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Feel so bad for my daughter who's just given birth

110 replies

lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:12

My daughter became a first time mum 8 days ago. She went 8 days overdue, was induced but didn't make it past 2cm dilated (later found out baby was tangled in the cord so had no way of escaping) she was prodded and poked for 12 hrs and put on the hormone drip without any pain relief. In the end she was told she needed an emergency C-section. Two days after delivery she came home but was in the worst pain with trapped wind and it was horrendous to watch her go through all this. Two days later it was her birthday but she spent it in bed in pain so that was rubbish. Two days after that she came over really Ill shivering and hallucinating, rushed her to hospital this was Tuesday just gone and she's still there and they don't know what's wrong with her. Bloods for sepsis have came back clear, not covid either. Her temp keeps going up and down and her section scar is weeping so it's obviously an infection. I know she's in the best place medically but I can't help feeling really sorry for her. After a long pregnancy she should be home enjoying her baby not alone in a hospital. Her husband has been great going up and sitting with her and taking the baby up to visit her but from 9pm she's alone while myself and her husband are taking care of baby. She's in a private room with nothing to look at bit 4 walls. What a rotten first time experience 😢 I'm hoping this isn't setting her up for post natal depression, she's already got the baby blues and worried her baby won't know who she is. I feel dreadful for her I really do. Don't know why I'm writing this or what I want from this I'm just feeling quite low this evening. I've been here almost 2 weeks now and missing home and the rest of my family. I'm suppose to be going home Saturday but I can't see that happening as I want to make sure she's home and recovered.

OP posts:
hulawoop · 26/10/2023 21:14

Your poor daughter. Doesn’t sound like she’s had the best care at all, bless her. Sending well wishes x

PurpleChrayne · 26/10/2023 21:14

Oh bless her. That sounds really rough. At least she has a caring mum like you FlowersCake

Katherineryan · 26/10/2023 21:14

Oh I’m so sorry and really hope she recovers soon and can get home to her baby.
My daughter is presently 5 days overdue and I really worry about the birth etc for her

Floralnomad · 26/10/2023 21:15

Can one of you not stay with her and the baby ? What kind of ward is she on .

PurpleChrayne · 26/10/2023 21:15

If it's any consolation, I was hospitalised for a week after my section with DD, and it didn't affect our bond. It was awful at the time, but I came through it, and your daughter will too. I went on to have DS and planning a third, so the experience didn't put me off!

Fordian · 26/10/2023 21:18

hulawoop · 26/10/2023 21:14

Your poor daughter. Doesn’t sound like she’s had the best care at all, bless her. Sending well wishes x

I don't think it's helpful to start out with the concept that she was 'failed' rather than things did not work out as expected or hours.

Moving forward is your best plan of action. She will heal, her baby will bond, this will all be 'an experience' later.

It's great that you can be there to offer so much support!

Congratulations to all.

aSofaNearYou · 26/10/2023 21:18

I had a very similar experience my first time. It was rotten at the time tbh but I didn't get post natal depression and it didn't have a long term negative impact.

My DD and DP were staying in the room with me, though, I'm surprised they've sent the baby home. I really struggled to care for her so in a way it might have been better if I'd been able to just rest and recover, but it does seem like the baby should be allowed with her for more than just standard visiting time, I hope they're there for most of the day?

lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:20

Thank you everyone.

@Floralnomad she's in a private room on a ward. Her husband took the baby up there yesterday all day. Visiting hours for friends and family is 6-9pm so I can't get up there until the evening.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 26/10/2023 21:22

Will they not allow you / her husband to stay with the baby though if that might make her feel better about it all .

lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:24

@aSofaNearYou the baby can stay with her but she's too Ill to take care of her alone. Husbands and partners have to leave at 9pm. He took baby yesterday at 11am I went up at 6pm and stayed for a couple of hrs and brought baby home then he was kicked out at 9pm.

OP posts:
lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:26

@Floralnomad no one's allowed to stay past 9pm.

OP posts:
ronswansonstache · 26/10/2023 21:27

I'm sorry to hear that OP, you sound like a lovely caring mum.

Has your DD spoken to you about how she feels?

I had a pretty rubbish time myself giving birth during covid, but I was so happy with my baby it all just faded away ultimately.

She sounds lucky to have you in her corner. It's possible she might not see it as all that bad xx

Tempnamechng · 26/10/2023 21:28

That's really upsetting for you. She is in the best place though and at least with plenty of rest she'll be well and out faster. Best wishes to you all, and congratulations on the new baby.

mathanxiety · 26/10/2023 21:29

She has received appalling medical 'care'.

Did they leave a sponge or implement inside her during the CS by any chance?

UpUpUpU · 26/10/2023 21:30

@mathanxiety How do you know this? Were you there?

Pertangyangkipperbang · 26/10/2023 21:30

I was in hospital after being home for a week after giving birth.. l had my own room and a cot for my daughter to be with me 24/7 .. is she breast feeding? I was so insisted my daughter stayed with me.
The nurses were wonderful bathing her for me etc all l had to do was feed her... you are allowed your new born in a private room with you.

CheapHouse · 26/10/2023 21:36

What sort of ward is she on? It doesn't sound right that baby and husband can't stay the night with her.

If you think it would help her to have them with her I would push for this to be allowed.

I hope you are looking after yourself too.

BurbageBrook · 26/10/2023 21:36

I've heard of friends being in hospital with 3 and 5 month old babies and their husbands were allowed to stay. That's not right at all.

Bailar · 26/10/2023 21:38

@lilyroseabell

Your DD is blessed that she has you OP, and her DH, you sound like a great team. Hoping your daughter makes a full recovery.
Some new mothers are not close to their parents and have to go through this alone. Flowers

Carsarelife · 26/10/2023 21:39

I had a similar experience with my 2nd baby. Kept in for 8 days after and couldn't stop being sick. Plus raging temp.
I slept a lot and didn't notice I was in a room with 4 walls. I just concentrated on getting better

UdderlyPumpkin · 26/10/2023 21:42

have you actually asked if you or her husband can stay with the baby so that you/husband can look after baby? Don’t just assume blanket rules apply here and be sure to ask.

Mrsjayy · 26/10/2023 21:45

Oh bless her your poor Dd that all sounds horrific but she has you and her husband and you sound so switched on that you will notice. Congratulations on your grand baby.

Ottersmith · 26/10/2023 21:47

8 days overdue is nothing. These hospitals are too quick to induce and look where it leads. It's rotten that she can't have the baby there with her. Maybe you can send a letter to the PALs and try to get the husband or you access to stay overnight to help. I think extend your trip. Poor girl.

thermalvestwearer · 26/10/2023 21:49

Oh bless her. I'm surprised the baby isn't staying with her - is she breast feeding?

mrssunshinexxx · 26/10/2023 21:51

Can't actually believe the staff are separating a mother and 5 day old baby. Her husband should be demanding he will stay with her and sleep in a chair in her room