What form has your midlife crisis taken?

[Foodorder]

What odd decisions or big changes have you made?

I think I've had 2. At 40 I very nearly had an affair. I did the right thing and walked away eventually, but it brought about quite a lot of change in my life as I realised what actually made me tick, rather than what I'd always accepted/been told I wanted from life.

In my early 50s I've suddenly become adventurous and impulsive, in my clothes, my work, travel, doing loads of things I wouldn't have dreamt I was capable of.

There have been various types of madness over the last 11 years. I'm now 50. The positive centre to it all is I've slowly reorganised my life around my artistic pursuits. Am now in a small flat with a small mortgage, have a low-stress job, live quite simply. Time and a little money can finally go towards my creativity, after decades running from it.

life has been shit for about 10 years. I’m 45 and I’m really not happy in my marriage but sadly I’m pretty much trapped so I’ll have to stay here. (Lots of reasons why!)

I’ve not really experienced great much midlife crisis stuff yet but I suppose there are a few things and maybe more to come. I have crippling low self esteem and my husband often disapproves of things I want to do so there’s always guilt and frustration to deal with. I got a tattoo at 40 (mainly to cover scars!) and he didn’t speak to me for a month, so I’ve not been able to have it finished.

i took up an instrument in my late 30s and have been having weekly lessons. It’s really got me through the shit though at times. I’m not very good at it and again lack confidence around the whole thing but I do secretly withhold a bit of a crush on my tutor (who sadly now only teaches online!) I’d never have an affair because I’m extremely ugly but I do miss sex (husband suffers from impotence and poor hygiene and no ambition to satisfy me, we haven’t even kissed for about 10 years)

I wasn't aware of it at the time, but looking back, my MLC began when I was 32. My mum died, I had a complete change of career which involved travelling and working away from home. This led to an affair with someone considerably younger than me, wrecked my 9 yr relationship with someone considerably older than me. This led to me being effectively homeless, although living in digs while I was working, and another relationship with an arse.
For a long time I didn't recognise myself in the mirror, then had therapy, met DP and had DC at 40 and 44.
It was definitely a crisis, and not positive or life affirming like so many pp.

@LittleDitto
You are not ugly. Please get that tattoo that you wanted finished. Then please explore some creative ways to make leaving your husband a reality. You deserve to be happy, free, and loved. X

Apparently my midlife crisis has taken the form of conversing with AI on Mumsnet at 5:00am in a fit of insomnia.

As mid-life crises goes, it’s fairly benign but there definitely is a reasonable whiff of existential desperation in the air.

Mine is starting a divorce. And agreeing to go to Spain for a holiday with my parents. My STBXH never liked Spain so my mum went and booked the thing for us all. This is especially troubling because the last time I went on holiday with my parents I bloody hated it. So, yes.

There's much more mad stuff on the horizon like going from a mortgage to the instability of renting, learning to drive and going on solo trips to "find myself". I'm such a cliché.

@hoobanoobie people who haven't previously had lots of tattoos and piercings, haven't necessarily been spending their lives judging those who do. That's a bit of a leap.
Some people worry that they'll go off the design and so are scared to get something permanent. In midlife they maybe stop worrying so much and trust their own judgement more.

I've stopped worrying so much about other people's opinions and have stopped trying to fix things that are out of my control. I feel like I care less about things and am taking a more 'not my circus' approach.
I think this is good but am not certain - it's definitely a decline in the 'caring' hormones though!

Have started looking after myself a bit better and prioritising myself a bit more, so have become a bit more selfish.

I'm a year younger than you but only started working full time two years ago after decades of part time work round the family. I love my job, it's my time now and I absolutely dont't feel like I am entering my twilight years.

The best is yet to come!

I'm sorry you've had tough times and I've had a few ups and downs but don't give up on life yet!

Got rid of ex. Learnt to sail (solo adventure holidays for first time to train) and bought a yacht. I wanted my children to see you never stop trying in life. The boat is a six berth, and has greatly increased quality time we spend as a family. I love her to bits.

