Do you do stuff to deliberately annoy others?

[EveSix]

Just read a comment on a different thread where a poster stated that as they realised other posters found a particular action irritating (something quite inconsequential, but annoying to some), said poster said they felt inclined to do this thing more frequently. A subsequent poster immediately agreed.

It doesn't really matter what it was (but for full disclosure, it was about MN quoting etiquette) as this thread isn't about that, but more generally: do you find that you purposely do things because you know it annoys or irritates others? If so, what is it about for you?

I'm not talking about things which are necessary for you to do but which may disturb someone else for instance -like get up for a wee in the night-, but things which are of no consequence to you, but which you might go out of your way to do because you know a specific person will notice it and feel aggrieved.

DP couldn't give two hoots which way the looroll goes on, but because he knows I like it a certain way, he puts fresh rolls on the opposite way. Just because.

In my workplace, one cleaner knows the caretaker does a particular task in a certain order, and deliberately does a seemingly insignificant thing which means that, once a week, the caretaker's routine is disrupted. Just because.

I can't wrap my head around it and am really curious as to what the motivation is?

Not so much to people, but I do bear a grudge with a few companies. For example I have a bank account with a bank that did something petty to me that caused me lots of issues. I mainly use another bank now but maintain the original account and pay a penny into it every month. I presume they don't care but I like to think it's annoying.

I should let it go but I'm a thrawn cow. 😁

No, me and DH were having problems and went for one therapy session which was rubbish, but the only good thing we realised is that we don't do things on purpose to wind each other up.

Haha, I say that about crocs and the holes 😂
It wouldn't annoy me if somebody wore them though? I'd just think you were unfashionable 😂

I’m not sure what you mean? I do it because it makes me laugh.

I’m way over on the opposite end of the spectrum, I take ten minutes to close a door because my mother doesn’t like doors slamming, I don’t raise my voice so as not to disturb anyone, I’ll even make extra effort to walk and turn pages quietly. It’s a result of my upbringing and can end up being counterproductive, eg I surprise people by walking up behind them and sometimes people find it hard to hear/understand me.

My parents will do this on a minor scale but I don’t think it’s about just annoying others, it’s more about proving themselves right eg about how cupboards are arranged (a point of contention here). My boyfriend and some of my friends will be annoying on purpose but only in a minor, jokey way because they know I’ll get wound up, as soon as I’m taking it too seriously they stop. I think the latter is a much less harmful/spiteful thing to do than playing a scary or embarrassing prank and I’m self-aware enough to know they find it amusing that I’m easy to wind up. As long as everything is in good humour, I wouldn’t say that’s being a prick or whatever.

Yes sometimes if I think the “thing” the other person hates is ridiculous (take the table manners thread for instance, the pea-balancing militants would definitely make me want to shovel my fork full of peas if I was out for dinner with them). I had to go to a posh black tie dinner once where I ended up on a table with the most boring stuffy arseholes so I started doing things like pouring one glass of wine into another glass of different wine (my own wines, they served a different glass with every meal, I wasn’t messing about with anyone else’s drink) and saying “ha who cares it all gets you pissed in the end!” and saying the opulent room we were in would make a great Wetherspoons. For my own entertainment really, I found it very funny.

You're allowing their opinion to change your behaviour by wearing them every time you see them.

You really shouldn't allow anyone to have that kind of hold on you.

Is there opinion really that important?

Good question OP, I've wondered the same thing.

Any MN thread about someone's neighbour complaining about their noise is usually full of arseholes saying they'd be deliberately making loads of noise to piss neighbour off. I just don't get it but it's made me realise that lots of people are really petty and immature. It must be exhausting holding grudges like that.

Oh and I had a very controlling sexist ex. Had all sorts of stupid opinions on women’s clothing and behaviour. I had a huge (and admittedly hideous) vintage cardigan that he hated and asked me not to wear so I pointedly put it on every day over whatever my outfit was, regardless of whether it matched. I hid it in his car once and in the bed so it was like it was haunting him.

I’m wondering if in most cases the annoyer just feels superior?

My ex could be very contrary and hated being told no. He once made a fuss because the pub stopped taking orders for food 5 minutes before they closed for lunch. But the thing is we weren’t going there for lunch, just a quick drink.

He also believed in reverse psychology. Any time he wanted our Dd to do/not do something he would suggest that we just tell her the opposite. I knew that neither my Dd or I operated like that, but he obviously did.

I think these must be people that don’t like being told what to do. So it becomes a passive aggressive thing.

