Feel so bad for my daughter who's just given birth

[lilyroseabell]

My daughter became a first time mum 8 days ago. She went 8 days overdue, was induced but didn't make it past 2cm dilated (later found out baby was tangled in the cord so had no way of escaping) she was prodded and poked for 12 hrs and put on the hormone drip without any pain relief. In the end she was told she needed an emergency C-section. Two days after delivery she came home but was in the worst pain with trapped wind and it was horrendous to watch her go through all this. Two days later it was her birthday but she spent it in bed in pain so that was rubbish. Two days after that she came over really Ill shivering and hallucinating, rushed her to hospital this was Tuesday just gone and she's still there and they don't know what's wrong with her. Bloods for sepsis have came back clear, not covid either. Her temp keeps going up and down and her section scar is weeping so it's obviously an infection. I know she's in the best place medically but I can't help feeling really sorry for her. After a long pregnancy she should be home enjoying her baby not alone in a hospital. Her husband has been great going up and sitting with her and taking the baby up to visit her but from 9pm she's alone while myself and her husband are taking care of baby. She's in a private room with nothing to look at bit 4 walls. What a rotten first time experience 😢 I'm hoping this isn't setting her up for post natal depression, she's already got the baby blues and worried her baby won't know who she is. I feel dreadful for her I really do. Don't know why I'm writing this or what I want from this I'm just feeling quite low this evening. I've been here almost 2 weeks now and missing home and the rest of my family. I'm suppose to be going home Saturday but I can't see that happening as I want to make sure she's home and recovered.

I was 'too sick' which is exactly why I needed my DH with me. Being separated from my baby would have been the worst. He slept in a reclining chair and looked after the baby. This should be allowed in this kind of circumstance, especially if mother is breastfeeding.

A far from ideal start and no wonder that you are feeling your daughter's pain.

Try to remember that mothers instinctively take on their children's pain and that's how we lighten their load.

Your daughter is in the right place, the baby is being cared for, mother and baby have time together, and that's a pretty good set up. Having baby at her side all night could be detrimental to all.

She will come through this, and with such a good support network, she is ery likely to move on quickly.

I don’t think anyone is “harping on”.

Plenty of people are pointing out that it is normal to keep the baby with the mother. OP has pointed out her DD is concerned at being separated from the baby.

The mother “not being well enough to care for the baby” is not normally a concern because it will be a maternity ward.

Personally I had a similar experience to OP’s DD, but my DS was kept with me. To be fair, it meant j didn’t sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time for the whole time I had sepsis. It probably wasn’t great for my recovery, but it was great for bonding. However in retrospect I would have gone for at least some full nights sleep.

Oh no, that made me remember something similar happening at the local hospital where I used to live.

That’s a horrible experience for her. There’s not much that can be said, she will probably look back at this as a very traumatic time but she will be grateful to have a lovely husband and mum supporting her. Make sure she talks about it and processes it all down the line when she’s ready x

Echoing everyone else here - I was really very unwell with sepsis after a c section but kept my newborn with me. It was hard, but I didn’t have to do anything else. I didn’t get more than about 45 mins sleep at a time because all my IVABs, painkillers etc were on different schedules and then the baby needed feeding but I came through it.

I do think being separated would have been harder so would encourage her to think if she can manage those 12h or so overnight with the baby.

Surely they can’t kick the baby and husband out if she needs to breastfeed the baby?

The baby is having a bottle .

I wish people would read the thread, especially when it's such a sensitive issue. The poor woman is really unwell and isn't able to proceed.

I really agree please read the thread and have a bit of compassion .

I was in Similar situation and no impact on baby and attachment, reassure her that she’s in best place- sees baby all day- lots of cuddles then and only missing out on the nights which lets be honest is actually much better For her while she she recovers. If her husband and baby stayed she wouldn’t get as much rest at night etc so that as hard as it seems is a positive. My baby was breastfed so did stay in with me at night but husband didn’t at night and it was hard going and I couldn’t wait for him to arrive in the morning . If I wasn’t breastfeeding i absolutely would have sent baby home too. So hopefully she will start of benefit from the rest and feel better soon!