I decided I needed to get to the bottom,of what I thought were lifetime mental health issues..
Turned out to be autism and ADHD .
Now I look back and see how vulnerable I was ,no wonder things ended up as they did

After a lifetime of depression, anxiety and OCD, at 58 years old I visited the GP for a smear test. I had never seen her before and she asked lots of questions about my life. She told me that I needed to take Escitalopram. I was very sceptical as I had never taken antidepressants or anything of that nature before, but I thought I'd give it a go.

Oh my goodness, a lifetime of depression, anxiety and OCD just went poof! After around 4 weeks I was a different person. Well, the same person, but without the depression, anxiety and OCD. It had disappeared but I was still myself, if that makes sense.

My life began at that point. I could think clearer and had motivation for things I had only ever dreamed of. I started my own business, started running (on the treadmill, at the gym) and started cooking proper, healthy food. I am so much happier. Not a superficial happiness, but a genuine happiness free from all the crap.

I had always blamed my problems on genes, difficult upbringing, etc. But now I wonder if it was just a shortage of serotonin.

This is a great thread, OP - thanks for starting it. I am going to follow avidly. But I also think it could be a very helpful thread for people who are struggling and need support.

I want to do this, so much so that I felt pure envy reading your post.

I am now about to book the first training session - it runs so close to where I live! I am going to have this future and ride the waves into old age and sing on the sea. I remember the queasy feeling of waking on the sea in my younger years and the excitement of the huge waves.

Your post awakened something in me I thought had died a long time ago. A lost part that had fluttered away.

Congratulations on your weight loss. Amazing!

This thread is so inspirational.

@sleepraptor thanks for the book recommendation, I’ll have a look at that.

oh do go away. Was just a fun, positive, uplifting thread before you come here with your outrage over a woman getting a tattoo. Banding words like hypocrite.

Who appointed you Judge and Jury of what's wild and what's not? Connoisseur of tethered and untethered rebels.😐

We can't all be as cool as you. Maybe you should go to bed earlier, you sound cranky.

Well done to everyone! I thought some more about this.

I am definitely making myself less available to my family. The caring hormone has certainly declined, as a pp said. These days I answer " What's for dinner?" with " Whatever you are making yourself." I should get a tshirt with " Not my circus" on it.

@CharlotteRumpling Someone on Facebook was talking about 'NOvember'. Where we say 'No' to the people who take us for granted and things we don't want to do.

@Spinnymop can you tell me more about this? I would love some isopods!

Love this thread.

I started an OU degree, joined a local environmental group, and despite being a lifelong, Richard Dawkins reading atheist started going to church - still go, and now I think Dawkins is missing all the points.

Yesterday a man carelessly, nearly ran over my DS. I left DS safe with DH, then ran after the car, up a hill, caught up with it and told off the driver, so he apologised profusely. I'm 41, and the experience left me feeling like my middle-age might be filled with lots of strength and assertiveness. 💪😂

Stopped giving a fuck about wearing "appropriate" clothes, ie sensible classic etc etc and started wearing clothes I love - lots of colour and pattern.
Got a nose piercing
Dyed my hair bright pink
Split from my controlling ex.

My 50s are sooo much better than my 40s!

Sold everything 2 years ago - business, house, possessions - and went travelling.

I'm a bit young for a ML crisis at 37 but after lockdown I went on a spiral of going out loads, wearing the shortest dresses I could, nearly got divorced and started repiercing my ears.

3 years later I have more piercings, 2 tattoos and I'm not done yet. I've calmed down on the going out partly because I can't be arsed and partly because there is nobody to go with. Don't care how I dress, one day I might be in baggy tracksuit bottoms, the next in a short puffy skirt with fishnets and biker boots.

In my head I'm still 18, I probably look a bit ridiculous but I'm learning not to care.

Started having flying lessons, working towards a pilot's license so I can explore the UK by air.

It's a bit crazy, but it's so much fun and I've met some fantastic people along the way.