You’re out for a coffee, cake and people watching in a cafe, what annoys you and spoils the experience?

[Britpopbaby]

People who “talk” so loudly that even in a busy cafe you can follow their full conversation.

Passing, thunderous, explosive loud vehicle exhausts (I am looking at you, Windermere and Ambleside!), so much revving and screetching, too close for comfort.
Depends where one takes their coffee and cake though, even if it has begun to permeate rural enclaves in recent years, too.

Unpleasant staff? Can be offputting. Or tables crammed together so close that you can hear everyone's conversation.

I am imagining the rural cafe scene (Penrith?) in the film 'Withnail and I', as an 18 year old I laughed along with Withnail's diatribe against the stuffy, aging cake munching proprietors. Now, at the grand old age of 50, I might prefer to take my cake and tea (never coffee!) somewhere Jane Hickson's Miss Marple should approve of.
I've lost my punch, haven't I?

The only free table is tiny with two chairs with spindly legs that creak when you sit down. You are by the door so every time the door opens you get a cold gust of wind on your legs. People bustle past you not noticing their bags knocking against you. Someone is having a loud phone call which seems to involve him explaining how superbly well qualified he is and how great his job is. He keeps saying “yah”.

The strawberry pastry with fresh cream that cost £6.75 😡has been defrosted and the strawberries are soggy.

@Fink honestly I have no clue about the proper science behind using third person 😅, but since I started using it my son called me mummy for the first time so I’m all for it! The SALT team use third person in group settings with children who all have different conditions, in my sons’ case it’s suspected autism.

The only thing out of all these irritants is being subjected to a loud video call on speakerphone.

I don't mind kids and I love dogs.

I try not to eat cake because I'm fat.

Performance parenting is amusing to see, especially when it's a man, looking round for approval as he educates Tobias on where coffee beans come from. It's nice to see parents interacting with their children on any level instead of yelling at them to sit down and shut up.

I love eavesdropping on loud conversations and I'm still intrigued by the woman who slept with both Big John and Little John on separate occasions and didn't know which one to choose as her plus one for her sister's wedding.

Kids behaving badly, adults with unnecessarily loud voices (you know, the sort who seem to love the sound of their own voice) and people listening to devices without headphones.

"Hugo, why don't you order your croissant in mandarin, you've only been having lessons for 3 minutes and you're so good already"

I was once stuck in a cafe during a downpour that had a mummy performative singing to her children. In West London obvs.

Lukewarm coffee and loud talking

I don't enjoy those contemporary coffee shops such as Nero, Starbucks and the likes due to the horrific interior acoustics and the endless boom crash of chair scraping, door slamming, box dropping, cup clanging and that fierce, hissing geyser sound tearing my eardrums apart.

M&S used to have terrible acoustics in my town, too. Just placing a saucer on the counter sent a seismic tear through the building.

All of the above, plus... people bagging a window seat and then not looking out of the window because they are too engrossed in their conversation / working on laptop / staring at phone. Window seats should be for the sole use of those of us who like to watch the world go by.

People that are rude to the staff

I don't understand this. What's the problem with reading at the table? I do this all the time if I'm killing time somewhere by myself. There's a limit to how much it's possible to look around/take in my surroundings/people-watch etc without it looking like I'm staring at people... but not only that, I enjoy reading in cafes/pubs/wherever. I'm confused as to how it impacts anyone else?

You'd love me and my DH - we often sit in pubs and cafés reading together... (not the same book, I hasten to add - that would be weird. 😁)

My rare M&S poached eggs on toast solo lunch was entirely spoiled by a young child's device playing Wheels on the Bus on repeat. How can the parent be so unaware that they are impacting EVERYONE?

Nope, just gained a hell of a lot of class❤️

But then it’s also a problem when a parent spends the majority of their time on their phone as they’re not interacting with their child. Do people want us to interact and talk to our children or not?

This! Lol

I don’t mind loud conversations as it means I can listen in, especially if it’s a juicy one.

Although I was sat in a tiny doctors waiting room once opposite a couple who were having a huge argument and I just sat there not knowing what to do or where to look.

People working on their laptops in cafes and making/taking work calls , sometimes on loudspeaker. Just WHY?!!! It’s a cafe, not an office.

Performance parenting, badly behaved kids. People who talk in very loud voices because they have absolutely no self awareness.

Oh, I did this the other day. The cafe was about 1/3 occupied (late lunch time). I read my Kindle while eating my lunch.
One of the advantages of books and reading apps is that you don't have to sit in the library to read. I would go so far as to suggest that the paperback books has been designed with easy portability in mind.

@dancingqueef do you only read in the library?

A wobbly table or a wobbly chair.
I like listening to people and have the lucky knack of being able to phase it out if it's boring or annoying.

You've distilled parts of other people's posts into something here that isn't actually what people have said. And I suspect you know that.

We know it's your pet peeve, @dancingqueef, but I think people are genuinely interested to know why it bothers you, as reading a book isn't something that has any effect on other people. A book doesn't make a noise, smell or encroach on your space, so what is it about someone reading that annoys you?

Why does someone sitting and having a coffee in silence while reading a book annoy you more than someone sitting and having a coffee in silence while staring out of the window or looking down at the table?

What about reading a newspaper? Would that be just as bad, in your eyes? What about reading a book, but doing it via the Kindle app on a phone? Is that a problem for you or is it paper books only that incur your wrath?

And is it only in coffee shops that you hate seeing people reading a book, or do you also hate seeing people read, say, in the park or on a train? What about the cafes in Waterstone's? Is it OK to read in those cafes because they're part of a bookshop? Or do you think those things shouldn't be combined?

I get that people can't help the way they feel about things and that annoyances aren't always rational, but you must have some idea of why you have a hatred of people reading in a cafe and I'm very genuinely keen to know more.

Goodness I think a few people are mistaking a cafe for a library! I’m not sure you would survive living in central London.

I don’t think I’d call this performance parenting.

I would call this a normal conversation with your toddler, when you end up explaining everything that you’re doing to them.

Which is perhaps concerning that I don’t find anything wrong with it 😳

Surely to God reading is infinitely preferable to just about anything else! Particularly someone who is on their phone talking loudly.

I love people watching, loud talkers aren’t a problem as I like listening into other people conversations and wondering what their lives are like (sad I know) but I don’t like screaming babies or kids running around. Oh and messy eaters, people that eat like animals, though I often spill soup down me and drop food on the floor so that’s a bit hypocritical.
I went to a local farm shop for lunch with a friend today but we were seating out of the way and I couldn’t really hear anyone else talking, it was mainly full of old people, there was a lovely old lady eating a ice cream sundae, it was probably a treat as she looked like she was really enjoying it.