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Original poster

You’re out for a coffee, cake and people watching in a cafe, what annoys you and spoils the experience?

476 replies

Britpopbaby · 31/10/2023 14:50

People who “talk” so loudly that even in a busy cafe you can follow their full conversation.

OP posts:
Fink · 31/10/2023 16:25

CatMadam · 31/10/2023 15:54

I suppose I’m ‘giving a lovely performance’ whenever I’m talking to my son in public, because i narrate what’s happening and refer to myself in the third person - because his speech therapists told me to!

That's interesting about the third person @CatMadam , do you know what sort of conditions it's recommended for? I have a nickname amongst my nieces and nephews (from when they were too young to be able to say my actual name, which admittedly is quite difficult) based on the habit I have of talking about myself in the first person, where most people around them used the third person. So the eldest thought that my name was 'Me', and it stuck. I'd be interested to know if there were some scientific research behind using the third person when talking to children?

Ponderingwindow · 31/10/2023 16:25

People wearing perfume

Guesswho88 · 31/10/2023 16:25

flufferknutter · 31/10/2023 16:19

Went to a cafe today and they'd coated the chocolate cake in dessicated coconut 🤢

Who spoils a chocolate cake by adding dessicated coconut? Dirty animals.

Not so much a coffee shop thing but I hate it when people but black pepper on my steak/coleslaw/tuna. What if I was allergic? 😡Grr makes me mad just thinking about it 😅

Elphame · 31/10/2023 16:27

Children being allowed to run wild and watch screens without headphones

porridgeisbae · 31/10/2023 16:28

@MonikerBing Hey you could try and reserve a table- have you tried? It would seem wrong if you can't reserve just because it's just you. Places shouldn't be solo-ist. If they refuse, tweet at them. Smile

Fink · 31/10/2023 16:29

Salamander91 · 31/10/2023 16:17

Not something that happens regularly but I was sat next to someone having an informal job interview one time which felt really awkward.

I've had that too. I was cringing for her every time she gave a not very good answer.

Thorpurpuk · 31/10/2023 16:29

So, to clarify, for any people wondering about correct cafe etiquette, as long as you:

  • don't bring children
  • bring children, but don't let them watch tablets or phones
  • bring children, but don't let them read books
  • bring children, but don't speak to them above a whisper
  • bring children, but don't speak to them in the third person
  • don't read a book
  • joke with the staff
  • have no nose (lest the smell of food - in a cafe! - or other people wearing perfume should offend you)

You're golden!

Legendairy · 31/10/2023 16:29

Kids on their devices without headphones or running around.

flufferknutter · 31/10/2023 16:30

Lilithlogic · 31/10/2023 16:24

Surely people must hear how loud the background music is when they enter the cafe and just leave instead of putting up with it.

Yeah, we did. Sadly it was the only cafe in the village and a ten mile drive to the next cafe which always smells of wee anyway.

Kitchendisco1 · 31/10/2023 16:32

I agree with so many of these. I don’t know if it’s something to do with me but I have a very low cringe threshold for people talking to their children/ babies loudly in a cutesy/ indulgent sort of way. Or talking to them in baby language. It just makes me want to move away as fast as possible!

DowntonCrabby · 31/10/2023 16:32

People watchers.

PoisonJuicy · 31/10/2023 16:33

ElevenSeven · 31/10/2023 14:53

Parents at the next table giving a lovely performance. Hugo, would you like a babyccino? Hugo is that nice? Hugo is that yummy? You like that don’t you my darling! Mummy’s having a coffee, shall I cut you a piece of this croissant? This is lovely, isn’t it? Do you like your yummy croissant? Do you need the toilet? Let’s have our yummy croissant then go to the toilet, shall we darling?

😁

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 31/10/2023 16:33

Dogs.

viques · 31/10/2023 16:34

Thorpurpuk · 31/10/2023 16:18

Well could you speak louder next time please, because I enjoy listening to other people's conversations in cafes and you're being very inconsiderate by denying me that pleasure.

