How old were you when your parents died

[Fahhgedaboutit]

And how did you cope? DH and I are mid 30s and lucky enough to have both our sets of parents still here. But I’m increasingly aware of their ages and that we have limited time left with them and the thought of losing them puts me into such a panic.

How do you cope with losing the people that love you more than anyone else in this world (I appreciate not everyone has that relationship with their parents)? My parents are so, so lovely and I couldn’t imagine life without them or the grief ever ending.

A friend’s husband is terminally ill with weeks to live. Their youngest child is 10 and they also have a young teen. Reading some of these posts makes me feel very sad and worried about how the children are going to cope, as many people have said that their lives have been ruined by the loss of a parent.
My Mum died when I was in my early forties. My dad is still alive, but with many health issues.

I have been very fortunate and had both of my parents around until I was in my fifties.

I was 54 when my Dad died (two and a half years ago). He was 86.

I'm 57 now and my Mum is still alive. She's 88. Not at her most mobile anymore, but her mind is pin sharp still and she is good company. In fact, I am on the train at the moment going to spend a few days with her. 😃

I’m 57 & lucky enough to still have both my parents (DF 85, DM 84 but DM is becoming increasingly frail with Parkinson’s). I am guilty of fretting that I haven’t got long left with them instead of enjoying that time. Need to work on that!

It's absolutely tragic how young people have lost both parents. My Dad is almost 65 and his elder sister is 67 and they still have both their parents, still living together at home in their early 90s. I'd not appreciated how rare this is.

I think one of the biggest problems years ago was the fact there was no counselling. I basically had to carry on my life pretending nothing had happened. I went back to school and no one said anything. I didn't say anything. It was pretty bizarre looking back. If I cried I'd be told off. I think things are very different nowadays.

15 for mum
Looking back she was so sick for so many years (thanks cancer). I was the oldest so got a huge mental load e.g. organise school book lists, uniforms, constantly doing laundry, grocery shop, cleaning. Dad did cook but other than that I had a huge burden that my sister avoided even when I went to uni, which I chose to be close to home so I could support them while they finished school.

Dad I haven't spoken to in about 2 years as he took the hump with me after I snapped at him during a massive spike in the pandemic and I was a ward manager in a hospital and he didn't think it was that bad cause he was fine when he had it. He was pissed off when he called because apparently I should be the one calling him and my response was the phone works both ways didn't start things off well. I tried to patch it up and he told me not to cross the threshold of his house.

Father - no idea! Never met him. 🙁

Mother - I was 66 but she had me as a teenager and we were completely NC for the 30 years before her death. I discovered she had died 2 months after the event, purely by accident, on the internet.🙄

22 and 34

I'm 28 and still have my mum (thank god I don't know how I'd cope without her)

Lost my dad when I was 21, he was much older than my mum and suffered lung cancer.

40 for DF, he was 72, 67 for DM, she was 97 and had had dementia for 15 years. 🙁

By the time my DM died she’d been in such a dire state for such long time that it was more of a relief than anything. Unlike with my lovely DF, I couldn’t really feel sad or grieve for her at all - we’d lost her long before.

That must have been so hard. My mum was loving, funny, creative and outgoing and I completely lost that influence in my life, although I'm grateful for what she taught me in my early years. I owe my creativity and love of literature to her - and my good manners! Sadly, I didn't inherit her long legs but my daughter has. She's named after the granny she never had.

My mum is 74 and my grandma is 96, nearly 97!
All in fine fettle although grandma is in a nursing home and has mobility issues. Nothing much else wrong though. She is not on any regular medication. She bounced back from sepsis and Covid (at the same time) in the last 2 years. Tough as old boots.

DH’s grandma died at 99 and her eldest child (MIL) was 76 at the time.

My DF is 96 and in that state. I know exactly what you mean.

I’m mid 40s and still have my parents, and all of my grandparents are alive too (in their 90s). I appreciate how rare this is.

💐to everyone who has lost parents.

26 when my dad died- when I was pregnant with my first.
30 when my mum died.

It's very hard, I feel like I lost my mum in the years when I needed her love and support most, when I had a young family, but I'm glad she got to meet my children and my oldest remembers her.

You are very lucky and unusual to have all your grandparents still alive

My Great-Granny's brother lived to 105 and his 80 year old used to take him out shopping. Incredible! Seems so unfair when people are taken young. I'm 39 and hoping to have both of my parents (currently mid-60s) for a long, long time to come 🙏

That so many of you had that lack of recognition and support for what you were going through is incredibly sad to hear and it was so cruel to not allow children to grieve. I am sorry so many of you as children didn’t have the support that I hope children get nowadays. It is difficult to understand how children were expected to just get on with things. Heartbreaking.
My own mum lost her dad as a teen and she lost a sibling when she was in her early twenties. It triggered a depression in her that she never really escaped.

80 year old son

19 and 35, both hit very hard but in different ways. They both had cancer and died at young ages (dad died when I was 35 and had just hit 60). It has shaped my adult life but now my sadness is about them - my mum especially - missing out on seeing me grow up and their grandchildren.

Having said that, I really do believe in the phrase "growing around your grief", I carry it always, but there are parts of my life where I can now celebrate my parents.

DH lost his dad when he was 51 and his mum at 66

My mother I presume is still alive. I am also in my 60s
My dad died about 5 years ago

I'm 45, I still have both parents & hope to have them for a long time yet. My mam is 71 and still has her mam (although she is 93 now and has just moved to a care home)

Mum 23
Dad 34

I so wish they could be here with us and know my lovely family

I was 27 and 35 weeks pregnant with my first bang in the middle of first lockdown, I honestly look back and don't understand how her heart stopped and mine carried on. She was so much more than a mum I really feel like she was my soulmate. I have two children that need me and I adore them but life without her feels very flat.
My dad is alive but I am nc

I think the worst thing for me about losing my dad (22) was that we were NC at the time of his death. I did see him just before he died, in the hospice, but by that point he was no longer compos mentis. As well as the grief, I’ve carried around enormous guilt ever since. It honestly tortures me. Every single day despite a lot of therapy. I do think ‘going NC’ is something to think very carefully about for this reason.