I had a paralytic illieus (not sure I’ve spelt correctly) after an emergency c-section. It may be worth having a look because I had the most awful trapped wind and issues afterwards. Was in hospital for a week after, but have no medical issues since, stemming from it.

I really feel for your daughter. A very similar thing happened to me and in the end I did get counselling as it did affect my ability to bond with my son (not the other way round which is important to note). It felt like such a relief to tell someone how guilty I felt and how angry I was for having that time ripped away from us. Our bond is amazing and has been for years now but I did need to talk it through with someone

I'm so sorry for what you are all going thru. I hope she is quickly on the mend and all this is behind you and you all can focus on your new bundle of joy

My daughter had a similar experience, terrible pain with no progression and had to have emergency c section as baby was tangled in cord. She did stay in hospital for about 4 days afterwards though. She did feel unwell afterwards and went back in to be checked out but they couldn't find anything obviously wrong. It really is a terribly traumatic birth experience but it won't affect your daughter's bond with her baby. If anything, she just needs rest and care now and when she is well, she will enjoy her baby. It sounds like she has a very caring family.

"Don't know why I'm writing this or what I want from this I'm just feeling quite low this evening."
You are venting which is good for you. Always talk about these things. Never bottle it up.

If your your daughter would like to have her baby with her, with you or her husband for support obviously, get in contact with PALs to see if that can be arranged. Mothers and babies are kept together where possible so definitely push for it if it’s what your daughter wants.

I'm so sorry your daughter is having such an awful experience when she should be having an amazing time bonding with her newborn. :(

I'm horrified by the constant stories about the shockingly poor and mismanaged treatment on the NHS maternity wards. Please encourage her to lodge a complaint once she's back on her feet.

I've worked in critical care units where babies could stay in with mum... for those who say she is too sick to remain with her baby.

Of course if mum doesn't want to establish breastfeeding or wants to rest overnight without baby then that's a different matter! If she wants baby with her then I would ask to see the trust's policy for care of postpartum women and their babies.

Hope she gets well soon and is back home ASAP!

I don't have any advice but can I say thank you for being such a wonderful caring mum to be thinking about her and supporting her like this.

The way you describe how she must be feeling makes me feel so warm that she has you on her team, whatever the outcome. I know you'll support her through the possible mental health implications.

I wish I had a mum like you and hope to be a mum like you when my DC have children. 💐

I wish your DD a speedy recovery. You must all be exhausted between the traumatic birth, your daughters hospitalisation and now having to mind a newborn when not in your own home environment. Try to get some rest yourself - no doubt your energy is being severely depleted. Is it possible for someone from your own home to come up and be with you for a day and give you a hand or a small break? Hang in there OP. You are doing the best job a mother can under difficult circumstances and this young couple will be forever in your debt. Nothing like family in troubled times.

Literally no one on this thread has lacked compassion for the OP, her DD, her SIL or her grandchild.
Not a single poster.
You on the other hand have posted three times hitting out at the fact other people's opinions don't reflect your own.
Maybe put the wine down and stop making drama where there is none?

C

I’m so sorry for your daughter. You sound like a really caring mother.
I went through a bad time with my 1st one too, but I was alone there. So please know your support and presence will not go unnoticed.

sending love to your daughter and baby 🙏❤️

What a great mum you are and your daughter has a lovely husband. They will all recover and things will stabilise. Just hang in there. I had a dreadful delivery and was in hospital for ten days with a baby in special care. I couldn’t look after him at all. As soon as we got home things were fine and it didn’t affect my our relationship . The only problem was I couldn’t establish breastfeeding properly which broke my heart, because i didn’t start till we got home.