No

Yes I think there are people who have an innate need to rebel, I’m one of them. I’ve no idea why. I remember my mum saying I was great at French and should do it for A level so my instinctive reaction was to say “well now you’ve said that, I won’t be doing it” and I didn’t. I probably should’ve done it but I wanted everything to be my choice, not anyone else’s. That one was stupid of me. On the plus side I think it allows me not to care about what others think of me and to have the courage of my convictions in following my own path. I’m not a people pleaser. I find it weird that so many people aspire to the very conventional “marriage kids detached house” life because to me validation comes from NOT being like everyone else rather than quietly fitting in.

But it annoys him and I want to annoy him.

Yeah I do love to do small things that wind people up. I am a natural troll. I tease my children and in return now they tease me back.

but it is only small things, and I also do a lot of nice things for people.

But it’s like an inner small demon.

This thread is very eye opening. I had a friend like this. Doubt she did it to anyone else but she did it to me constantly. She is very bitter and spiteful and I'm glad to not be around her anymore, didn't want her passive aggression.

Because they get annoyed about silly, petty things? Which can get tiresome?

@Isheabastard I think most people hate being told no or controlled for one reason or another. There’s a difference between doing something against the wishes of another person because you resent that (I disobeyed my controlling mother’s advice/commands re getting a job, but did it very quietly so she wouldn’t know, and I did get the job despite what she said) and doing it JUST because it annoys someone.

I once lived with a girl who used to like everything just so and we'd all get lectures and roll of eyes on something that had been left out, not put away was facing the wrong way etc etc. She once told someone I was difficult to live with because I was too chirpy and positive and had to be an act, she said I was really irritating so if I was having a bad day and I was getting a lecture I'll admit I really enjoyed laying on the 'oh but of course, oh god I can't believe I did that' smiley smiley routine.

"They got off at Taunton and I swear he gave me a look." Not sure what it is about this line, but it made me properly chuckle, Manadou.

timenowplease, you're right! It also happens on climate or environmental threads -people seem to enjoy saying they'll enjoy their flight / SUV / bottled water / 25°C thermostat setting even more knowing it'll upset the OP. Maybe it is something to do with isheabastard's thinking along the lines of people who don't like being told what to do being more likely to deliberately try to get one over on others?

TedMullins, I think that, in the case of someone being controlling, you were being healthily subversive in your cardi-flaunting! A kind of do or die context.

I don't feel aggrieved or 'got at' by DP's looroll reversal as it's not done with malice ‐he thinks of it as a little recurring prank, I think, like an 'us'-joke. But it still beats me as to how people have the energy to be contrary just for the sake of it.

Not very often and only if it's someone I really dislike who regularly disrupts my own routine (I currently work with several people like this, I have never disliked an entire team so much, they are uniformly awful). Though most of the time I just smile sweetly and fantasise about terrible fates they might meet in an Agatha Raisin novel. Or similar. And then resume my job hunt.

@TedMullins

I think there are people who have an innate need to rebel, I’m one of them. I’ve no idea why. I remember my mum saying I was great at French and should do it for A level so my instinctive reaction was to say “well now you’ve said that, I won’t be doing it” and I didn’t.

Met too. Since about the age of 7, if my father had an opinion about something, I'd have the opposite one, and if he wanted me to do something, I really didn't want to do it. There wasn't much nose-cutting-off-to-spite-my-face, though, because mostly he believed, and wanted me to do, stupid things.

Except he wanted me to do maths, so guess what? I used to get between 0% and 5% in termly exams at school, much to the teachers' surprise. I taught myself calculus when I was 40. Go figure (!)

Not at all. I'm not like that. I do know people like that though.

Just as a small example my sister does like to serve up food and drink she knows I dislike and then make an issue of it.

Every Christmas she used to make a huge Christmas cake. Fine but she knows I don't like fruit cake. I never did. She also buys mulled wine for Christmas and I hate the stuff.

Every year she singles me out for comments as to why I'm not eating drinking it when she knows I don't like either. I don't know what she gets out of it.

TedMullins, just seen your update re rebellion. So interesting.

I agree with this. I will quietly be influenced to do something for myself that's the opposite to what I'm told by other people, but that's me exerting control over my situation as a fuck you to them.

On the rare occasion I do something to someone else that I know annoys them, I'm doing it to annoy them because I don't like them. Thinking of my ex here. Perhaps awful people I've worked with in the past, but it's rare. I don't go out of my way to annoy people for my own pleasure or to feel better than them.

I live with OCD and my DH has a couple of things he does because it's funny , nothing serious just little things 😂 I find it funny as it helps me cope with them 😁