Show quote history

I once sat at the next table to Dame Maggie Smith at the Chelsea Physic garden cafe and couldn’t overhear a word she said. I felt like leaning over and saying “ Look love, you can project to the back of the stalls and up to the cheap seats without breaking sweat, I’m only at the next table, just try a bit harder please.”

pictoosh · 31/10/2023 16:35

My flat white being tepid and too milky.

Fink · 31/10/2023 16:35

Thorpurpuk · 31/10/2023 16:08

Out of interest, what pets other than dogs have you ever seen in a cafe?

Show quote history

I think it depends how wanky an area you're in. There's a café near us that's close to a vets' surgery. You get plenty of pets in there. To be fair, the non-dogs are mostly in cages or other containers. I've seen one guy with a huge snake draped over his shoulders like a shawl.

Indi23 · 31/10/2023 16:36

This thread 😂😂

I love talking to my DC. I’d just call it engaging with my child not performance parenting… if I notice anybody raising their eyebrows at me from now on I’m going completely OTT and will enjoy seeing how quickly they move away!

Fink · 31/10/2023 16:37

viques · 31/10/2023 16:34

I once sat at the next table to Dame Maggie Smith at the Chelsea Physic garden cafe and couldn’t overhear a word she said. I felt like leaning over and saying “ Look love, you can project to the back of the stalls and up to the cheap seats without breaking sweat, I’m only at the next table, just try a bit harder please.”

Show quote history

Brilliant! 😂I love her, I would have been inching my chair closer.

I sat a few tables away from Richard Wilson once. You could hear every word. There's a man who knows what the public wants. Sadly, it wasn't hugely interesting. It was about a new theatre piece he was funding/proposing. He was a lot more thespy and camp than I would have thought.

Lilithlogic · 31/10/2023 16:37

flufferknutter · 31/10/2023 16:30

Yeah, we did. Sadly it was the only cafe in the village and a ten mile drive to the next cafe which always smells of wee anyway.

Show quote history

You made me giggle then, sounds such a lovely place. I do understand my grandparents taking a flask on days out now.

greenacrylicpaint · 31/10/2023 16:38

Thorpurpuk · 31/10/2023 16:29

So, to clarify, for any people wondering about correct cafe etiquette, as long as you:

  • don't bring children
  • bring children, but don't let them watch tablets or phones
  • bring children, but don't let them read books
  • bring children, but don't speak to them above a whisper
  • bring children, but don't speak to them in the third person
  • don't read a book
  • joke with the staff
  • have no nose (lest the smell of food - in a cafe! - or other people wearing perfume should offend you)

You're golden!

that about covers it Grin

MarkWithaC · 31/10/2023 16:38

viques · 31/10/2023 16:34

I once sat at the next table to Dame Maggie Smith at the Chelsea Physic garden cafe and couldn’t overhear a word she said. I felt like leaning over and saying “ Look love, you can project to the back of the stalls and up to the cheap seats without breaking sweat, I’m only at the next table, just try a bit harder please.”

Show quote history

Gutting!

PointlessAddiction · 31/10/2023 16:38

Crap coffee, dry cake, and people whose children don’t know how to behave.

ManateeFair · 31/10/2023 16:39

dancingqueef · 31/10/2023 16:05

When people read at the table. It's a cafe not a bloody library!!

Wait, so if someone is alone and having a coffee, would you expect them to just do nothing, then? Just drink their coffee and stare into space?

Is it just reading books you find annoying? Are you also annoyed by, eg, someone reading a newspaper or doing a crossword, or looking at their phone?

lunar1 · 31/10/2023 16:39

People who think I want to interact with their children, if I don't have mine with me, I definitely don't want random ones!

viques · 31/10/2023 16:40

MarkWithaC · 31/10/2023 16:38

Gutting!

Show quote history

It was ! It was clear that whatever they were talking about was really good gossip because they were being so very discreet.