset about the holiday particularly as they booked it knowing Dad had got probably weeks to live.

I hated thinking about Dad in the funeral home all that time. It's sad. I even had a look on Google Street view to see where he was. That probably sounds weird but I live some distance away and I just wanted to see where he was.

here in Ireland it's over and done with in three days. only if there is a post mortem it would be slightly longer. max a week though. funerals can be huge here. my father in laws one was massive. people are very good to you. the amount of food left on our doorsteps was unreal. my boss mother died there lats year the whole department was allowed off to attend the funeral along with many other people in other departments. never ever had issues getting time off for a funeral. always make tye effort.
grandfather died in Ireland and he wanted to be buried owth his wife in UK. so we had a funeral here in Ireland then two and a half weeks later went to UK for his second funeral. it was a very long drawn out process and doesn't help with grief. went to an aunts funeral in UK recently she has lived in her street for 50 years. however her funeral was the tiniest I eve been too. think if you took the Irish relations out hardly anyone at it. really felt for her and as an Irish person it felt very weird

Maybe this is it for me too because bar 2 grandparents everyone I know that died died either young and suddenly (car crash, heart attack, sepsis, sids etc...) the only one with warning was the cancer death but still it was only 9 months to come to terms and still with the hope chemo would work.

Maybe if someone is 80 and been sliding downwards for years and everything is (slightly morbidly) pre-planned and ready to go then its not as much but I know very few people who died like that.