Do you do stuff to deliberately annoy others?

[EveSix]

Just read a comment on a different thread where a poster stated that as they realised other posters found a particular action irritating (something quite inconsequential, but annoying to some), said poster said they felt inclined to do this thing more frequently. A subsequent poster immediately agreed.

It doesn't really matter what it was (but for full disclosure, it was about MN quoting etiquette) as this thread isn't about that, but more generally: do you find that you purposely do things because you know it annoys or irritates others? If so, what is it about for you?

I'm not talking about things which are necessary for you to do but which may disturb someone else for instance -like get up for a wee in the night-, but things which are of no consequence to you, but which you might go out of your way to do because you know a specific person will notice it and feel aggrieved.

DP couldn't give two hoots which way the looroll goes on, but because he knows I like it a certain way, he puts fresh rolls on the opposite way. Just because.

In my workplace, one cleaner knows the caretaker does a particular task in a certain order, and deliberately does a seemingly insignificant thing which means that, once a week, the caretaker's routine is disrupted. Just because.

I can't wrap my head around it and am really curious as to what the motivation is?

No, because I’m not an arsehole! I assume those types of people are mentally unwell or have very low self-esteem.

Aaah yes but who is the judge of which stuff crosses the line?

I guess it’s a self depreciating humour, you find it funny to make yourself look like you lack social skills. Fair enough. If you find it amusing to make yourself look like this, make yourself look like this. It’s all about you.

I can’t see remotely why anyone would find it annoying. I certainly wouldn’t, and don’t know anyone who would. We’d just feel you were out of your depth and didn’t know how to behave, maybe cringe a little for you. But that’s it. Certainly no annoyance. The only people I could see who would be annoyed would be a partner or parents.

My boyfriend was on a different table but when I told him I’d been seated with Nonce & The Boomers and what I’d done he also found it funny. Honestly, there’s a lot of analysis going on here but it’s really not that deep. I’ve given it more thought on this thread than I have before, during, or since the bloody dinner! My original comment was meant to convey it was some light hearted silliness that ultimately affected no one beyond maybe an eye roll. I didn’t put any thought into it or pre-plan it. It just felt amusing to me at the time to do it in response to the environment. I guess I have a tendency to be silly and mess about and I’m not concerned with how others perceive me.

Its not the same level as “annoying others” as the person upthread whose relative rubs meat on vegetarian food, that’s just malicious and there was no malice or even real intention there. I didn’t sit there thinking “I hope everyone’s annoyed”, it was more, this whole thing is stuffy and stupid, there’s a literal sex offender next to me, it can’t get any worse so I might as well amuse myself. If I saw someone else behaving similarly I personally would assume they were doing it knowingly to lighten the mood and I would find it funny and gravitate to that person. I think it was pretty obvious I was doing it as “a bit” and it wasn’t just cluelessness about social etiquette. That’s just my humour, obviously not everyone finds the same things funny.

Well quite, everyone will have their own line as this thread has demonstrated but for me personally this crosses from being a gentle wind-up to nastiness.

I just find this rude. Why would you deliberately make yourself look and sound boorish?

I get annoyed by people all the time so I know how it feels, I therefore try my best to avoid annoying others... Well.... Except my kid, she gets annoyed by me everyday. Tickling, squeezing knees, poking in the sides when she's not looking, asking her not to leave a plate in her room so long that it grown intelligent life, that sort of thing.

But OP, have to say, anyone that thinks,
"I'll do this because it'll annoy insert name"
is a petty little arsehole that in no way could render my loins as moist.

Because I thought it was funny and ultimately it didn’t harm anyone? it’s a good way of finding people on your wavelength too. If I witnessed someone doing that at a posh dinner I’d think ah yes, there’s someone on my level who also thinks this is nonsense, I’d go and join them and have an enjoyable performatively uncouth night together.

