Matthew Perry buried already?

[CherieBabySpliffUp]

I don't mean this to be an insensitive question but why has Matthew Perry been buried so quickly? Is it customary in America? Admittedly it was nearly 20 years ago but when a family member died unexpectedly at home in the UK we had to wait over a month before the body was released.

Many years before Covid, my mother died in London nine days before Christmas, and her funeral Mass and burial could only be arranged for the second week in January. As you say, it was horrible to be in limbo like that, and particularly at that time of year.

Anything more than a week is very cruel on the bereaved I think. I often wonder how relatives are expected to go back to normal life like go to work etc. during the period between death and funeral/burial/cremation. That is awfully cruel IMV. I wouldn't be able to do it myself.

Irish descent here. Relatives who have died back in Ireland are waked either in the funeral home, or in their own home and the actual funeral usually is between 3 days or max a week, to allow far flung relatives to return.

The "wake" in Ireland is BEFORE the funeral, where the deceased rests either in the funeral home or in their own home and folk come to pay their respects (often great gatherings of stories, song and a few drinkies and food galore), a great tradition IMV.

There is usually a reception after the burial etc. in a restaurant, pub or hotel, depending on the numbers attending. All are usually welcome. Free grub if you attend! The venue is usually announced by the priest/celebrant. I suppose if the family don't want all and sundry turning up they will pass the details on by word of mouth, although it is expected that anyone attending the actual graveyard/crem will partake of refreshments afterwards. Funerals are a big thing in Ireland, and they are quick too!

My grandmother was buried within 25 hours And it was during covid. Totally the norm in some faiths and so so much better.

It’s also I think more usual here that kids do attend funerals, wakes etc. I do think that’s better. Death is sad and scary of course for kids but hiding it away makes it more so. And life goes on. They need to see that.

I was quite shocked when I moved here and found that funerals were often held 3-4 weeks or even longer since the person died.
Most funerals where I’m from are held within the week. I couldn’t imagine having to wait over a week before the funeral but it seems the norm here.
(I work in palliative care here so hear a lot about funerals)

Sorry that was in response to the ‘sorting childcare’ comments re short notice funerals!

Most employers allow for paid bereavement leave, any where from 2 to 30 dependent on how close you were to the deceased.

Not a rural, small community thing at all.

When my Dad died, the delay came with registering his death - we waited 5 days for the GP to issue a death certificate then it was another 2 weeks for cremation even though it was an unattended/private one.

The true horror was then waiting nearly 5 months to inter his ashes - that nearly broke me as we hadn't had a funeral, this was the service we were waiting for.

It really isn’t difficult at all. Time of work, childcare arrangement etc. happen without issue if someone needs to attend a funeral.
Certainly here in Ireland anyway, the whole parish usual comes out for funerals and no one is ever inconvenienced by it.

It's the same in the US, especially in the South where I live. The culture around funerals here is that you go, often even if it's someone you don't know very well if you know the family. I've been to funerals of people I haven't met because I worked closely with one of their children. Also childcare is not often an issue because children often attend funerals where I live or there will be a daycare set up at the church or other venue.

I’m the opposite. I can’t imagine anything worse than the limbo between death and funeral lasting so long

It's just the norm so people tend to be flexible. In most office type jobs you'd just say you would be in late because of a funeral, maybe make the time up depending on the job. Because we all go to funerals of people we know, friends' family members etc no one thinks anything strange of it. I'm from Dublin so not rural at all, but it's still the norm. If someone like a nurse or teacher wasn't able to make an acquaintance's funeral they would likely go to the wake or removal the night before, but if it was someone they were close to then I imagine someone would cover. It does tend to be a very give and take situation, people are happy to step up.

When it's a close family member, the funeral won't happen until the close family is home - obviously very normal for Irish families to have people living abroad. But again, a quick funeral is the norm so people would automatically be booking flights as soon as they get the news.

Well, in the Middle East (I lived there for 13 years) a quick burial would traditionally have been necessary - dead bodies would very soon stink in that heat!

back in the 1980s in the uk it was very normal to have a burial or cremation within 5 days of a death.

In recent years with a population boom (1940s boomers are now dying rapidly) and not enough crematoriums built to keep up with demands, that it means waiting 3-4 weeks in some cases for a suitable slot at the crem for a funeral

I'm in Scotland and there was a three week wait for my grandad's funeral when he died five years ago. He was very old and unwell so no investigation required.

He died in very early January though, so I presume the delay was due to an administrative backlog from the Christmas period.

He has an Autopsy the day after he died and the (inconclusive) report was released the day after - incredibly quickly

This.

My dm was referred to Coroner and we had to wait for test results to find out cause of death but her body was still released to us within the week. The Funeral Directors were amazing and would have done it within days but we had to wait another 2.5 for the council to get their finger out and find a slot. It’s a fucking disgrace.

@LovePoppy agreed!
Where I'm from 5 days after death is the norm.
In my eyes a good amount of time to organise but also not to long so the real mourning can begin after the funeral.
It also makes it possible to have the deceased at home.
I can't imagine knowing your loved one is lying in a refrigerator for a month before burial.

My mum was buried about a month after she died! tbf I seem to recall there was a week that was out bc of a prior commitment by family members, but we needed to coordinate church and crem and also Holy Week made timings tricky. I feel like that was longer than usual but even then, a fortnight is pretty normal in England IME.

@Erber please don't use that term when talking about suicide. It's not been a crime in the UK since the 1960s. Better to say "died by suicide" or "took his life" thanks.

I am so sorry for you loss @saraclara and that you had a prolonged wait afterwards. I can’t imagine how distressing it must have been for you.

It use dtonbe my mum in the 80s could say if someone she knew died on say a Friday the funeral would likely be Tuesday or Wednesday. Etc

You will probably find that we are not the norm and are shockingly slow which is very sad.
I find it disrespectful for the deceased and the family members who need closure.

I hope I don’t get the wording wrong.

As you’ve mentioned such a recent loss, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear of your sad loss.

Perhaps I’m unusual, but I actually prefer more of a “delay”- I’ve found it gives me time to get over the initial shock and cope better on the day and in the aftermath, rather than getting it “done and dusted”. Not sure I’d have managed to go to a funeral only a week later for my last two. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to get over and done with.

I think there's a level of trust when it comes to funerals. It's common and expected that people will need to attend.
I am sure that people in professions where they can't be covered would take care about not attending "uncle of old school friend you haven't for twenty years" funerals but I talk to people a lot who attend funerals of old colleagues, parents of friends, etc and never mention any problems with work.
Different in England, I attended the funeral of my close friend's father, and a whole load of people in her circle couldn't get time off work to go.

This!

Almost all cultures have a rule about burying the dead fast. In Britain, even when you’re dead, you have to queue. I don’t wanna be put in a fridge for a month, or worse, embalmed 🤢 I just wanna get in ground and start the process of returning to nature.

When I buried my cat I did it within 15 hrs and she already did not smell so good.