You’re out for a coffee, cake and people watching in a cafe, what annoys you and spoils the experience?

[Britpopbaby]

People who “talk” so loudly that even in a busy cafe you can follow their full conversation.

😂😂😂 sorry @Thorpurpuk - I will do next time.

This and parents are too busy on their phone to notice or even care.

It is performance parenting - it's not a conversation, it doesn't require any input from the child. It's simply a monologue from the parent and if Hugo could talk he'd probably say 'pause for breath and give me peace, would you, you're getting on my wick'.

People making too much noise, either talking/shouting between themselves, or on the phone, or listening without headphones etc.

Children and dogs that aren't behaving, i.e. sitting quietly and not jumping/running around.

Until I started reading MN I didn't even know the phrase 'performative parenting' but it made me very wary as a grandmother out with the children. I recall my then 7 years old granddaughter who was just reading books and she asked me, in a coffee shop with tables quite close, if words with a q always had a u next. I very quietly told her about words used that had a q but no u that come from other languages and we also talked about how a lot of other words we use come from other languages, I thought I'd managed it well and quietly until the lone woman on the next table told me I'd handled that really well!

Thank you for your apology.
I would like to think if saw a toddler with a condition that meant that the usual ways of calming shrieking did not apply then I would show some compassion.
I would hazard a guess that the majority of parents who allow their child to listen to a device at a level that impacts everyone else are not doing so because they have tried everything else, but are being thoughtless.

Most people understand a small child making a bit of a din if they're hungry or tired, and will not have any issue if they can see the parent is attending to the child.

They absolutely should be talking and communicating with their child. That's how they learn social skills.

Anyone on a laptop or some sort of work call. Is doing performance working. Definitely less useful to anyone than performance parenting.

M

Interesting 😀
See, I might bag a window seat because it's at the side of the cafe. No one wants to be the one plonking themselves in the middle when all the ringside seats are taken!

It’s the anticipation of a good cake and it turns out naff

don’t mind kids and dogs as I zone out if on my own and I do like to read too as long as the coffee is nice

social workers meeting their clients in cafes and the client not being very quiet or discreet as many have been in prison makes very interesting news for others and me but can be annoying, but I think they meet there rather than their homes for various reasons.

I haven’t been in a cafe for ages but the last time I went, there was a massive queue behind a mum who was trying desperately to get her young child to “say thank you to the lady!!!!” - this went on for over a minute and I have to say that I stayed around for longer than I’d intended to because I wanted to see if anyone in the queue would snap.

After nearly 3 minutes of this, the lady (server) had to tell the mum to go and sit down so she could actually serve other customers, at which point mum told the child that she was a “mean lady” after all.

I do like people watching but excessive noise is a problem for me (ND), so screaming kids, loud coffee machines, music/videos, or phone calls are the main reasons I avoid cafes. There’s one near me that I used to love because it was so quiet and cozy but it’s now been taken over by a mums and babies/toddlers group so it’s like a zoo.

I live in London (not central, zone 5, which I realise in MN terms makes me a rural yokel) and I often read in coffee shops. When you say 'wouldn't survive,' are there anti-reading snatch squads roaming the streets that I need to be looking out for when I visit zone 1?

Serial sniffers. Blow your fucking nose!

I’m sorry if I offend you but I find this calms down my 14 month old. Otherwise you’d get her high pitched shriek which isn’t enjoyable to anyone!!

And yes I do need to use coffee shops!

As Hugo in your example according to you is too young to speak and the parents crime is narrating a monologue, am I correct in assuming that one should not speak to their child in public (at all?) until they are able to carry on a full conversation?
I look forward to your parenting book. Some fascinating child development theories there I’m sure.

I don’t like a dog in a cafe.

A leafblower

Like the one here that's been going non-stop for the past five hours.

I think the simplest way to work out whether you're performance parenting or simply talking to your child - is to

Ask yourself if you talk to your child in public exactly the same way as you would talk to them just the two of you in your own home.

A dog licking your ankles.

I don't mind parents interacting genuinely with their children, but mindless yes/no closed questions and also repeating the child's name over and over because they REALLY want you to know what their child is called and just LOVE their name too!!!

Screaming kids and flippin’ dogs. Neither should be in a cafe.

People leaving their table in a big mess.

Performance parenting doesn’t develop a child’s language skills. There has to be an interaction even if the child is non verbal.

Have a capachoochoo on me. Yuh!