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Original poster

Feel so bad for my daughter who's just given birth

110 replies

lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:12

My daughter became a first time mum 8 days ago. She went 8 days overdue, was induced but didn't make it past 2cm dilated (later found out baby was tangled in the cord so had no way of escaping) she was prodded and poked for 12 hrs and put on the hormone drip without any pain relief. In the end she was told she needed an emergency C-section. Two days after delivery she came home but was in the worst pain with trapped wind and it was horrendous to watch her go through all this. Two days later it was her birthday but she spent it in bed in pain so that was rubbish. Two days after that she came over really Ill shivering and hallucinating, rushed her to hospital this was Tuesday just gone and she's still there and they don't know what's wrong with her. Bloods for sepsis have came back clear, not covid either. Her temp keeps going up and down and her section scar is weeping so it's obviously an infection. I know she's in the best place medically but I can't help feeling really sorry for her. After a long pregnancy she should be home enjoying her baby not alone in a hospital. Her husband has been great going up and sitting with her and taking the baby up to visit her but from 9pm she's alone while myself and her husband are taking care of baby. She's in a private room with nothing to look at bit 4 walls. What a rotten first time experience 😢 I'm hoping this isn't setting her up for post natal depression, she's already got the baby blues and worried her baby won't know who she is. I feel dreadful for her I really do. Don't know why I'm writing this or what I want from this I'm just feeling quite low this evening. I've been here almost 2 weeks now and missing home and the rest of my family. I'm suppose to be going home Saturday but I can't see that happening as I want to make sure she's home and recovered.

OP posts:
Passepartoute · 26/10/2023 21:52

It must be such a relief to your daughter to know that she has your support for herself and her husband. I do hope she gets better soon.

Someoneonlyyouknow · 26/10/2023 21:53

This sounds really difficult for all of you. You must be so worried about your daughter but she is lucky to have your support and help. Hopefully she is soon on the mend

BHRK · 26/10/2023 21:55

I am surprised people are saying the baby must stay with her and the husband sleep in a chair. What if she is too sick?
OP, you sound like a wonderful mum. I really hope your daughter gets well soon and everyone is reunited.
Sometimes births go horribly wrong (one of mine did) and nobody is to blame.
hope it all goes well for recovery

Mariposista · 26/10/2023 21:57

Terrible experience but she is in the best possible place, receiving care and getting better.
Awful as it is, having the baby there with her would be madness. She would get no rest, and be unable to care for it. As hard as it is emotionally, baby is better in her home with her loving daddy who is also a competent parent) and granny. Mum will be back before you know it. And of course she will be able to bond. Lots of babies spend months in an incubator, and still go on to have a close bond with their mothers when they are able to come out.

Woush · 26/10/2023 21:57

Given baby can stay with her, I would encourage her yo have baby in hospital with her.

I had an infected c-section and was isolated in a side room for 10 days with baby. I found that alone time fantastic bonding, especially given I had no other responsibilities like cooking or cleaning. The cannula, drips etc wasn't nice for me, but we got through it.

I'd work on helping her feel empowered and capable if looking after baby while in hospital.

Oopsupsideyourheadache · 26/10/2023 21:58

This is what happened to me 6 months ago, I really feel for her. I kept baby with me and was readmitted to the maternity ward and put on iv antibiotics. I hope she feels better soon.

Fordian · 26/10/2023 22:02

UpUpUpU · 26/10/2023 21:30

@mathanxiety How do you know this? Were you there?

Edited

I agree. It's massively unhelpful to assume 'appalling care' etc.

We weren't there. We don't know what decisions were made when, and why, and under what circumstances.

Soapyspuds · 26/10/2023 22:03

no one's allowed to stay past 9pm

Try to speak to somebody higher up like the ward sister if you have not already. Exceptions should be made for situations like this.

Fordian · 26/10/2023 22:04

CheapHouse · 26/10/2023 21:36

What sort of ward is she on? It doesn't sound right that baby and husband can't stay the night with her.

If you think it would help her to have them with her I would push for this to be allowed.

I hope you are looking after yourself too.

Many other women esp in a shared ward, do not want strange men wandering around all night while they are in their most vulnerable, post partum state.

9pm is fine.

Fluckle · 26/10/2023 22:06

Oh bless her, and the rest of you. You're all doing the best thing right now. Take lots of photos of the baby in case she feels like she's missed these few days. Not the same but if she asks later then you have them. Message her to tell her all the lovely stuff you've said here how you know she's had it so tough and she's got through it and you're here for her and will remain so. Or write it all down. All the reassurance that she can read when she's ready. I'm sure that with such good support from H and yourself she'll be ok, in time, even if the start is rocky. Best wishes to all

needtonamechangeforthis1 · 26/10/2023 22:09

@Fordian she's in a private room! So her husband being there would have no impact on other women!

404usernotfound · 26/10/2023 22:10

You’re a wonderful mum to your DD. It must be a relief for her to know that you are there.

I can imagine it’s very hard for you, knowing she’s going through this, and also understandably missing your own home and family and routines (and probably feeling unable to mention that to anyone IRL). It will get better Flowers

aSofaNearYou · 26/10/2023 22:10

lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 21:24

@aSofaNearYou the baby can stay with her but she's too Ill to take care of her alone. Husbands and partners have to leave at 9pm. He took baby yesterday at 11am I went up at 6pm and stayed for a couple of hrs and brought baby home then he was kicked out at 9pm.