I think folks are just confused as it is not annoying behaviour and that’s the subject of the thread. I understand you wished to make yourself look bad as it is something you find personally funny and your boyfriend at the time also appreciated it when you made yourself look uncouth and lacking social skills, but again, it’s not annoying to others generally.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you are definatly the person I would want to sit next to at a dinner party .👍

….ok? Like I said it wasn’t my sole aim to annoy people, it was to amuse myself in a weird situation. You’re very keen to emphasise the “lacking in social skills” like that’s something that should make me rethink this but like I said I don’t really care! I don’t notice or care about other people’s table manners unless they’re so egregious that they’re slobbering food down their front or spraying flecks of spit when they talk. If people really care about someone pouring the remnants of one wine into another to the point they’d think goodness how uncouth I’d just think they should find some better things to bother about. The “this would make a cracking spoons” was quite obviously a joke. But also newsflash, different people find different things funny!

@TedMullins maybe your sense of "humor" is the reason you ended up with the boomers and the nonces. To be honest I don't know why you're trying to make a point because your behaviour doesn't sound deliberately annoying or rebellious, it just sounds like you want people to think you're a bit stupid.

Wow , so having a sense of humour is now unacceptable, Jesus ! . So would the NONCE be more accepted at the table because he's using the correct fucking fork ?? .

Considering I’d never met neither the nonce, the boomers or the person responsible for the seating plan, unlikely

😂😂😂 literally just said this to my boyfriend as we chortle at the outrage on this thread

Do you actually think people do the kids marriage house thing to fit in? Each of those things (if going well) provides intrinsic satisfaction - being in a loving, committed and supportive relationship is nice, having children fulfils biological desires, and owning your home gives a feeling of security, with a detached house meaning less chance of neighbour disputes/disruption. IMO most people want these things purely because most people would like the intrinsic pleasure that comes from having them, not for external validation.

What I find absolutely hilarious is the posters who are tying themselves in knots trying to analyse why @TedMullins doesn't run with the herd .

@Spermscarecrow I find it hilarious that @TedMullins seems to have opened a new account for the sole purpose of giving herself a pat on the head.

Are you including my post in that @Spermscarecrow ? I don’t know anything about Ted and I’m sure she’s chosen whatever life choices are best for her. I was just trying to say that often the most common option isn’t the most common because people want to choose the same thing as others, but because it inherently provides pleasure to the most people. Eg no one likes chocolate because it’s popular, most people like it because it is pleasing to most people’s taste buds!

Are we speaking in tongues? 🤣

No. I hate pettiness. I believe in trying to make other people's lives easier if I can.

A new account? I've been here for years mate. I haven't even changed my username!

Yes, I do think for many people there is a big element of it just being "the done thing". There are a lot of posts on Mumsnet from women who say that on reflection they wouldn't have married the man they did, wouldn't have had kids with him or at all, wouldn't have given up their career, but felt it was 'the done thing' or worried that if they went against societal norms people would judge them for not fulfilling their role as a woman properly. There are people here who are single and childless not by choice, and feel a failure because of it not just for personal reasons, but because of how they feel society perceives them. In a society where one type of lifestyle is lauded and others denigrated (again, many people on here consider it "immature" not to want to do those things) some people find that fear of judgement or standing out makes them conform rather than interrogating what they really want from life.

I am in a wonderful, committed and supportive relationship but we're also non-monogamous in that if we happen to meet someone else we fancy, we have each other's blessing to act on it, because I don't see why being in a relationship should preclude us from indulging in desires for other people if they happen; I don't want to get married because I'm uncomfortable with its patriarchal history, I don't want children/don't feel the biological desire, and I prefer living in a flat in the city because it's so much easier to clean and I like the convenience of public transport and everything being on my doorstep. Couldn't think of anything worse than a detached in the suburbs. But yes, I do think many (not all) people go along with that lifestyle because of expectations rather than actually wanting it.

Edited to add this isn't just my opinion, there are studies into reasons for comformity https://www.britannica.com/topic/conformity/Normative-influence

@TedMullins why don't you start a thread about whatever it is you want to talk about? Which seems to be just yourself and how fascinating you are?

I mean, I am pretty fascinating, but I'm just answering people's questions. Why don't you read something else if it annoys you?