If she's able to have the baby with her all day, I do think it's probably for the best if her husband takes them home so she can have some rest at night, it was incredibly overwhelming trying to look after the baby at night in those circumstances, and she is still having plenty of time to bond.

I think the hospital was keen to keep the baby with me as I was attempting to breastfeed at the time, is she not?

Primproperpenny · 26/10/2023 22:12

Agree with PPs, it doesn’t sound like the care has been great. Can you transfer to another hospital? If this is in the UK, I can’t imagine anyone separating a new mum and their child.

Spudsmum1 · 26/10/2023 22:15

Slap band in the middle of the first uk lockdown in 2020 I went into labour with my first baby. after a long and difficult labour I was told I needed to have an emergency c section and due to some complications I basically flatlined on the operating table, had to have a 5L blood transfusion. Thankfully it wasn’t as traumatic as it sounds (for me) as I don’t remember much of it, but I didn’t hold my baby boy until a good 12 hours afterwards, didn’t feel “normal” until at least 24 hours afterwards at which point my DH was asked to leave because of Covid rules.

I was kept on the ward for 5 days with no visitors and with the midwives helping with much of the first days because I was so exhausted.
And ill be honest I felt very sorry for both myself and my husband not actually being able to spend any paternity with his new family.
However once discharged and being home as a family it just all fit into place (bar some grade 10 constipation). Neither of us fell into any kind of depression or dwelt on what had happened too much. We both fell in love with our baby boy and being parents and probably treasured it more because all of what had happened.

I guess all I’m trying to convey is that although some/most of us have really traumatic times for the labour, first days, first months, first years, medically, emotionally and sometimes financially. We all end up unconditionally loving our DCs.

Yes I wish it was different. I wish I had a water birth in my living room, not in the middle of a pandemic and was discharged from care in 6 hours. But that doesn’t affect how much I love my DS 3 years later.

You sound very supportive and attentive to her needs and that’s all she’ll need right now and will be forever greatfull for your help. I really hope she is well enough to come home soon because it sounds like a really shit situation.

Mummyme87 · 26/10/2023 22:17

Sorry she’s having a rubbish time. Shame baby isn’t staying with her, in my unit we would be actively encouraging it.

as for PP saying the care is obviously bad, not quite sure how you came to that… IOL, tried to labour with synto, didn’t work, CS, home, some kind of infection… still in hospital being treated… no one can pass comment on the care as none of us were there but what has been said doesn’t indicate

HerMammy · 26/10/2023 22:19

Does nobody read the OP comments?, her DD is very ill, unable to care for the baby and everyone harping about breastfeeding and the baby should be with her.
Priority is to get her well and home.
OP you're being a great support and I hope it's not long until your DD is home and on the road to recovery.

CheapHouse · 26/10/2023 22:20

@Fordian when I had sepsis, I had my own room. My husband and baby were with me. It worked well. I was too sick to look after baby 24/7 but well enough to know I needed my baby near me.

pottypotamus · 26/10/2023 22:23

Hi OP really sorry your daughter is going through this. Wishing her a speedy recovery. And you are doing amazing with all the help you are giving to your SIL.

I wanted to put your mind at rest regarding the PND and baby not recognising her.

I was hospitalised straight after my third DC was born by emergency C section at 33 weeks. I was incredibly sick and was in hospital for 2 months and this was at the height of covid in June 2020 so the hospital didn't allow any family to visit at all. Strictly no visitors. It was probably about 6 weeks before I was able to hold my newborn.

I had the same worries about my baby rejecting me, not knowing who I am, not being able to bond. But as soon as I was out, dc knew exactly who I was. No problems bonding. The whole illness put everything into perspective for me and I saw everything in a new light and had a new appreciation for everything little cuddle I had with dc.

Your daughter will appreciate how much you are doing to help. And she'll continue needing your support when she gets out. You're doing amazing OP.

grumpycow1 · 26/10/2023 22:23

That sounds really wrong that her husband and baby cannot stay with her. I’d challenge it

Mrsjayy · 26/10/2023 22:23

The mum is ill, illness is seperating them not the hospital!

Original poster
lilyroseabell · 26/10/2023 22:26

Thank you all for your kind messages. Baby is bottle fed. Daughter is too poorly to care for baby alone and no one can stay past 9pm I've spoken to the nurses myself. They are also happy for baby to stay at home. The main concern right now is mum getting better and home.

OP posts:
Swanny8 · 26/10/2023 22:27

We don’t know the cause of the infection, so claiming it’s negligence is premature.

I hope she’s better soon, OP! Flowers. This sounds so tough for all of you.

hopsalong · 26/10/2023 22:29

Just concentrate on getting her better. Make sure her temperature is being taken regularly, that she's being observed often and not given so many painkillers that she's too drowsy or out of it to report symptoms clearly. Sepsis is a very scary thing. Her bond with the baby will be fine. I wouldn't try to get into an argument with the nurses about how late the baby can stay or anything else. But scream bloody murder if you think she's getting sicker and they don't have the infection under control. Poor all of you.

ThereIbledit · 26/10/2023 22:30

Your poor daughter. Her partner and you, too, you must both be so worried.

I hope she improves quickly. xxx

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